Pom Poms and Gummy Bears
by SomedayWe'llKnow
Summary: Whoa check out the legs on that blonde!" I turn my head and immediately swoon.
1. Jumbled Mind

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

I was five years old when I met the girl who was to be my best friend. She punched Mike Fuller in the face after he made me cry when he stomped on my sand castle. The she made him apologize and offer to help me rebuild it. I can still very distinctly remember the first time we actually talked after she hit Mike…

"_Hey are you ok?"_

_My tears blur my vision as I stare at the girl trying to fix my ruined sand castle, stupid Mike. It takes me several moments to steady my breathing and answer the mess of brown curls squatting next to me._

"_A-are y-you the o-one w-who hit h-him?"_

_I'm a little scared she might hit me too. She gives me a toothy grin and plops down in the sandbox next to me._

"_Yeah that was me. He shouldn't have made you cry." _

_Her face contorts into an angry frown as she glares over at the monkey bars where Mike still sits nursing his damaged face._

"_Would you like to help me rebuild my castle?" _

_She seems nice enough and I could really use the help. Her big, brown eyes seem to light up as she nods enthusiastically at my question._

"_The name's Ashley Davies." _

_She doesn't wait to shake my hand but starts digging and packing sand at an amazingly fast rate. _

"_Well I'm Spencer Carlin."_

_Ashley lets out a giggle and shakes her head in amusement. She's a very strange girl._

"_That's a boy's name!"_

_Her outburst causes us both to giggle crazily and we play together until our mother's drag us back to our separate houses…_

From then on we were an inseparable pair. She was always the outgoing, leader while I happily followed her anywhere, as long as I was with her. There was the time I was seven and followed her when she skipped church or when we were eight and I followed her when she ran away from home for three hours. But one day there was a place I couldn't follow her to…

"_Spence I'm leaving."_

"_Oh you gotta go home? Hold on I'll tell mom I'm walking ya back to your house."_

_My ten year old_ _body springs off the couch but her grip on my wrist stops me in my tracks. When I face her she's giving me a sad smile with her wild curls tucked up under her favorite baseball cap._

"_No Spence, my family is moving to California. We're leaving tonight."_

_I blink several times at my best friend, my mind not really comprehending her words._

"_Oh."_

I remember there was a tearful goodbye and I cried a lot for weeks but at ten years old it's really difficult to hold onto something for too long, even if it is your best friend.

Fast forward eight long, painful years and here I stand, a senior, about to start a new year in sunny L.A.

My sweaty hands try to smooth down my cheerleading uniform as small beads of sweat start to form on my forehead. I just can't get used to this California heat.

"Honey, get out of the car. I'm going to be late for work."

My mother's indifferent tone gets me to roll my eyes in disgust, I can't stand her. She drives away as soon as my feet hit the pavement and now I stand alone in front of King High.

I would even settle for the presence of my overly annoying twin brother but he's already here for early basketball practice.

"Hey girl welcome to your first official day of King High."

The only person I know links our arms and drags me, unwillingly, into the mass of other high school students. Madison Duarte is the stereotypical high school cheerleader. She's beautiful, high strung, self centered, and feared by all. Like I said, the typical cheerleader.

By lunch time my head is swimming with the endless gossip of all the jocks/potential homecoming queens Madison has prattled on about. I just wanna eat in peace but all the attention I'm getting from being Madison's new "pet" is overbearing. People around here need something to do besides talk about each other, its annoying.

As I follow dutifully behind Madison a small group of kids by the center of the quad catch my eye. There's five of them laughing and smoking with carefree smiles plastered on their faces. They're the lucky ones not being drug around by evil cheerleaders.

But there's one girl in particular that captures my attention. She must be their unofficial leader because she sits in the center and they all stare at her adoringly.

Sitting down I frown slightly, trying to figure out why that girl's dark eyes seem so familiar.

"Girl why are you staring at those losers?"

Madison's irritating voice brings me out of my inner musings.

"Who is that girl Madison?"

I make the mistake of taking a drink of my Dr. Pepper as she answers me.

"Ugh _that_ is Ashley Davies."

The pop comes flying out of my mouth, spraying all over Madison and my sputtering prevents me from breathing properly. _Ashley Davies,_ as in my childhood best friend? Could it really be her?

"Damn girl now I gotta go change my clothes."

Madison shoots me an evil glare and stomps off with her loyal posse following close behind. My eyes shoot back to where Ashley sits with her friends.

These past eight years have been good to her. She looks fantastic and I suddenly feel very exposed sitting by myself. I gather my things and take off for my locker, still staring at Ashley.

I almost trip when I see Ashley press a light kiss to some other girl's lips, pulling back with a grin. A group of people walk by and I duck in with them just as Ashley looks around the quad with a slight frown. Whew that was close.

As I'm walking to my locker a familiar person approaches me and I groan inwardly.

"Girl where you been?"

Even after having pop spit all over her Madison still looks like she's just stepped out of _Vogue_. She's looking at me like I'm crazy and maybe I am.

"I was eating lunch Madison."

She prattles on about practice after school and asks me if I've seen Sherry's hair. Blah, blah, blah. Finally Madison leaves me alone as I walk into Geometry and she takes off for, hmm come to think of it I don't think she ever goes to class.

Geometry is a class I took back in Ohio so there is no problem, this will be easy. I sit in the only available desk and a handsome boy turns around to smile at me.

"Hey."

His bright green eyes are dancing and his jet black hair is a mess but he's super cute so I give him a coy smile.

"Hi."

He seems elated by a response from me and sticks out his hand for me to shake.

"I'm Aiden."

"Spencer."

We grasp hands and he smiles brightly, his white teeth seeming to sparkle. What is it with everyone at this school looking like models?

"You new?"

Before I can answer a balding man of about 40 comes jogging in the classroom already talking a thousand miles a minute. Aiden turns around but not before giving me another thousand watt smile.

I sit back in my desk and smile to myself, Ashley completely forgotten and the cute boy in front of me consuming my thoughts.

X X X X X X X X X X

I groan as Madison signals the end of practice and my muscles are screaming at me for a hot shower. The other girls give a round of applause and I try my best not to roll my eyes. Aiden is across the gym practicing basketball with my brother and the dark haired boy gives me a small wave.

It takes Glen ten minutes before he is ready for us to go home and when we leave he sends a wink Madison's way, ew. He talks animatedly about his day and when I look up from my cell phone I see a familiar girl climbing into a black mustang.

My breath catches in my throat as her eyes turn towards mine and we lock gazes for several beats before Glen pulls out and tears off in the direction of our house.

"So Spence how was your day?"

God isn't that a loaded question? Do I tell him about Ashley or Aiden? Or do I just keep my mouth shut?

He looks at me expectantly and I have to give him something, I never keep things from him. Glen is my best friend after all.

"I met someone today."

A blush creeps across my cheeks revealing that I'm excited about the prospect. Glen's face hardens and his hand grips the steering wheel harder.

"Who is he?"

Glen gets protective sometimes. Once, in Ohio, he came on a date with me. It took two years after that for a guy to ask me out again.

"Chill, you know him actually. Uh Aiden something or other."

He snorts as we turn into our driveway and we both get out of the car.

"Yeah he's a pretty good guy, easily entertained."

Glen gives a laugh and then goes inside while I wrestle my cheerleading bag out of the trunk.

Once I get to my room I collapse onto my bed and my thoughts drift from Madison to Aiden and finally settle on Ashley. Maybe it wasn't really her, the Ashley from when I was a kid.

My phone buzzes beside me and I instantly regret having such a horrible device especially when I see who is calling. I'll just let voicemail pick it up.

"Spencer! Mom's going to be late, we're on our own for dinner!"

Glen yells at me even though my room is only four feet from his and it makes my head start to pound.

I sit up and look around my room at all the unpacked boxes. For a second I think about unpacking but decide against it.

It takes me about three minutes to change and I walk downstairs in old sweats with my hair pulled back messily.

"Well aren't you attractive?"

Glen gives a girly giggle and tries to dodge the punch I throw his way. His curly blonde hair is damp from a shower and he has his 'special' cologne on.

"Wait why you all done up?"

He grins at my question right as the doorbell rings and he takes off at almost a dead sprint. I try not to make a face as Madison strolls into our kitchen, a small dog in a purse attached to her arm.

"Oh and Spence I invited Aiden too. I thought the four of us could watch a movie."

Glen gives me a devilish grin and follows Madison to the living room right as the doorbell rings again. My mouth drops open and I narrow my eyes in the direction of my brother. The mirror by the front door shows me just how horrible I really look and I cringe as I open the front door.

There stands Aiden with a giant smile on his face and a motorcycle helmet tucked under his burly arm. I can't help but smile at the sight of him and his tousled hair.

"Hey Aiden, come on in."

He brushes past me and I lead him to where Madison and Glen are already huddled together on the couch.

Aiden and Glen exchange grunts before Aiden finds a place on the floor. For a second I consider sitting on the loveseat but end up tucked in the crook of Aiden's arm as the movie starts and I jump with fear. I hate Glen for picking a scary movie.

X X X X X X X X X X

"Well I had a really good time tonight, thanks for the invite."

Aiden gives me a shy smile before leaning down and giving me a quick kiss to the cheek.

"Good night Aid."

The use of his nickname gets him to grin and he practically bounces back to his bike. I watch him drive away and the butterflies in my stomach finally settle down.

Glen is waiting for me in the kitchen with a Dr. Pepper and I nod in thanks.

"That was fun. He's a good guy Spence, nicely done. Good night little sis."

He rustles my hair and jogs up the stairs humming a song as he goes. It's after eleven and my mom still isn't home. With a sad sigh and a defeated feeling I leave the dining room light on and trudge upstairs.

It's been like this ever since my dad died; mom works late and ignores us because we remind her of dad.

As I settle in bed I can't remember being this excited for school yet dreading it at the same time. I hope I can stay away from Ashley, she probably doesn't remember me anyways.

**What do you think? I've started this since Truth is basically over. I'm a little stuck on My Paradise but had to get this idea at least started.**

**xoxo**


	2. Blonde Hair Everywhere

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

There are two things I absolutely hate, mornings and school. Those things usually go together in a horrible torturous way. I push my sunglasses further up my face and take another deep drag from my cigarette.

My sister, Kyla, sits next to me rambling about the history homework we had last night. Of course I didn't even bother doing the homework, I never really do homework.

"Ashley, are you even listening to me?"

She's annoyed with me, like always. I grin and flick my cigarette at her, laughing when she squeals with disgust.

"Sure Ky, you said something about the homework I didn't do."

The sound of a rattling truck gets my attention and out steps my on again, off again girlfriend Jillian. If I could commit I would totally to her because she's hot. Her long black hair is pulled back today and her tight beater matches her cargo pants.

"Hey Ky! Hey gorgeous."

She gives my sister a nod and me a quick kiss, making sure I get to feel her lip ring.

"Jill seriously can you get her to do her homework because at this rate she isn't going to graduate!"

My sort of girlfriend just rolls her eyes and gazes across the quad as our friend Chelsea and her boyfriend Clay join us. Since mornings aren't my thing I tend not to listen to the four of them when they rattle on before school.

Jill punching me in the arm gets my attention and I push down my sunglasses to glare at her.

"Whoa check out the legs on that blonde!"

I turn my head and swoon. Before I can get a really good look at her she disappears into the crowd. Eh, oh well.

"Oh that's the new girl, don't remember her name though. It was something weird that you don't hear every day…"

And just like that I'm not paying attention again. When I started middle school my parents thought I had ADD, later they learned I just didn't give a shit. The bell rings and everyone but Jill and I take off for classes.

She lights up another cigarette and blows smoke rings out in front of her. She is so sexy.

Just as I'm about to grab her and kiss her until I can't breathe Madison and Sherry walk by. Oh yay my favorite people.

"Look Sherry, dykes on display."

Madison's words make my blood boil but I've gotten good at pretending what she says doesn't bother me. Jillian continues to puff away indifferently and I just lean back on my elbows while staring at them through my sunglasses.

"What Davies no witty retort?"

Sherry sneers at me and gives me the once over. Ok pause here because there's something I just have to say. I truly believe that Sherry has a huge crush on me and that's why she tortures me. Every time she comes near me the bitch checks me out! Anyway…

"Yeah I would but I'm tired guys, maybe tomorrow?"

They both scoff and scuttle off for the gym, probably to watch the meatheads play some sport. I can feel a pair of eyes staring at me and I turn to meet Jillian's gaze.

"I hate them."

The way she deadpans her words makes me burst out in gut busting laughter and soon she's joining me. She stands and offers her hand to pull me up. I, of course, accept and pull her into a firm kiss when I get to my feet. She grins into the kiss and pulls back, laughing when she sees my pout.

"Come on Ash, we should really get to class."

I sling my bag over my shoulder and snub out Jill's cig on the pavement.

"Yeah whatever you say."

She slaps my ass as she walks the other direction her hips swaying as she does so, I swear she does that so I'll watch. I figure I'll wait until second period to go because well first period is half way over anyways, what would be the point of going now.

The sun is getting higher in the sky and making it impossibly hot outside, makes me miss Ohio. And then when I think of Ohio I always think of Spencer, it makes me smile softly to myself.

With a sigh/groan I take off for second period and that's when I see that flash of blonde hair again. Again I can't see her clearly because she's nestled against that jock, Aiden. As soon as I've seen her, she's gone.

"Ashley! Ashley Davies, stay right where you are!"

Shit, my teacher's after my ass. I flash a grin Chelsea's way before sprinting to my next class. I skid to a stop right outside the classroom door and then bust in with a triumphant smile upon my face.

"Hey Mr. P, as you probably noticed I'm a whole minute early."

The young teacher looks up from his desk and takes off his glasses with a sigh. If I was into boys I would totally sleep with him.

"Ashley that's great but you don't have class with me until 4th period, it is only 2nd period."

Uh the hot bastard is right, I'm at the wrong class and the bell is going to ring in…*RINGGGGGGG* right now, damnit. He rolls his eyes and motions me forward scribbling away on a pad of paper.

"Here Ms. Davies, this should be fine as a pass and please try to go to the right class."

I throw him my best smile and snatch the paper from his hand. As I'm leaving I see the flash of blonde hair but the girl is hunched over rifling through a bag, so I leave without waiting around to see her.

One cigarette and five minutes later I'm sitting listening to some woman talk about something that happened once, whatever.

X X X X X X X X X X

Ah lunch time, my favorite class period. The sound of The Maine buzzes through my ipod as I wait in line for food. Most days I stand here quietly but man I kind of wanna dance, so I do and I sing.

"The looks you give are so contagious the way we move is so outrageous just let me in (wasting time) just let me in."

Oh yeah gotta love naughty lyrics and catchy beats. A hand on my shoulder stops my movements and I twirl around to find a smirking Jillian.

"Having fun Ash?"

Her smartass just earned her some public embarrassment. Grinning I jump in front of her and start to dance up on her loving it when her face blushes a deep shade of red. She tries to push me away but I ain't gonna-

Oh my turn for food! With a wink and a squeal I start to gather food on my tray still singing and dancing as much as possible.

"Can't stop won't stop I must be dreaming!"

I dance backwards to the table keeping Jillian in fits of laughter until we sit down. I admit I'm a little bit of a show-off.

"Ash can you not do that you're embarrassing me like crazy!"

Oh Kyla, always the whiner. Her face is beat red and she has her head ducked down so no one will see her.

"Sorry dear sister I didn't know I was such a liability to your coolness."

Chelsea, Clay, and Jill laugh while shaking their heads, all three of them used to our sisterly dynamics. Now as I chomp into my wonderful burrito my mind wanders again. I do this a lot, go off into my own thoughts.

Listening to music during lunch gives me ideas for my own music that I practice after school. My fingers twitch with desire to play the guitar or piano, either one works for me.

Her hand dances across my thigh and my eyes snap open, my body suddenly on high alert. Why hello Jillian's fingers! She gives me a devilish grin and it makes my body flush.

"Uh I have to go to the bathroom."

"Ew Ashley, are you taking Jill there to have sex with her, again? Seriously guys can't you control yourselves?"

Jill and I both shake our heads and take off for the bathroom with our hands linked. As we're stumbling into the bathroom we bump, no body check, into some unsuspecting girl.  
"Shit sorry."

"Oh no it's ok."

I'd listen to the exchange between Jill and the girl but I'm focused on the task at hand except I do notice the familiar blonde hair float away right as Jill slams me against a stall door.

X X X X X X X X X X X

Another grape goes flying in the air before landing in my mouth. Man I am so good at this. I flick another one into the air before again snagging it with my mouth.

"Ashley sweetie, try and do something constructive for once. Your father and I will be back in a three days. Be good and I love you."

My mother plants a wet kiss on my forehead and I remain on the couch while my parents leave with their luggage. With a sigh I change the channel from something about dogs to something about people getting arrested.

Definitely much more interesting. My phone buzzes annoyingly next to me and a quick peek reveals the caller. I'm thinking about not answering but what else am I going to do?

"Yeah?"

"Nice greeting Ash, you ass. Whatcha doing?"

I can almost hear Jillian rolling her eyes on the other end of the phone.

"Watching TV."

After our stunt in the bathroom you'd think she would want some space, guess not that must just be me.

"I'm coming over."

The line goes dead and I toss the phone onto the floor. My eyes start to droop but I never even enter sleep because my stupid sister comes busting in the room.

"Ashley, oh my God Ash, I have some serious news and you better be sitting down."

I hold up my hands to show her that I am indeed laying down on the couch. She's an idiot sometimes I swear.

"What's up Ky?"

She fidgets in front of me and licks her lips nervously. Kyla is standing right in the way of the TV and I can't see damnit, this better be good.

"I heard from Rick who's cousin is dating Sherry's ex boyfriend who fools around with Madison that the new girl's name is Spencer."

It takes me a minute for everything to digest.

"Wait he's fooling around with Madison? Awesome, Sherry would flip wouldn't she. Ah that'd be great."

A blissful smile finds it's way on my face and I have pictures of Sherry beating on Madison floating around my head.

"ASHLEY! Focus, the girl's name is Spencer."

Of course my whole body is freaking out but I've learned how to contain myself in situations like these. I can't tell you how many times in the past eight years I've thought some blonde chick was Spencer and I can't tell you how many times I've been let down.

"Yeah, so what Kyla? It could be anybody."

Right when Kyla goes to open her mouth Jillian comes waltzing in with a can of whip cream in her hands.

"Wanna go upstairs?"

The raven haired girl has perfect timing. Kyla scoffs as I bolt up and start to drag Jill to my room but the only thing I can really think of is the possibility that it might really be Spencer.

God I hope it's her, I miss her.

**Thank you everyone. I'm so glad you all liked the first chapter so much. Hope this one is just as good! **

**Songs: Count 'Em One, Two, Three and I Must Be Dreaming by The Maine.**

**xoxo**


	3. Fear, Anger, and Beer

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

A week of avoiding the brunette and it's making me on edge. I mean it's her, I know for sure now that I've bumped into her and her 'friend' in the bathroom but the idea of talking to her after eight years is terrifying.

I'm terrified and everyone I've talked to has said she's bad news. Aiden told me she's been in jail. Madison told me she got pregnant once. Sherry said Ashley does drugs and Glen says some guy told him that Ashley killed someone.

I don't know how much I believe the last one. She doesn't seem like the kind of person everyone says she is. I watch her at lunch sometimes and she always seems so carefree, so happy.

"Babe where'd ya go?"

Aiden's green eyes search my face and I remember I was supposed to be listening to him talk about the big game tonight but I ended up staring at Ashley.

"Oh sorry Aid I got distracted. Yes of course I'll be there, I am a cheerleader."

With a clap and my arms spread I give him my best cheer pose, I really hate cheerleading. He snorts on his soda and grabs his stomach as he laughs. We both giggle and I peck him on the lips.

People have quickly started to notice me. First I was the new cheerleader then I came and took the most eligible bachelor. It's been a week and almost everyone knows my name, it's actually kind of creepy and weird.

"Spencer! Pay attention we have practice right now, let's go!"

Madison's shrill voice is right in my ear as she screams at me and I don't bother trying to hide my eye roll. I exchange goodbyes, compete with a lot of kisses, with Aiden and follow the other cheerleaders into the gym.

"Ok girls tonight is the first game. Who's excited?"

All the girls squeal with delight at Madison's question and I raise my hand trying to look enthused. Madison starts to talk about when, where, and what to wear (we have three different outfits, its ridiculous) to the game. My eyes watch the dark haired girl saunter across the gym and I recognize her as the girl that is always attached to Ashley.

"Hey Mads I'm going to the bathroom."

She waves me away and launches back into a story about how my brother gave her flowers, gross. I have to jog to catch up to the girl but I grab her wrist when I reach her.

"The hell?"

She mumbles the words because of the cigarette between her lips. She has to think I'm crazy.

"Hey I bumped into you in the bathroom the other day…"

"Oh yeah, listen sorry about that but we uh ha were a little rushed."

She smirks at me and I notice how beautiful she is. I'd say she looked Brazilian or something like that with her dark hair and tan skin.

"Yeah I don't care about that. The girl you were with, what's her name?"

Her whole body visibly tenses and her eyes narrow, jealousy and possessiveness flashing across her face. My God she's like a rabid pitbull.

"What's it to you?"

Her dark eyes travel the length of my body and it makes me uncomfortable, I've never been looked at like this. A slender hand pulls a lighter out of her back pocket and she lights up right there in the gym.

You know it might be smart to just drop it at this point, yeah I think that's what I'll do.

"Uh nevermind, sorry I bothered you."

I walk quickly to the other cheerleaders but I can feel the dangerous looking girl's eyes on me the whole time. That might have just been the scariest thing I've ever been through.

X X X X X X X X X X

Its halftime and we are winning by ten points. For once I'm actually enjoying being a cheerleader. I get to watch my handsome boyfriend and my idiotic twin kick some ass.

The other girls must hate me because I've been designated to get everyone water from the concession stand.

The girl in front of me is arguing about her hotdog.

"Listen I said I didn't want any black on it. Is it really that hard?"

I bite my lip to keep from laughing as she waves her arms around crazily.

"Ok you I've had enough and I'll have you kicked out of the game."

The girl doesn't seem fazed by the threat as she raises her voice even louder.

"I just want a damn hotdog! You're an idiot."

The concession woman slams a raw hotdog into a bun and shoves it at the girl. This has to be one of the funniest things I've ever witnessed.

"There's your hotdog princess. Next!"

We brush shoulders as I step up and she turns around and my heart almost stops beating. It's Ashley Davies but by the way I get a mumbled apology and nothing more confirms my belief that she doesn't realize who I am.

"Hi, I'm with the cheerleading squad,"

The over sized woman with the chin hair squints at my clothes.

"Clearly."

Whoa what a bitch. I do my best to plaster a fake smile on my face and use my overly nice tone of voice.

"We have water set aside in the fridge. Can I have it now?"

The burly woman yells into the back and kicks a cooler across the floor at me without uttering another word. This is unbelievable, the woman was a bitch, the cooler looks to weigh about 100 pounds and Ashley still doesn't-

"Spencer?"

When I turn to the voice my heart practically stops again because there stands the 18 year old version of Ashley Davies, a half eaten raw hotdog in her hand. We stare at each other and I see that gone are all traces of the tom boy I knew eight years ago.

She wears dark eyeliner and tight, dark clothes but those eyes are the same ones of my best friend from eight years ago.

"A-Ashley?"

A nose crinkling smile erupts across her face and she tosses the hotdog at the concession stand before enveloping me in a breath stealing hug.

"Spencer Carlin! Ahh!"

My ribs start to ache as she squeezes me tighter, her hotdog and my water soon forgotten.

"A-Ashley, I can't breathe!"

She gives a husky laugh before setting me down and her eyes shine as she stares at me. Before either of us get another word in Madison approaches from the gym and that scary girl appears next to Ashley.

"Spencer why are you talking to _her_?"

The smile slides right off Ashley's face and her companion grabs her hand pulling Ashley slightly into her.

"Ash, come on, cheerleaders suck…literally."

Madison turns red with anger and I can't help but feel the sting from the girl's comment. Ashley won't even look at me as her and the other girl disappear back into the gym.

Well that wasn't the reunion I was looking for.

X X X X X X X X X X

We won, Aiden is having a big party at his house and basically the whole school is invited. Of course I'm at his house before anybody and he's walking around getting everything ready without a shirt on. Let me just say my man's hot.

"Aiden come 'ere."

He grins and walks up to me, his big hands sliding around my waist. The feeling of him comforts me and I kiss him softly. He, of course, gets needy quickly and forces deeper kisses on me and he soon has me pinned against the wall, grunting against my neck.

The doorbell rings and he pulls away from me with a hazy look in his eyes.

"Damn Spencer."

I smile and he kisses me once more before he pulls on a shirt to start letting people in. It takes exactly ten minutes for the party to be in full swing. Back in Ohio parties were not like this with the overly loud music and the horny kids, this is insane.

I'm sitting on the steps drinking a beer and talking with Glen when she walks in with that scary girl, whose name is Jillian according to Glen, and both of them look a little drunk already.

"So that's really your Ashley, from home?"

Glen has been filled in on the entire situation, from Madison's pure hatred to that scary girl threatening me with her eyes. I nod weakly and chug the rest of my beer.

"Have you seen my boyfriend?"

My brother cringes and nods, pointing to a table where Aiden is dancing, he's such a tool sometimes. With an eye roll and a scoff I take off for another beer and some quiet.

No one is on the back deck so I slip out quietly and collapse on a lawn chair. The stars wink at me in greeting and the warm night air kisses my skin.

Nights here in L.A. are my favorite and from here you can almost hear the sound of the crashing waves. Dad would have loved it here.

"May I join you?"

Her eyes are bright even in the dark and her smile lights up the night. My immediate response is to grin back and nod enthusiastically.

"Hey Ashley."

An awkward silence settles over us and it seems neither of us knows what to say after eight years of silence. Ashley takes the lead just like she used to.

"Spencer I missed you."

All of a sudden I realize I'm mad at her. Where was she when my dad died or when the woman who used to be my mother disappeared? I tried for at least a year to stay close but she gave up.

"Don't. Why'd you stop calling? Did you stop caring?"

Her face falls as she searches for words.

"Spencer we were ten…"

I don't wanna hear anymore excuses from her. The music thumps from inside and I know someone will come looking for one of us soon.

"So it meant nothing to you? Our friendship was meaningless because we were only ten?"

I don't give her time to respond as I stalk back into the house my blood boiling from being mad at her and mad at myself. I should have let her explain but I'm drunk and hurt. All I want now is another drink and then to spend the evening with Aiden.

Walking back into the living room I see my boyfriend passed out on the couch while people dance and make out around him.

I snort with disgust, grab another beer and head upstairs. Looks like the only thing I'll be spending tonight with is my anger.

X X X X X X X X X X

Monday morning and I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open. Aiden was over all night and I didn't get much sleep. I'm dreading lunch when I'll finally see Ashley after the party. The bell rings and another class period has passed without me retaining anything.

Three classes and two coffees later its lunch and I'm very seriously considering skipping it.

"Hey babe."

Aiden appears by my side giving me a kiss and I know there's no way to avoid lunch now. I spot her immediately and she looks just as she always does. She's laughing and has that girl draped over her.

Well if she's not going to let our confrontation bother her I'm not either. Aiden goes off to our table while I stand in line willing it to move faster.

"Spencer…"

The sound of her husky voice surprises me and when I turn around I look at her with an expressionless face. Ashley looks so sorry it's hard for me to be mad at her.

"What Ashley, here to tell me you never even liked me?"

She cringes and tries to give me a small smile, I'm not impressed.

"No, uh I wanted to apologize and see if you were busy tonight?"

The idea of spending actual time with Ashley excites me and scares me at the same time.

"Why would she hang out with you dyke? She's busy of course."

Madison answers for me and Ashley just shakes her head and gives me a long look before rejoining her friends.

"Madison why do you treat her like that?"

I really don't understand why everyone treats her so bad.

"Spencer, she's no good. If you want us and Aiden you'll stay away from her, she'll ruin you."

She blows me a kiss before sauntering off to join my brother and Aiden. I do want them. I want what's comfortable and what's right but then why can't I stop wanting what everyone says is so wrong?

**Thank you to everyone! I'm very happy and surprised by the responses but I love it and it makes me get another one up sooner! **

**xoxo**


	4. Talking or Yelling?

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

She's gorgeous, like she's painfully good looking all blonde hair and blue eyes. And did I mention she's dating the leader of the jocks? This all adds to the hurt of not talking to her. My friends, her friends, they all hate us being around each other. I've tried talking to her but we get interrupted every time.

To make matters worse I can tell she's mad at me or at our situation. She does the same thing she used to do eight years ago, the cold shoulder with a constant frown.

"Ashley, stop staring at her."

Kyla jabs me in the ribs and pulls the headphones away from my ears. She's quick like a ninja.

"I wasn't staring."

We both know I'm lying through my teeth but I don't want to admit how pathetic my life has become. I want to know her again but damn all these high school boundaries. With a sigh I sink my teeth into the apple I brought for breakfast.

"Ash you gotta snap out of this funk. You're becoming boring."

A perfectly executed eye roll is thrown my sister's way. There are many things Ashley Davies is but boring is not one of them. Although I haven't felt like myself in days, really ever since the first time we talked, if you can even call it that.

I really hope Jill decides not to come today. Between her and Madison I'll never get to talk to Spencer. A minute before the bell rings and I haven't seen Jillian or Madison.

There is no way I'm this lucky. Her golden hair is pulled back in a messy pony tail and she's devoid of make up today, this just makes her every prettier.

As she takes off for her locker I toss my half eaten apple at Kyla's head and jog after her, feeling kind of like a dog chasing a car.

"Spencer! Hey, wait up!"

Her stride falters for a second and then she's back to practically sprinting away from me. Jesus this girl should run track. I catch her at her locker and bend over trying to catch my breath. I should really stop smoking.

"What Ashley? I can't really talk."

She's avoiding looking at me and quite frankly it pisses me off.

"Why can't you talk, besides the whole going to class thing?"

Spencer scrambles to shove books in her bag and is making more of a mess then anything else. If I wasn't so mad right now I might find this funny.

"Because I just can't, I want to but Ashley, I just can't…"

Slamming her locker shut she finally looks at me and her eyes have unshed tears shining in them. My hand shoots out and grabs her wrist as kids pass by us oblivious to our heavy conversation.

"Gimme fifteen minutes to just talk to you and then you can ignore me if you want but please don't base your decision on what other people are saying, please."

She licks her lips nervously and her eyes dart from me to the people around us. I know what she's thinking, that people are talking about her and the resident lesbian.

"Fine I'll meet you on the quad at four. I have practice until then, is that ok?"

Her voice gets soft and concerned at the end making me smile. My nod seals the deal and she takes off for class without another word. Well now I'm too jittery to go to class. I think I'll have a smoke on the quad; it is one of my favorite things to do.

It is four o' clock and I can see her walking towards me, a slight sheen of sweat coating her forehead. The quad is deserted and I can already tell she is more comfortable when people aren't around.

"Is there anywhere quiet we can go?"

What she's really asking is if there's anywhere we can go that there is no one around to see us together. She's ashamed of me and she doesn't even know me. The odds are definitely against me.

"Yeah come on."

I watch her try to lug her cheerleading bag over her shoulder but she tangles herself instead. My chuckle makes her frown so I sigh and grab the bag from her, swinging it easily over my shoulder.

Spencer gives a small smile in thanks and follows me to my car. Today is a bad day to have a black car and it's almost impossible to breathe as I strap myself in. The inside of my car smells like smoke and I inwardly curse myself for not cleaning it up before Spencer got in.

It takes only ten minutes for me to drive to my house with the air conditioning blaring and silence wedged between us. The large gate in front creaks open when I punch in the code. Spencer's face is priceless as she gawks at the house and surrounding area.

Ok I keep saying house but to most people it's a mansion. I personally hate this house; it gets so lonely even when someone else is there.

"Wow Ashley this house is incredible."

Her baby blues are wide as she stares at the vast foyer and dining room. I can't help but watch her stare.

"Uh you thirsty or hungry?"

I want us to get out of this house asap because Kyla is going to be here any minute and I don't want to explain her to Spencer. Things need to be kept light this first conversation.

"A water would be nice."

Her voice is quiet almost meek and she moves slowly through the room glancing at all the pictures. As I get her a glass of water I keep looking at her as she smiles at the pictures. I like her smile.

"Here's your water. Let's sit outside."

She takes the glass from my hand and follows me outside. It's hot as hell but we can put our legs in the pool to cool off. Ah shit Kyla's home and swimming in the pool, perfect.

"Ashley oh my God guess what hap…oh why hello?"

Kyla has a huge grin on her face and her eyes meet mine questioningly. Spencer fidgets uncomfortably as I search for something to say.

"Uh Ky this is Spencer, Spencer that's my half sister Kyla."

My sister's eyebrow quirks knowingly and Spencer's mouth falls open in shock. The three of us stand there awkwardly until Kyla lifts herself out of the pool.

"Well you two have fun. Ash, call me later, Spencer nice to finally meet you."

Spencer stares after my sister with this adorable confused head tilt and I just go sit down next to the pool. This is not going the way I imagined it happening at all.

My nerves are getting the best of me as I pull out a cigarette and slip my sunglasses on my face.

"I can't believe you smoke now."

She sits next to me and let's out a deep sigh when her legs hit the cool water of the pool. A soft smile plays on her face and she closes her eyes, this is the most relaxed I've seen her, ever.

"Ha out of all the things I'm sure you've heard, the fact that I smoke is the most surprising?"

She blushes at my teasing smile and ducks her head down.

"Well…no, I guess it's not."

A radio from somewhere in the house starts blaring Britney Spears and Kyla's voice can be heard screaming the lyrics. Dear God the girl is crazy.

"So, I'm guessing you have a lot of questions for me? Or do you just want to sit here and tell me what I'm feeling again?"

Spencer cringes and bites her lip keeping her eyes away from me. I don't mean to sound so mad but it definitely comes out that way, she's not the only one harboring negative emotions.

"Ashley, I am so sorry I was drunk and mad at my boyfriend so I guess I took it out on you, although I am mad at you, a little."

One, love the way she says my name. Two, hate the way she says 'my boyfriend'.

"Alright apology accepted. How about this, we'll play a little game get to know each other better. We take turns asking questions and you get three passes, if you don't wanna answer just say pass and you can't ask the same question twice. Whatcha think?"

She's giving me a small smile with a far away look on her face and I know she's in some distant memory of us. How do I know you ask? I go there all the time too.

"Ok sounds fair. I'll start then. What's with the half sister?"

I can't help but grin. I knew she'd ask about Ky, I mean who wouldn't?

"Right when my dad found out my mom was pregnant with me he freaked out and cheated, just once but that was all it took. So he ended up fathering two children within a few months of each other. Ky is about two months younger than me."

Spencer has that disbelieving look on her face and I can see her trying to process all of this. I scoot a little closer to her and am pleasantly surprised when I can smell her coconut shampoo.

"Wow that must have been hard on you."

A lazy shrug is my answer and I flick my cigarette out into the yard, Spencer giving a disgusted look at the cancer stick.

"Yeah, ok my turn."

My head is whirling with questions and it's hard to focus enough to just pick one. Plus her shampoo is distracting me from coherent thoughts.

"Ashley, hello? Anybody home?"

I should really learn how to focus. I can feel my cheeks burn and it's not from the sun beating down on us.

"Oops sorry. Ok let's see…ooo were you a cheerleader back in Ohio?"

Now we are sitting close enough that our arms brush and a trail of goosebumps breaks out across my skin. Spencer gives a musical laugh and flips the hair out of her face.

"Uh no. My mother though it would be a good way to make friends."

I can't help but scoff and pull out another cigarette.

"Yeah the wrong kind of friends."

Spencer rips the cigarette out of my hand and throws it in the pool.

"You know from what I've heard you're the kind of person I shouldn't be friends with! There's nothing wrong with who I'm friends with!"

She must be bi-polar because we were laughing and getting along one moment then the next she's screaming at me and storming out of my house. Now she's gone and I sit by the pool until the sun starts to set, my mind trying to figure out what just happened.

The sound of Kyla approaching gets my attention.

"Damn Ash, what did you do to her?"

That's a very good freaking question?

**Thanks again! You are all amazing.**

**xoxo**


	5. Finally Bitter Truth

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

Ok, maybe I shouldn't have freaked out so bad on Ashley but what should I have done? She was insulting my 'friends' and I was falling too easily into everything about her. She's fun, she's pretty, she's free spirited…she's everything I wish I could be but I can't.

There are certain expectations people have of me and if I don't fill them…

Well it would be bad. There are just too many bad things associated with Ashley. It's not like she's ever going to talk to me again, I mean I did blow up and storm out of her house.

"Hey beautiful. Listen how about we go to a movie tonight?"

Aiden is leaning against the locker next to mine as I gather my books; I'm just barely listening to what he's saying. His brilliant smile is directed right at me and I really do realize how lucky I am.

"Sure Aiden sounds great. Meet you there at 7? I have a family thing until then."

The tall boy nods before giving me a quick kiss and jogging off after a friend leaving me to my own thoughts again. Maybe he won't tell my brother and then we don't have to go with him and Madison.  
One more night of Madison hanging all over my brother and I might just jump off a cliff. The rest of the school day sails by easily, except of course lunch. Lunch time means 45 minutes of being in the same area as Ashley. Today she doesn't meet my gaze once as she just fawns all over Jillian.

Practice ends early and I hear Madison say something about a family night making my heart soar with happiness. I even walk home from school whistling, my Ashley and Madison problems for once not clouding my mind.

A note scrawled in my mother's handwriting momentarily brings me down from my high, she has to cancel doing dinner with me. Of course she does, she always does. I feel like I don't even have a mother any more.

My phone buzzes indicating a text.

_See ya soon gorgeous ~Aiden_

It makes me smile and I'm back to being in a good mood. One quick push of a button and my iHome is blaring Lifehouse. What can I say there's just something about them?

"SPENCER! SPENCE TURN THAT SHIT DOWN!!!"

What sounds like a 15 year old girl squeals at me as Glen kicks open my door. Hmm should I tell him he sounds like a girl? Eh probably not. I drop the stack of shirts I'm holding and lower the volume.

"What Glen? Your outfit looks fine, if that's what you want."

Yes he comes to me to see if he looks ok before going out.

"Nah I know I look fly. I wanted to ask what you thought about Madison?"

His body flops onto my bed and he grabs the bottle of water off my nightstand, taking a deep drink. Gross, he can just have that.

"Oh yeah she's really cool."

My life has become one well orchestrated lie after another. Who I am is a lie, who my friends are is a lie, and my happiness is in part a lie.

"Ok, because you know I wouldn't seriously date her if you didn't like her. You're opinion is the only one that matters."

The behemoth can be sweet sometimes and he gives me a quick smile before slipping out of the door, my water still in his hands.

A sigh and a quick minute of self loathing later and I'm out the door to my date. The walk to the theater doesn't take long and I'm there right on time.

My eyes scan the parking lot for Aiden's truck and when I don't see it I decide to just wait inside.

Maybe waiting inside was a bad idea. There at the ticket line stands a familiar group of kids.

"Oh hey Spencer!"

Ashley's sister yells and waves at me making the rest of them turn their attention to me. Great an encounter with the Davies sisters and that scary girl, just what I need.

"Um hi Kyla."

The younger of the two Davies practically bounces up to me with a smile on her face, an almost mischievous glint in her eyes.

"You left so fast yesterday I didn't get to say goodbye."

The blush I feel coating my cheeks matches the one I see crawling up Ashley's face. I watch as Jill gives Ashley a withering glare before storming off in the direction of the bathrooms.

"Oh yeah I had to be somewhere."

I can tell she doesn't believe my lie by the way she quirks her eyebrow at me. Ashley has found the floor very interesting and I shift my weight from one foot to the other.

"So, what are you seeing?"

It takes me several moments to realize Kyla has directed the question at me and I stutter out some sort of response about my boyfriend.

"That movie started 15 minutes ago."

Even though Ashley's husky voice just addressed me she's not looking at me. I must have freaked her out really bad.

Wait, 15 minutes ago? Where the hell is Aiden?

"Oh well then I guess I'll be going."

"Wait no you just can't go. Come on, you can join us!"

Kyla grabs me by the arm and I give her a horrified look. She has to be kidding, a whole night with Ashley and Jillian? This is suicide, this is stupid, ah crap this is totally happening.

Ashley gives Kyla a wide eyed look then her face goes blank as Jillian latches onto her side. Kyla flits away to buy an extra ticket and I'm left alone with the two people who clearly don't want me here.

Jillian is scowling at me and whispers something in Ashley's ear before sauntering off to the concession stand. Ashley and I just stare uncomfortably at each other until Kyla is back, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the entrance.

"So, you and Ash used to be pretty tight huh?"

Memories, painful and pleasant, flood my mind as images of eight years ago rush back. Giggles from behind us remind me to stay in the present where Ashley is upset with me and her crazy half sister is interrogating me.

"Yeah we were inseparable."

She smiles sadly at me as we find our seats and I am in the unfortunate position of being between the two sisters. Ashley stares straight ahead without looking at me and its then I realize I don't know what movie we're in.

"Hey Ky?"

She munches excitedly on popcorn and looks at me with shining eyes.

"Yeah Spence?"

It hits me hard when she calls me by the nickname that only Ashley used to use and I'm surprised that it doesn't really bother me.

"What are we watching?"

Her grin must be contagious because for the first time the other two girls grin too.

"Halloween, the remake of course."

Kyla gives me a quick pat on the shoulder at my horrified face and I think I'm going to be sick. I look at Ashley with worried eyes and she grins recklessly back at me.

"It's ok Spence, I'll protect you. Haven't I always?"

Her raspy voice is quiet in the dim theater and her hot breath tickles my ear. She gives me a small smile before I see Jillian grab her hand and it makes a flash of jealousy cut through me.

I've never been good at sharing, especially when it came to Ashley. Someone in the movie screams and blood splatters across the screen making my stomach turn.  
Ashley must hear some sort of noise come out of me because her free hand slips in one of mine and she squeezes tightly.

The feeling of her hand in mine is a familiar and welcome one as more gore comes from the movie. Ashley must feel how tense I am by how tightly I'm squeezing her hand, so she rubs circles on the top of my hand with her thumb.

We stay like this the rest of the movie, my hand clasped tightly in hers, but as the lights come on our hands quickly separate and she starts whispering against Jill's neck.

"Psh don't worry they are like that all the time. It's kind of sickening actually."

Kyla whispers to me complete with an eye roll and in this instant I decide that Kyla is one of the coolest people I've met. She's almost complete opposite of the free-wheeling Ashley but they seem pretty close. In fact I'm kind of surprised Madison never tried to sink her claws into Kyla.

"Well I should be getting home thanks for the movie Kyla."

She smiles warmly and then her face lights up.

"Spencer you really shouldn't walk home alone. Hey Ash, walk Spence home and I'll take Jillian back!"

Everyone reacts at once: Jillian's mouth falls open, Ashley's eyes widen, and my face flushes hard, all the while Kyla is standing there with a devilish smirk.

"Yeah uh sure, let me say goodnight to Jill?"

I don't want to watch so I hurry off in the direction of my house, Kyla staying in step with me.

"Goodnight Spencer. You should hang with us more often."

The younger Davies gives me a tight hug and walks back to Jillian hitting the taller girl on the back and running away giggling.

Familiar hazel eyes meet mine and Ashley shrugs before pulling out a cigarette. Tonight is kind of chilly for California and it makes me ache for an Ohio snowstorm.

"Do you have to be home right away?"

She's looking at me with certain desperation in her eyes and she's almost begging like a cute puppy would. I find it absolutely adorable, how can I say no to her?

"Ok, what'd you have in mind?"

Ashley gives me a grin before flicking her cigarette in front of us, her hand grabs mine and she pulls me in the opposite direction we were heading.

We walk in silence through the darkness, my hand still tightly clasped by hers. Another cigarette is lit as we walk and it makes me wonder if she'd have picked up the habit if she'd stayed in Ohio. Maybe a lot of things would be different if she'd have stayed.

The sound of the crashing waves is getting louder and it makes me smile with anticipation. Ashley is taking me to the shoreline.

Soon the feeling of cement beneath our feet is replaced with rough sand and Ashley finally releases my hand to slip out of her flip flops, then she immediately grabs my hand again.

Her dark eyes turn to me as if to ask permission for the hand holding so I just give her hand a squeeze and wait for her to start walking again. This is all too familiar; I can't count how many times we did this sort of thing as kids. She would lead and I would follow, anywhere.

"We're here."

The reflection of the moon on the water lights up the entire night and I can see clearly where she's taken me. We are under the pier but away from all city lights and its perfect.

If I'm honest with myself she's perfect too.

"Wow Ashley, this is awesome."

I can feel her watching me as I wander around a little and her gaze is a comforting one. When I turn to her she has a cigarette tangling from her lips and her eyes are warm.

"Spencer, what happened at my place?"

A large lump forms in my throat and I was really hoping she wouldn't ask that. The truth is painful and maybe lying is easier.

"Ashley…"

"No tell me what's really going on."

Now she's standing right in front of me, cigarette gone and her eyes pleading with me.

"I'm scared Ashley. I'm scared to be friends with you. Do you know what they say about you? They say were in jail. They say you were pregnant. My god I even heard a rumor that you killed someone. I can't put me or my family through that, I can't do that to myself."

Each accusation makes her cringe and she turns away from me to face the pounding waves, the waves that pound like my heart. Ashley releases a deep breath and her shoulders sag with defeat.

"Well maybe I should clear some of that up for you."

She sits with her feet in the water and I follow suit, anxious to hear what she has to say.

"I never killed anyone that is completely false. It probably sprang up after I was in jail."

I don't mean to gasp but I do. My best friend would never end up in jail.

"What happened?"

Her eyes stay trained on the ocean as she speaks and there's a definite sadness to her voice, a definite regret.

"I got out of control freshman year and I was drunk one night and also driving. So I was only 15 when I got busted. I was in jail for two days. Then came the court hearings and such."

I want so bad to ask why she was out of control but I bite my tongue, knowing the truth has to be hard for her too.

"And the pregnant thing?"

Ashley's usually bright eyes finally meet mine and there are a thousand apologies floating in them.

"True."

The surprise I feel is taken over by the sympathy and guilt. I've been mad at her but I haven't been there either. She had to go through all this alone, without me.

"The baby?"

Tears spring into her eyes and she turns away before I see them fall.

"I had a miscarriage about three months in. I was going to keep it."

An uneasy silence follows and I realize that no one really knows the brunette sitting next to me.

"Ashley, I'm so sorry. My dad died last year."

Why am I telling her this? Why am I prying open wounds that we both have? Shock is written all across her face and then the familiar sympathetic look is in her eyes. The look is familiar because everyone has been looking at me like this for a year now.

"Spencer, what happened?"

She has the right to know. Ashley knew my dad too, loved him too. Hot tears well up in my eyes and I look out across the dark water as if the answers are out there.

"He died of lung cancer."

Before I have the chance to really break down Ashley's strong arms are around me and I throw my arms around her neck. We sit there and I sob into her shoulder for what seems like forever but it's a place where I've always felt safe.

We break apart from our embrace and we both have tears in our eyes. The mood of the evening needs to be changed before I really lose it.

"So, what's with this whole Jillian thing? By the way she terrifies me."

Ashley lets out a husky chuckle and leans back on her elbows in the sand.

"Well I realized I liked girls, hmm I guess I always knew, and then Jill transferred here sophomore year. The rest is history and don't be afraid she's harmless. She helped me get my act together."

The way Ashley talks about her is a loving one and I wonder if they love each other or if they like each other like I am with Aiden.

"Yeah well, I'm still afraid. Shit, I gotta get home."

My phone reads 1:30 am and I know my mom will be home any minute. Her face momentarily falls and I'm disappointed this night has to end too.

"Ok, I'll walk you home."

It doesn't take us too long to walk to my house and I breathe a sigh of relief when I don't see my mother's car.

"I had a good time tonight Ashley. I'll see you around."

I give her a quick hug, not wanting it to linger when other people might see us. She smiles and lights up a cigarette as she takes off for her house. I watch her until she's swallowed by the night.

See the dark is deceptive, it hides everything and allows us to take off our masks but in the morning light I know I'll slip mine back on and Ashley will be just another girl at a crowded high school.

The reality is she's so much more than that.

**Sorry that took awhile but I got going and couldn't stop. Wanted this one to be good. **

**Thanks to everyone! **

**xoxo**


	6. Thunder and Lightening

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

Kyla is waiting in my room for me when I get home and I flop onto my bed with a contented sigh.

"So, things went well?"

Sometimes I think Kyla knows what's going to happen before it even happens. She's a wizard or a witch might be more accurate.

"Yeah we talked and hugged."

I get a quirked eyebrow in response and she sets down the magazine she was reading. My immaculately dressed half sister stares at me with brown eyes that match mine and she gnaws on her bottom lip.

"Call Jill."

That's all she says as she gets up and walks out of my room but not before kissing the top of my head. I really thought she was going to say something else, huh.

The phone call to Jillian is quick and she promises me coffee in the morning if I pick her up, done deal.

By the time I wash my face, brush my teeth, and potty it's almost 2:45 am. God I'm tired.

Now don't think I'm a fool, I know Spencer is still skittish about being around me and just telling her the truth might have freaked her out more.

That little talk hurt more than I thought it would. I would never want Spencer to think less of me but my past is a nasty one.

With a stretch and a sigh I flop onto my stomach and drift into a place where there are no pressures from school or anything else.

X X X X X X X X X X X

My car rumbles to a stop outside of Jillian's house and I lay on the horn. She comes jogging out of her house and the sight of her makes me smile. This is the most relaxed looking I've seen her in a while with a baggy sweatshirt and wind pants on.

"Morning."

She grunts back at me and then mumbles something about Starbucks. After a few years of Jillian's weird behaviors I understand what she wants. Being the sweet girlfriend person that I am, I give her a sweet kiss on the lips and pull out of her driveway.

"Why are you in such a good mood?"

I light a cigarette and shrug my shoulders, not feeling the need to tell Jill all about the talk with Spencer last night. Her hands rests habitually on my thigh as I drive and she also lights up a cigarette.

At Starbucks I order our usual drinks while Jill fiddles with the radio. The young guy working starts drooling as soon as we pull up and Jillian gives him a flirtatious grin.

"Ew Jill, he's like 14 and he's a he."

She leans over the console so she's an inch away from me and I bite my lip at her lustful expression.

"I'm just going to mess with him, come on play along."

Soft lips land on my neck then teeth scrap my skin and I can't stop the moan that escapes me. The window guy stares with an open mouth as we make out and the asshole doesn't even stop Jill to tell her the coffee is ready.

A firm push gets Jillian to back off and the young guy has the happiest expression on his face. I have a feeling we just made his week.

"Your coffees."

He barely gets the words out and Jill winks at him in thanks as I drive away laughing my ass off. The parking lot at school is crowded when we pull up but I see an open space right next to Kyla's small Neon.

Kyla is over by the cheerleaders talking to Spencer and the sight of the blonde makes my heart leap. The fact that she's talking to my sister is encouraging although Kyla has always been considered too cool to hang out with us.

My sister struts towards us dressed from head to toe in designer clothes that seem way too tight to me.

"Hello ladies. Ash, Spencer says hey."

The knowledge that the blonde was thinking of me gets me to grin like an idiot and both of the other girls just stare at me.

"Snap out of it Ashley. She won't even talk to you at school."

Jillian's voice has a cold edge to it and I know she's right. That jock approaches Spencer and I watch as she starts yelling and waving her arms around. Her face is flushed with anger and Aiden cringes like a whipped dog.

They walk away with Spencer still lecturing him and I know he'll never stand her up again.

"Come on, class time."

Kyla grabs my arm and I throw away my cigarette before starting off for first period, Jill already walking in the opposite direction. I listen to my sister ramble about homecoming before we say our goodbyes and slip into separate classrooms.

As soon as my teacher starts talking I slip headphones into my ears and bob my head to the music.

X X X X X X X X X X X

It's a good day. During the walk to lunch I only get called dyke twice.

"Hello sexy, hello spawn of Satan. Oh and hello of course to the lovely couple."

Kyla scowls at my greeting and I give Jill a peck on the cheek before sitting down. The sky has darkened and you can almost spell the storm rolling in. Several kids have already pulled on hoodies or brought out umbrellas. Thunderstorms remind me of Ohio, of Spencer.

"Hey Ash I invited Spencer over to chill after school since she doesn't have practice."

My sister has the most innocent look on her face but I can see right through it, she's up to something and Jillian looks pissed.

"Uh ok, yeah cool."

It's not the best response but it's all I can manage right now. Today Spencer gives me a shy smile from across the quad and it gets me to grin back at her. Aiden is trying to whisper in her ear but all she does is glare at him and shove him away. Ooo trouble in paradise?

"Listen I'm not coming over after school. My step dad is taking me to dinner."

Jill sounds bored and indifferent to the idea. My hands slide around her body and pull her closer to where I straddle the bench.

"You going to come over after? Please Jill, I promise it'll be worth it."

I whisper things that are making her blush in her ear and her hands rest on my neck, her fingers lightly scratching. Kyla makes a gagging sound followed by laughter from Chels and Clay so I pull away from Jillian to give Ky a shit eating grin.

"Ash I'll try to come over but Brad and mom are trying this whole 'family' thing."

I nod and pull out a cigarette, my body craving the nicotine.

"So, are you guys all going to homecoming? It is only a week away! And we're finally seniors!"

Kyla knows better than to direct that question at me. There is no way in hell I'm going. Organized school events aren't really my thing seeing as just about everyone at the school has a problem with me, whatever.

My cigarette burns out but I figure I have time for another so I light back up. I know I should quit and I know it's bad for me but I figure it's better than some drugs I could be doing.

The bell rings and I watch everyone leave before grabbing my bag off the floor.

"Hi Ashley."

When I look up her blue eyes are sparkling and she's giving me a small smile that makes my knees buckle.

"Hiya Spencer. What's up?"

The quad is empty and I notice she stands closer to me, looks me right in the eyes when there's no one around.

"I hope its ok if I come over after school, I mean Kyla invited me and I didn't even realize I should ask you if it was ok."

She's turning red from not taking a breath but I find this whole nervous rambling amusing so I'll just let her finish.

"You done?"

I can't help but smirk at her and she blushes hard as she nods her head.

"Yeah I think I'm done."

"It's totally fine if you come over. You need a ride?"

She cringes and shuffles her feet. Suddenly I realize that she's going to be late for class, like really late.

"Uh I'm just going to ride with Kyla."

Right back to the whole she doesn't want to be seen with me thing. It's starting to get rather annoying. I give her a forced smile before excusing myself to class.

I get it, I really do. I come off as a bad kid with a lot of problems but I figured when I told her at least some of the truth she'd make her own decisions. Instead she's sticking to what everyone wants her to do, expects her to do.

Goddamn now I need another smoke.

X X X X X X X X X X

For some reason I can't make myself go inside my own house. Maybe it's because I know that what happens in there won't be real. Maybe it's because it hurts to be this version of friends with Spencer.

"Ash since you're sitting out there like an ass, wanna bring me a pop when you finally drag yourself in here?"

Kyla's voice is full of humor and I can tell she thinks I'm crazy. With a sigh I grab a Coke and a Dr. Pepper for Spencer. They are sitting at the island in the kitchen and they've both changed into sweats.

Spencer looks happy, like really happy and I don't think I've ever seen her look like this at school.

"Thank you Ashley."

Spencer's voice is soft as she thanks me and I can tell she's surprised I remember her favorite drink. Kyla watches our exchange with a knowing look.

Thunder rumbles in the distance and it breaks my staring contest with Spencer. A quick glance outside confirms that this storm is going to be huge. The usually sunny sky has turned black with a greenish tint and nothing blows in the breeze.

"This is going to be one hell of a storm."

I agree with my sister, this is going to be intense. We get about two storms like this a year, here comes the first. Spencer has a worried look on her face and Kyla pats her on the shoulder in assurance.

"Guys I really don't like thunderstorms, at all. I guess I should warm you I kind of freak out."

Spencer plays with her fingers while she talks and she has this vulnerable look on her face, like when we were kids and it makes me want to protect her. God I gotta get out of here. Kyla tells Spencer we're going to be fine as I slowly start to creep out of the room.

Maybe they won't notice me leaving. Be like a ninja, be like a ninja…

"Ash, what are you doing?"

Ah crap, they saw me. I freeze mid crouch and very seriously consider just running away. Turning to face them Kyla has an amused smirk on her face and Spencer is just looking at me like I'm crazy, maybe I am.

"Uh."

A clap of thunder rumbles the house and at the same time the lights go out and the rain starts pelting the roof. A frightened squeak comes from, I'm guessing, Spencer and Kyla lets out a bubbly laugh.

Someone shuffling through a drawer gets my attention and a second later a beam of light comes from Kyla's hand.

"Listen you two stay here. I'm going downstairs to check the circuit box."

Kyla looks at me and I do my best to tell her no with my eyes but she raises a challenging eyebrow and takes off for the basement.

More claps of thunder echo through our vast house and Spencer is practically shaking in her chair.

"Wanna go sit in the living room? The chairs are definitely more comfortable."

With wide eyes Spencer nods at me and takes the hand I've extended to help her up. As soon as she's standing she latches onto my arm. The whole thing makes me laugh. The fact that she's this afraid makes me laugh, the fact that I never would have put us here makes me laugh, and now her shocked face at my laughter makes me laugh harder.

"Oh my God Ash, quit being an ass!"

She slaps me across the chest and a small chuckle escapes her mouth. The quiet sound makes me smile to myself as I flop down on the couch. Right as I'm stretching my back Spencer clears her throat and motions for me to scoot over.

A question forms in my head as she sits next to me and I figure now's a good a time as any to ask.

"You still won't talk to me at school."

Ok so maybe it's not so much a question as it is a statement or accusation. Her eyes are sad as they meet mine and her shoulders hunch slightly, she's the picture of broken right now.

"I'm still afraid."

Her answer fills the silence between us and in the darkened living room I hope she can't see the disappointment that I'm sure is all over my face. Lightening flashes revealing the house and for a spilt second I see Spencer is staring at me intently.

Then darkness consumes us again.

"So."

My voice seems rough to my ears and forced as the silence between us grows to unbearably lengths. That one word seems to hang between us and I feel Spencer turn to face me.

"What Ashley?"

"How's your boyfriend?"

I could slap myself right now, I really could. I don't give a shit how her meathead boyfriend is but I can't think of anything else to say.

"Don't act like you care about him Ashley. I'm not stupid."

And with that the silence returns and I almost weep with happiness when I hear Kyla approaching.

"Well looks like the power is going to be down for a while. Spence you should just stay here for the night, there is no way anyone can drive in this right now."

Ok at this point I want to scream "NO, SHE CAN'T STAY!" That is what my brain is telling me to say but I sit there like a mute while they discuss sleeping arraignments.

"I'm going to my room."

Finally I am able to croak out some words as I bolt for my room. Why are things so strained between us? Why can't she see who I really am? She's too blinded by what everyone else says or thinks.

A soft knock at the door makes me groan and all I want right now is to sleep.

"What?"

My sister's accusing stare meets mine and she has the whole hands on the hips thing going on. Let me tell you I'm a little scared right now.

"What did you do to her Ashley? God I leave you two alone for what ten minutes and you can't play nice?"

What the hell is she talking about? From what I can remember I didn't do anything to the girl downstairs.

"Kyla, shut up. I didn't do anything to her! Why are you yelling at me?"

Her frown falters and she gets this confused look on her face as she scratches the back of her head.

"Well uh she's down there crying and saying how you hurt her. Oh maybe she means it hurts to be around you. Are you ok?"

My dear sister is now looking at me like I might break because the idea of Spencer hurting makes me sick and I realize our feelings are almost the same.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Listen Ky, I don't think she wants to talk to me anymore. It's like pulling teeth just to get her to look at me."

Kyla sits down on my bed next to me and grabs my face with both hands.

"Maybe she's not the only one who needs to give the other one a chance. Just go talk to her. I'll be in my room."

With a kiss to my cheek my sister floats away and it takes me a minute to decide what to do. The question is do I want to pretend to be friends with Spencer or have nothing to do with her?

Spencer has her back to me and is watching the lightening over the ocean. It's a beautiful sight seeing the flashes of light over the vast space.

"Spencer."

She doesn't do anything to acknowledge my presence so I continue to just stand there.

"I have missed you Ashley. Almost every day for the past eight years. This wasn't how I saw us reuniting. Dad would still be alive, mom would be happy, and you wouldn't be beaten down by life."

Her voice wavers and I hear her sniffle.

"Spencer…"

She turns and gives me a pained smile with tears rolling down her cheeks.

"This isn't how it's supposed to be. It was never supposed to hurt this much. Why is this so hard?"

I finally sit next to her and with a shaky hand grab hers. My other hand tilts her chin up so her gaze meets mine. When I speak it's with a soft voice that surprises even me.

"Spencer, maybe we're making this hard."

The revelation seems to hit her hard and she faces the ocean again her hand still held tightly in mine. The rest of the night is spent like that, in silence with flashes of lightening illuminating the black night.

**Thanks to everyone. You guys are awesome. **

**xoxo**


	7. I'm Trying ok?

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all!**

"Cut the music. Damnit Spencer, what is with you today?"

Madison is pissed, like homicidal pissed right now. Her green eyes are so dark they're almost black. Don't blame me for my lack of concentration, blame Ashley Davies.

"Sorry Madison, bad day."

She screams in my face some more and then storms off ranting in Spanish. Speak in English you live in the freaking United States.

The other cheerleaders stomp off for the locker room but not before sending as many nasty looks my way as they can. Really, they're sweet girls.

I collapse on the gym floor and close my eyes something about the humid gym lulling me into a sort of daze.

"Comfortable?"

My eyes open to find the source of my distractions smirking above me. Her perfectly sculpted eyebrow is quirked teasingly and the sight of her makes me smile despite my fears.

"Actually yeah, I am. Thanks for asking."

The banging of the locker room door gets my attention so I sit up to see Madison stalking towards us. Eh shit, here comes Satan. Ha she's walking so fast there are almost sparks flying behind her, kind of like Satan would probably have a trial of fire…maybe I should focus now.

"Scram dyke, Spencer get up and let's go."

This is stupid, seriously. I don't deserve this and certainly neither does Ashley. It's about time I freaking stop this shit.

"No."

That one word allows me, for a moment, to be the person I want to be instead of the coward I really am.

"What did you say?"

Madison gets right in my face and Ashley is standing behind her with a blank expression on her face. This whole situation scares the crap out of me, especially a snarling Madison.

"Let's just go Madison."

She gives me a weird look before shooting Ashley a sneer and linking arms with me as we trudge to the locker room.

For the rest of the day I hate myself. God I had the perfect opportunity to show Ashley I do care but I chickened out again. To make matters worse Aiden is following me around like a lost puppy and I'm still uber pissed at him.

He drank and blacked out before our movie the other night. What a tool.

My eyes scan the parking lot as I wait for Glen and I see Ashley and Jillian arguing with each other by their cars.

I can't stop staring, I'm curious. Ashley throws up her hands in defeat as Jill stomps off with an enraged look on her face. It is still so weird to see her every day, like this all feels like a long dream.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you it's rude to stare?"

Kyla's voice makes me jump and she gives a bubbly laugh as I drop all my books. Well that was kind of an asshole move. Her four inch heels kick a pen at me as I scramble to grab my things.

"Jesus Kyla you scared the living daylights outta me."

Giant sunglasses hide most of her face but I can pretty much tell she's smirking. She seems to always have a smirk on her face.

"Come on. You're coming to hang out with me, no arguing."

A big part of me is saying I should tell her no but a small piece of me wants to see Ashley so bad it's taking over everything.

I chance a glance at Ashley and she's puffing away angrily by her car, then she sees me looking and gives me a bright smile.

Yup that just made up my mind.

"Yeah, ok. Sounds good."

Right as I'm opening Kyla's car door a rough hand pulls on my elbow.

"Babe, where are you going?"

He has a slight sweat coating his body and his practice jersey hangs loosely off his muscled frame. The sun is hitting him perfectly and the beams frame his angular face. All of this just makes me want to physically hurt him more.

"Aiden, I'm going with Kyla. I told you I don't wanna talk to you right now."

His name comes out as a sigh because I'm just so done with him and all his bullshit right now. Aiden looks at Kyla behind the wheel and glances behind quickly. When he turns back to face me his expression is a hard one.

"Spencer, just come over to my house."

"Hey toolbox she's coming with us, so beat it."

She appears out of no where and flicks her half smoked cigarette right at his face. The burning stick barely misses and he scowls with disgust.

"I'll call you later to talk about this."

Aiden's voice is clipped and when he turns to walk away he bumps shoulders with Ashley making her scoff.

"Ha, all brawn and no brain. God I hate boys. Kyla, we'll meet you at home."

She steps closer so our bodies are almost touching and pushes the car door shut behind me, her dark eyes locked on mine.

Ashley is so close I can smell the smoke on her breathe and I notice there are gold specks floating in her eyes. Her fingers lace with mine and she tugs me to her car, my hand tingling in hers. Once the sensation spreads through my entire arm and almost all the way into my chest I drop her hand to act like I'm fixing my hair.

I'm not looking forward to being in her car again; the smell of cigarette smoke almost killed me last time. With a reluctant sigh I slide into her car and can't stop my mouth from dropping open.

All the garbage is picked up, the ash tray cleaned, and air fresheners hanging from the rearview mirror. The car smells like clean laundry and looks almost brand new. She's grinning like a fool when I look at her and her eyes seem to sparkle.

"See Spencer, I'm trying and for the first time today I saw you kinda try too."

At her words and caring smile I blush, hard. Ashley grins again before slipping on giant sunglasses and gunning the engine.

X X X X X X X X X X X

"Aaaash, can we please not watch this movie?"

Kyla whines at her sister as Ashley places _Silence of the Lambs_ into the DVD player. I'm with Kyla on this one.

"Ky, suck it up. Ah I friggin' love this movie!"

Her girly squeal surprises me and I laugh as she settles next to me on the couch. Somehow the lights end up off completely and I end up huddled under a blanket with Ashley.

I don't mean to scream out loud but I do, several times. Kyla eventually just burrows herself under a blanket and Ashley watches the screen intently.

It's always in the dark I feel most comfortable around her, the dangerous girl next to me. She's had such a hard life, so many things have happened to her and yet she's still here. The girl gets shit every day at school but she shows up every day, ok maybe she doesn't go to class but she's at least at the school.

The credits start to roll and it takes me by surprise, I didn't know the movie was almost over. I must have gotten lost in my own thoughts again.

"So Spence, did you like it?"

Her husky voice saying my nickname like she used to makes me grin. Ashley is looking at me with expectant eyes and I can tell she wants me to like this movie. In all honesty I caught only some of it.

"Yeah Ash, it was great."

I realize by her nose crinkling smile and her shining eyes that this is probably the first time I've used her nickname. A simple thing like that is a big step and we both realize it.

"I hated it, just like every other time Ash makes me watch it."

Kyla finally reappears from under her blanket and she has a green tint to her face. Ashley just rolls her eyes and whips a pillow at Kyla's face. The pillow sails past Kyla as she ducks and knocks a picture frame off the side table.

"Damnit Ky, couldn't you have just taken it?"

This must piss off the younger Davies because soon she's chasing Ashley around the giant house, their laughter echoing off the walls. With a chuckle and a sigh I push myself off the couch to put the frame back, my breath catching in my throat when I see the picture.

A smaller version of myself hugging a younger Ashley around the waist stares up at me. In the picture we're both grinning with dirt smudged across our faces. You can even see Glen in the background.

"Shit she got away. What are you looking…oh."

Ashley is breathing heavily next to me as I continue to stare at the picture with watery eyes. Why did things have to change so much?

Her hand touches me tentatively on the arm and that simple touch makes me crumble. The picture clatters to the ground as I whirl around and throw myself into Ashley's arms.

"God I've missed you."

I sob the words into her shoulder as she strokes my hair and holds me tight. Ashley smells like vanilla and faintly of smoke but it all just adds to the comfort she's giving me.

"Spencer it's ok. I'm right here."

When I pull away from her she wipes the tears off my face and brushes my bangs out of my eyes.

"I'm so sorry."

The look on her face tells me she knows why I'm apologizing and the way she smiles tells me I'm forgiven. She could never stay mad at me, even as kids.

"Being best friends means never having to say you're sorry."

The corny line gets me to laugh through my tears and Ashley ruffles my hair.

"Oh God that's so cheesy."

"Haha, yeah I think I stole it off a Lifetime movie."

I'm grateful for the change of mood and she's looking at me so intently it makes my heart skip a beat or two. The buzzing of my phone makes me jump and we both turn away, a slight blush coating both of our faces.

_Where are you? Mom's coming home for din. –Glen_

Glen's message makes me squeal with delight and I hug Ashley again as tight as I can. I release her and twirl around with happy tears running down my face. Today is a good day, first Ashley now my mother.

"Jeez Spence what has gotten into you?"

Ashley's looking at me like I've lost my mind and maybe I have.

"Come to dinner with me."

It's not a question but more of a demand and the look of surprise on her face is priceless. I want her there with us, I want her there when I'm most happy.

"Spence, it's ok. You go have dinner with your family."

Her mouth curls in a half smile and I can tell she kind of wants to see the rest of my family.

"Ash, please come with me. I want you there, as my best friend."

I grab her hands and shoot my best puppy dog eyes her way. Inside I'm cheering because I can see her starting to break down. She's fidgeting, looking around, and making this weird grimace expression. I almost yell in victory as she nods her head and gives me a teasing eye roll.

Ten minutes and one car ride later we are outside my house and Ashley seems frozen.

"Come on Ashley, it's just my mother!"

Her dark eyes meet mine in her newly cleaned car. Ashley's dark, curly hair is pulled into a messy bun and her face is actually wiped clean of makeup. She looks great, in fact you can almost see traces of the kid she used to be.

"Yeah, yeah let's do this."

Skipping would be an accurate name for the gait I used to reach my front door and I kind of kick the door in like a member of the SWAT team.

"MOM! GLEN! MOM!"

My curly haired twin pops up from the couch and he has a grin that matches my own.

"Hiya sis and hey hottie. Who's your friend Spence?"

Ew he's hitting on Ashley with that over confident assy smirk on his face.

"Glen remember Ashley, Ashley you remember my pig of a twin brother Glen."

A flash of recognition runs across Glen's face and he stands to pull Ashley into a tight embrace.

They hug and chat for a minute both parties enjoying the other after eight years. Glen used to play dress up with us. He was always the princess,

"Spencer, what if your mother doesn't rememb-"

"Ashley Davies. Oh God last time I saw you, you were a scrawny ten year old tomboy,"

My mother comes after Ashley with open arms and tear filled eyes. Watching my mother embrace Ashley it makes my chest ache and makes the familiar pang of nostalgia appear.

"Hey Mrs. C. How ya doin?"

The older blonde cups Ashley's face with both hands and beams at her, the old life back in my mother's face.

The two of them chat carelessly as I watch from across the room. My mother gives Ashley a compliment about being a beautiful young woman and I watch my friend blush a deep shade of scarlet.

"Wow it was so good to see your mom again."

She leans back against her car and lights up a cigarette, the first one I've seen her smoke since we left school. Ashley visibly relaxes at the first puff and smiles lazily at me with dancing eyes.

"I haven't seen her that alive since before dad died. Thank you."

A sad smile settles over Ashley's face as the sun sinks slowly in the sky behind her. It's painting the sky all orange and purple, a cool breeze blowing through my hair.

"Goodnight Spencer."

The burning end of her cigarette flares up as she breathes in deep and the first star winks at us.

"Ash, I'm trying ok? So be patient."

Our hug lasts a little longer tonight before she climbs in her car and speeds off into the night. A heavy hand on my shoulder and a whiff of stale cologne tells me Glen wants to say goodnight.

I walk with linked arms into the house alongside my brother to where my mother is probably waiting. For the first time in a long time it feels like we are a real family tonight and I think I have Ashley Davies to thank for that.

**I am so so so sorry. My computer was down and then when we fixed my computer it messed up the internet. **

**Thank you to everyone for everything.**

**xoxo**


	8. Butterflies and somersaults

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

I always told myself I wouldn't be the asshole who used flowers to apologize, yet here I am with a bundle of flowers, knocking on Jillian's green, front door.

Her mom and step dad's cars are missing from the driveway and the pounding of a bass tells me that Jill is home listening to music. Almost as soon as my fist hits the door the music stops and footsteps start coming towards me.

The door opens to reveal Jillian in her workout clothes and a cigarette dangling from her lips. Her eyes narrow in anger at the sight of me and it makes me cringe.

"I bought you flowers."

Jill's eyes flicker to the flowers and I can see she almost smiles. Maybe I should tell you why we fought and why I felt like I should apologize. See Jillian saw me flirting with Carmen, the other resident lesbian. Jill got pissed and yelled at me.

Well being the asshole that I am, I told her it didn't matter it wasn't like she and I were dating. That made her cry and me feel like shit, even though technically we aren't dating.

"Fine come on inside."

Jillian steps aside and let's me pass her into her modest ranch style house. Two tiny dogs immediately starting yipping and snapping at my ankles. A harsh noise from Jill sends the two dogs running and I give her a thankful smile.

"I'm sorry Jill. I said some things I didn't mean, forgive me?"

I finish with my award winning pout and she steps closer to me, her fingers dancing along my collarbone. She smells like stale sweat and deodorant, its kind of sexy.

"Yes you're forgiven. Sex now?"

Her warm lips land on mine and the flowers drop to the ground. But why in this instant when I'm with the person I care about most I'm thinking about a blue eyed blonde?

X X X X X X X X X X X

The bright sun makes sweat trickle from my forehead onto my glasses. Kyla is bitching about how hot she is and Jillian is pretending to listen to her as we sit on the quad during lunch. Spencer has been shooting me shy smiles all hour and it makes my stomach flutter.

God what is she doing to me?

My glasses slide down my face and with a lazy push I put them back where they belong.

"Hey Ash, wanna go to the basketball game tonight?"

Kyla gazes at me questioningly and I know she won't go unless I join her. Another look at Spencer's too short skirt and I realize I've already made up my mind.

"Yeah sure, why not? You going to join us Jill?"

My sort of girlfriend blows out some smoke and stares at me with lazy eyes. I can already tell she's not even close to interested in joining us. Her mouth turns into an amused crooked smile and wraps her arm around Kyla's shoulder.

"Nah, you guys should have a sisterly bonding night."

Kyla shrugs Jill's arm off and they starting flicking at each other while I watch Aiden try to make out with Spencer. My old friend looks bored. Watching that meat head try to grope Spencer makes me kinda sick so I light up a cigarette and take a deep drag.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Chelsea's voice is low as she quirks an eyebrow at me. Now Chels and I usually don't talk much but when we do I enjoy her thoughts.

"Chels I don't think what's going on in my head is even worth that much."

She laughs and follows my gaze to where Spencer is sitting giving me coy smiles. Chelsea looks at me knowingly and nods her head.

"Ash…"

"Chelsea don't even start. We're friends."

A playful smirk is thrown my way and the older girl next to me chuckles.

"Uh huh. Whatever you say Ashley."

I roll my eyes and watch as kids start to hustle off to their classes. The humidity makes my tank top stick to my body and I wipe a trickle of sweat off my neck.

I'm trying to finish my cigarette when a pair of long legs appear in front of me and my gaze trails up to her face.

Spencer is grinning at me and giving me this adorable head tilt. Jesus she's trying to kill me. Her blue eyes are sparkling and her cheerleading uniform is unusually bright.

"Hi Ashley, are you coming to the game tonight?"

People milling around us glance our way before returning to their previous activities. For the first time ever Spencer seems completely at ease around me at school, in front of other people.

"Uh yeah Ky and I are both going."

My answer gets her to light up with a bright smile and it makes my stomach do another somersault.

"Well I'll see ya tonight, I gotta run to class."

She flashes me another wide grin and twirls in the opposite direction towards class.

"Yeah bye Spence."

Her eyes meet mine over her shoulder and they're dancing in the bright sunlight, her golden hair pulled into a tight bun.

"Oh and Ashley?"

"Huh?"

Spencer's bites her bottom lip and rearranges her bag on her shoulder. It's so cute, really anything she does is cute.

"I really like your glasses."

Well its official my glasses are now going to be permanently attached to my face. A cool breeze cuts through the quad and it dries the sweat running down my neck.

My phone buzzes next to me and I flip it open without hesitation.

_Where are you? QUIZ in algebra!!! –Jill _

Oh shit, time to run!

X X X X X X X X X X

My hand shakes slightly as I apply the finishing touches of my eyeliner, the low sound of my radio drifting through my bathroom. My mind is whirling as I do some finishing touches on my make up. I can't shake thoughts of Spencer out of my mind.  
"Ash, you ready?"

My younger sister's whiney voice yells at me through the intercom and I slip into my shoes. I grab my purse off the bed and smirk into my mirror before dashing out to where Kyla is leaning against my car waiting for me.

"Let's go princess."

I light a cigarette as I slide into the driver's seat and Kyla rolls down her window as I pull out of the driveway.

The whole drive to the school I have this pit in my stomach, I think it's from nerves. I can't believe I'm nervous about seeing Spencer at a basketball game. When did I get like this? When did Spencer get this hold over me?

A sea of students is filing into the gym when we show up and the sound of screeching shoes and bouncing basketballs reaches my ears before we even enter the gym.

Walking in the first thing I notice is how stuffy the gym is and how many people are packed into the bleachers.

"God we're never going to find a seat!"

Kyla's whining again and it makes me want another cigarette. When's halftime again? We find two seats next to a freshman with braces and oversized glasses. The kid I'm squished next to has to weigh 250lbs, he's a big boy.

My eyes are glued on her as soon as the cheerleaders start their beginning routine. She has a giant fake smile on her face and it doesn't even come close to the ways she always smiles at me.

I can't help but grin when our eyes lock and a real smile finds it's way on her face.

Twenty minutes into the game and I've had enough of sweaty men running around. Kyla on the other hand seems enthralled by the testosterone parade.

"Ky I'm going to have a cig, be right back."

Kyla dismisses me with the wave of a hand as she chats up the girl behind her and the ease with which she deals with strangers gets me to roll my eyes.

The night air is cool compared to the gym and the feeling of it on my skin gets a trail of goosebumps to appear. One deep drag and I'm already starting to feel better, the faint sounds of the game reaching me where I smoke.

"That'll kill you ya know."

I choke on the smoke and start a vicious round of coughing, she just laughs playfully.

"God Spencer, you scared the shit outta me."

Once I recover from having the life scared out of me I lean back against the building to take another hit from my cigarette. The stars are starting to pop out of the black night and it's weird that tonight you can actually see them.

"How come you're not watching the game?"

Spencer is doing that head tilt thing and she's staring at me intently, her blue eyes seeming to shine in the dim light.

"Well, why aren't you in there cheering?"

I get a shrug of the shoulders and we settle into a comfortable silence. She's standing so close that occasionally our shoulders brush, making more goosebumps explode across my skin.

"SPENCER!?!?"

We both recognize the voice immediately. It makes me roll my eyes and her frown. The Latina cheerleader finds us and does the whole hands on the hips thing, what a bitch.

"Oh hey Madison, what's up?"

Madison is glaring at me with nothing but pure hatred on her face, her lip practically curled back in a snarl.

"It's almost halftime."

It's striking me as odd that Madison hasn't said anything to me or made some jab at me. Spencer is just smiling as she nods at the other cheerleader and Madison storms off back to the gym.

"Well I have to get back, gotta cheer, stomp, rawr."

She nudges my side and pushes herself off the wall.

"Wait Spencer."

I grab her arm and pull her back towards me, every nerve ending in my body on high alert. I actually kind of feel like that one time I got electrocuted but this is way better.

"Yeah Ash?"

She's whispering because we're so close and I want to reach up, stroke her cheek or her hair. It doesn't really matter I just wanna touch her.

"Come hang out with me after the game?"

A bright smile and a nod give me the answer I was looking for before she jogs back to the game.

I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding and my knees buckle before I can stand up straight. Kyla is probably pissed I'm not in there with her but I can't now, I'll be fidgeting and restless.

So while I wait I'll sit out here smoke another cigarette and listen to the cars fly by on the highway. What seems like hours later I hear the buzzer signaling the end of the game and I suddenly feel kind of sick to my stomach.

Walking back through the gym I notice Spencer standing there with Madison, Aiden, and her brother, all of them arguing quietly. For a second Spencer's eyes meet mine and I almost trip over myself.

"God where the hell have you been? I was up there by myself for like the whole game."

Kyla loops her arm with mine as we walk back to my car and I watch her give some boy a flirtatious smile.

"Hey uh Spencer is coming to hang out."

She raises an eyebrow at me and tries to bite back her shit eating grin, so not working.

"Good, good I like her."

Kyla's just staring at me with this weird look on her face when I see Spencer approaching us. Now all my attention is on the blonde walking this way. For an instant she looks sad and kind of scared then she sees us and grins.

Her smile sends the butterflies in my stomach into action.

"Hey Ky, hey Ash."

Ten minutes of small talk and two left turns later we arrive at my house. Kyla goes in ahead of us and I watch the light in her room turn on. Spencer and I are just standing outside my house and for the first time I am the one feeling uncomfortable. I shouldn't be having the feelings I am.

"Can we just sit out here? It's a really nice night."

Her question gets me to smile. She wants to be out here with me, with no Kyla. I think I can do that.

We sit on my front steps and she rolls her sweat pants up to her knees as I habitually light up a cigarette. Well this is nice.

"Ash, what happened to you? Like why did you end up doing such bad stuff?"

And just like that it's not so nice anymore, shit.

**Thanks for everything, you guys are amazing.**

**xoxo**


	9. Horror Story, Big Brother, and Coffee

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

I've enjoyed getting to know her better over these last few days; it's even been nice to really talk to her at school. This fear that eats away at me is getting easier to deal with and her smile makes facing my fears worth it.

Now here we sit on the coolest evening I've experienced since I've been in L.A. The stars are shining unusually bright and they light up the night enough that I can make out her face in the darkness.

Her chocolate eyes are broken and I can tell she's debating on whether or not to really talk to me about this. Ashley's skin is cool under my hand as I lay a comforting hand on her arm.

"Please Ash, you can talk to me."

I watch her take a shaky breath and with trembling hands light up another disgusting cigarette. I notice she smokes a lot when she's nervous.

"I was fourteen when it happened."

She pauses and takes another long drag from her cigarette, unshed tears already brimming around her beautiful eyes. I wait patiently for her to continue and I can tell this is hard for her.

"So anyway, I had just started high school and I used to run with Madison. Yeah, yeah Madison and I were friends. She took me to this party and I was so excited I mean it was my first high school party."

Ashley looks at me with eyes that seem to beg for me to ask her to stop but I need to know. Something about this part of her life I need to know. When I don't say anything she sighs and flicks her cigarette onto the sidewalk, a spark bouncing on the concrete.

"I started drinking because, well everyone told me I should. Someone turned off the lights and I got dizzy all of a sudden."

Tears start running down her face and she stares off into the distance.

"I ended up in some random room with this senior guy. He started taking my clothes off but I said no. Spencer I said no."

She starts sobbing so I wrap my arms around her and pull her close. Ashley sobs into my neck and this wasn't what I was expecting. She was so young. God my poor Ashley. I stroke her hair and rock her in my arms until she stops sobbing.

"Ash, have you ever told anyone what happened?"

Her twitchy fingers light another cigarette and it seems to calm her down some.

"No, you uh you're the first person. Not even Kyla knows. So to forget I turned to drugs, alcohol, and sex with women but uh I ended up sleeping with one more guy before I figured out I didn't like them at all. That one time got me pregnant."

Her voice has turned bitter and she frowns into the smoke surrounding her. It hurts me to see her so upset, hurting so badly.

"Ash, I am so sorry."

A sad smile is tossed my way carelessly and she looks exhausted.

"Yeah, I'm ok now. I really am."

I know she's ok now and I know why she's ok. The fact that I wasn't the one to help her makes a sharp stab of jealousy course through me.

"I'm really glad Jillian helped you so much."

Ashley nods absently and her shoulders slouch as we sit in silence. She rearranges herself in the darkness and her head ends up on my shoulder, the rest of her body pressed up against mine.

"Spence, tell me something happy."

My fingers find their way into her hair making her sigh contentedly. Fireflies dance across the front yard, exploding with light every few feet. They make me smile and remind me of when Ashley used to catch them for me.

"Hmm something happy…I've loved spending time with you recently."

She adjusts so her chin is resting on my shoulder and her eyes scan my face. The way she looks at me makes me feel so exposed but not in a bad way. There's a smile tugging at her lips and it makes me grin.

"Yeah me too."

We sit together on those cold steps until we both end up falling asleep. The first signs of dawn wake me up and I notice two things right away. First, someone and I'm going to guess Kyla, has draped a blanket over us. Second Ashley's face is tucked into the crook of my neck with her body curled around mine.

The sun is just starting to peak over the horizon and the sky is reddish orange right now. Ashley mumbles something in her sleep and nuzzles further into me. We used to sleep like this when we were kids, the memory gets me to smile down at my friend.

"Spence, go back to sleep."

Her raspy voice is even rougher in the morning hours and slurred with sleepiness. I chuckle trying to stretch but the death grip she has on me won't allow me to really move.

"Ashley, I have to go home. We still have school today."

Her are closed and I can't stop myself from brushing me fingers over her cheek, fire erupting beneath my fingertips. Jesus, what the hell was that?

I pull my hand back and just stare at her before wriggling away from her warmth. The early morning air is cool and the dew from the grass makes the lawn appear plastic like.

One last glance back at Ashley tells me she's fallen back into a deep sleep, her mouth twitching as she dreams.

"Sweet dreams Ash."

It's then I realize I don't have any way to get home except walk. Well this isn't working out how I wanted it to. With a groan and shrug I'm off to my house, five long miles looming in front of me. Yes I could have called Madison or Aiden or even more likely Glen but I didn't want to answer their questions yet. I didn't want them to ruin my Ashley induced high.

All too soon my dull brown house appears in the distance with my sweaty twin outside shooting a basketball at the hoop. My cell phone shows that it's about 7:15am so I still have time for a shower and breakfast.

"Yo Spence, where you been?"

Glen wipes some sweat off his forehead before bouncing the ball my way. With one hand I throw it towards the hoop and it goes through with an easy swish. I face him with a smirk just in time to see his eyes roll all the way around.

"I was at a friend's house."

His ice blue eyes that match my own travel over me suspiciously and I can tell he knows there's more to the story.

"Was it Aiden's? Are you sleeping with him?"

Glen gets in my face all angry and protective like. If it wasn't so annoying or infuriating I'd be flattered, maybe.

"Glen it's none of your business who I was with last night, and no I wasn't with Aiden."

Now I'm the one getting in his face and a kind of fear flashes across his face. Yeah he's afraid of me, the pansy.

"Oh…right, sorry sis. Well where were you then? But if you're going to get mad it's ok you don't have to answer."

He cringes and then grins at me, his blue eyes sparkling. I can see he's kidding with me and I shove him in the shoulder as I roll my eyes. We walk with his arm around my shoulders back into the house.

My burly brother grabs two bottles of water from the fridge and throws me one, some condensation splashing on me. I perch myself on a stool and watch Glen start to make us pancakes. He's become my father, my best friend. Glen has grown up so much over the past few months and he seems to be more of an adult than my mother some days.

"Glen, I don't want you to date Madison."

I cringe because the last thing I want is for him to be mad at me but I have to be honest with him. The soft look on his face when he turns around comforts me and hot tears spring to my eyes. God, not more crying.

"Hey Spence, hey it's ok. Shh don't cry sis."

My hand wave stops him from grabbing me to comfort me. The thought of him hugging me just makes me want to cry harder.

"Glen she's horrible, I hate her."

He sits across from me and takes one of my hands in his own. Sometimes when I look at him all I see is dad. It hurts so much.

"Is that the real reason you're so upset? It's ok to miss him Spence, I do. I miss him every day."

The unshed tears shining in his eyes only make me cry harder. I hate seeing him upset. We both sit with tear streaked cheeks until it's time for school and I want nothing more than to curl up under the covers of my bed.

Pulling into school the first thing I notice is the brunette leaning against the front entrance, a cigarette in one hand and a coffee in the other. Almost as if she can feel my gaze her eyes meet mine and she grins happily at me.

"Spence?"

I look at my brother and he smiles softly.

"Yeah Glen?"

"It'll be ok."

With those words and a quick kiss to the forehead Glen jogs off after Madison. The sight of them arguing immediately makes me feel happy but in a guilty way.

"Hey ya snuck out on me."

Her raspy voice makes me smile and a hot coffee is handed to me while a cigarette is flicked behind her.

"I tried to wake you but you sleep like a dead person."

She chuckles as she stares at me and I notice how close she's standing to me. I guess it should bother me but after last night a whole new set of rules exist.

"How's the coffee?"

The bitter liquid is scalding but the caffeine is needed, especially after my early morning. Her dark eyes twinkle in the morning light and I notice that her counterpart is missing.

"Uh coffee's good, where's Jillian?"

She doesn't stop smiling at me and it's making me a little bit self conscious. The way she looks at me is so intense yet so warm.

"She's running late, like usual and Kyla is-coming right behind you, heads up."

Before I can even turn around the whirlwind that is Kyla hugs me tight making some of my coffee spill on the hot concrete.

"Good morning Spencer! How late did you stay last night?"

Ashley cocks an amused eyebrow my way as I try to stutter out an answer.

"Not too late Ky, don't you worry your pretty little head about it. Spencer was just telling me about her English class project. It sounds fascinating."

I watch Kyla's eyes start to glaze over as Ashley talks about classic literature and Shakespeare. When someone Kyla knows walks by she jumps at the opportunity to talk to anyone who isn't her sister.

Once Kyla is gone Ashley looks at me with a triumphant smile.

"Ashley Davies, you are too mean."

Right as she opens her mouth to answer a familiar pair of arms wrap around her from behind.

"Ash, good morning. Spencer."

Jillian pecks Ashley's cheek and sends me an almost nice look. Well this is my cue to leave while I'm still ahead.

"I gotta go to class. Thanks for the coffee Ash, bye Jillian."

As I walk away I can hear muffled angry words from both girls and my boyfriend is waiting for me by my locker, peachy.

"Hey Spence, where did you disappear to last night? I really wanted you to come hang out at my place."

He gives me a dazzling smile complete with dimples. Aiden really is a good guy, I should cut him some slack.

"Hmm what are you doing after practice today? Because I miss my boyfriend."

His green eyes shine bright as he leans down to kiss me as the bell rings harshly above us. Aiden gives me a smile before jogging off to class leaving me alone in the quiet hallway.

"Skipping class? Bad Spencer."

I don't have to turn around to know who is talking, the smell of cigarette smoke and the raspiness of her voice telling me Ashley is standing there. She's smirking at me with pure amusement written all over her face, she's something else.

"Yeah for once, I am."

Her crooked smile makes me feel warm inside and she holds out her hand for me to take.

"Come on, I'm skipping too."

And just like when we were kids I'm back to following the daring brunette to wherever she'll take me.

**Thank you all. I love the reviews. **

**xoxo**


	10. Can and Want Are Two Different Things

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all!**

The giant, rosy cheeked man hands me one vanilla ice cream cone and one chocolate one. Spencer loves vanilla for some reason; I always told her vanilla has no taste. The wind is blowing a slight breeze through the street and its making her hair fly out behind her.

Moments like this I can't believe the direction my life has taken. If you'd have asked me two, even a year ago if I thought I'd ever have Spencer Carlin back in my life I would have laughed in your face.

"One boring ice cream for the lovely lady."

Her clear, blue eyes roll back in her head and she scoffs at me as I smirk playfully.

"Ash, vanilla is not boring. God you're such a brat."

She slaps at me playfully making me grin at her. The ice cream is melting fast as we walk along the street towards the beach. Spencer walks in slow, easy strides the summer sun making her hair even lighter than usual.

I toss my ice cream pretty fast and light up a cigarette but toss that too when I see Spencer make a face at me.

"It's a nice day out."

Oh God could I be any more lame? But she's looking at me with an amused smile that makes my heart flutter and my chest swell.

"Yeah Ash, it is nice out today. I'm glad we did this."

And cue my cheesy grin because her words have made my day. I plop down in the sand so my feet are barely in the water, the tide teasing my toes. Her body sits down close to mine and I suddenly become highly aware of that side of me.

"So, I really hope I didn't freak you out last night. I mean I wouldn't want to ruin this, us."

I can't help but be insecure about last night. I've never told anyone what really happened back then. Her eyes are soft as she tilts her head and reaches up to stroke my hair.

"No, you didn't freak me out Ashley. I just wish I could have been here to save you."

I'm falling into her blue eyes that match the ocean in front of me and I have the sudden urge to be closer to her, to hold her. My shaky fingers brush her bangs back and we're so close that our foreheads are almost touching.

Can she hear the blood rushing through my head or my pounding heart? In this instant that's all I can hear. She smiles at me and that's it, that's all it takes to make me crazy. And when I say crazy I mean…my lips land on hers and for a split second she kisses me back, making my head explode and my whole body hum.

Then she's standing and practically running away from me, aw shit.

"Wait, wait Spencer! Stop running, please."

My hand finds her elbow for an instant before she shakes loose and turns on me.

"What did you just do? Goddamnit Ashley you couldn't just leave it be could you! You've ruined everything!"

There are tears running down her cheeks as she glares at me with frantic eyes. My own heart is breaking a little as I open my mouth to say something, anything but no sound comes out as she storms away, her flip flops dangling in her hand.

Ah dear God what have I done?

X X X X X X X X X X

I drive home in shock, or maybe its horror, to find Kyla waiting for me on the couch.

"Where have you been all day? Jesus you look like shit, what happened?"

She's by my side in a flash and she looks genuinely concerned. Kyla's small frame grabs me and sits me down, a glass of water thrust in my hands. She must be able to tell by the look on my face whatever has happened is bad.

My stomach is twisting in knots, my mouth is unbearably dry, and I feel dizzy. There is no way I really did what I think I did. It was only what I thought about doing, I didn't really…no I couldn't have.

"Freakin' say something Ashley! You're scaring me."

Ky is about a second away from panicking so I think I should include her in the mess I've created.

"I uh…might have maybe sorta kissed Spencer."

Her mouth falls open as her eyes widen disbelievingly. We sit on the couch together her with a slack jaw and my internally kicking the shit outta myself. How could I be so stupid?

"Well shit, how'd she react?"

I smile a sad sort of grimace as I stare at a smudge on our carpet, the sound of my mother's workout video blaring through the house.

"She kissed me back then she ran and screamed in my face. She's real angry at me, like so mad I don't know if she'll ever talk to me again."

The thought of a forever angry Spencer makes sudden tears roll down my face as I lean against my sister. Her arms find their familiar resting spot around me and she pulls me closer against her.

"It's going to be ok Ash, we'll figure this out."

God I hope she's right because the look that was in Spencer's eyes tells me different. There was so much anger, so much fear that I doubt I'll ever get to drown in her pools of blue ever again, although that was what got me in trouble to begin with.

"How did this happen Ky? I was just supposed to like her as my best friend but something just…"

My sentence trails off and I can't figure out when things changed for me or why. Spencer has always been a beautiful person to me but when did that become real feelings? Just the thought of her makes my heart beat faster and my stomach do somersaults.

"Ya know from the moment I saw you two together I thought something was going on but I always felt like she felt that way too. Maybe I was wrong…"

Kyla rubs my back, pats my head, and gives me kiss on the cheek before getting up to leave. So there I sit all alone again and all I can think about is that blonde girl that's somehow wriggled her way into my heart.

Two feet appear where I was staring and my eyes travel up tan legs to meet dark, lust filled eyes. She's what just what I need right now and I know she can tell something's bothering me but as I pull her towards my room no questions are asked.

Jill can always make me feel better. God I hope she makes me feel better…

X X X X X X X X X X

They are making out hard core, I mean its so intense its almost like having sex with clothes on. This must be some sort of karma, having to watch Spencer and Aiden play tonsil hockey.

I've already smoked two cigarettes in the past fifteen minutes and I'm about to light up another one. The hand on my shoulder makes me jump.

"Wanna talk about what's bothering you?"

Like I'd tell Jill that I actually like Spencer, she'd flip out. I always thought if I was going to date it'd be Jillian but now, now I want Spencer, I crave Spencer. My mouth is so dry from smoking so much recently but the nicotine calms my over sensitive nerves.

"No."

Jill doesn't deserve me to be short with her but I can't freaking help it right now. Her eyes narrow in anger and she walks away without another word. God I'm just screwing up everything right now.

"Maybe you should stop being such a bitch, just a suggestion."

Kyla is right of course and I'm grateful she whispers in my ear instead of yelling across the quad, sometimes she's an ok person. Although she whispered, her words were harshly spoken and clipped but before I can retort I see Spencer walking alone towards her locker.

"Yeah sorry Ky, gotta go."

In a flash I'm on my feet and half walking half running to where Spencer is digging through her locker. I skid to a stop a few feet away before she notices me and I seriously contemplate my options. I could approach her and figure out what happened or I could leave her be and never kiss or touch her again. Hmm that second one is out of the picture.

Now that I've kissed her I just wanna do it again, and again and again.

"Hey, Spencer."

She cringes at my voice and continues to shuffle through all the books. What hurts the most is she won't even look at me.

"Please Spencer, God I'm sorry if I could go back I'd change everything."

Now she's looking at me but not how I want, her eyes are dark with anger and her forehead is wrinkled. She's the picture of pissed right now.

"Oh so now you regret it? Now all you want is to take it back? God Ashley, you're impossible."

Her locker slams shut as she stalks off and for the second time in two days she leaves me completely dazed. This time is different though this time I go after her.

"Hey, whoa what the hell Spencer?"

I grab her elbow and pull her into the nearest room, it just happens to be a bathroom. Her eyes are red and slightly swollen. Even when she's been crying she's beautiful.

"Damnit Ashley."

Her body presses against mine as she collapses into my arms and openly sobs. The hollow sound coming out of her is enough to tear me into pieces. Her whole body is shaking and she feels so weak in my arms.

Spencer's sobs quiet down as her face stays buried in the crook of my neck. I feel what seems to be a feather light kiss but I have to be imaging things. The same feeling but with more pressure is pressed against my neck below my ear. Now I know I'm not imaging things, that was a kiss.

Then her lips are on mine in the softest kiss imaginable. It goes no further than just her lips gently resting against mine and we stay that way for only a few moments before she breaks away to rest her forehead against mine.

My heart is beating wildly against my ribs and even such an innocent kiss is making it hard for me to catch my breath.

"Spencer…"

"No Ashley I can't."

She takes another step back and I miss her warmth.

"Ashley, as much as I want to I can't."

My head is spinning with confusion and she has to realize how unfair this all is to me. She's playing with my feelings.

"And why can't you? I know you feel something too."

My hands clench angrily at my sides while angry tears threaten to fall down my cheeks. Even when I'm unbelievably mad at her I want nothing more than to kiss her again.

"We can't because of Aiden, and Glen, and Madison, and Jillian, and my mother, and you, and me."

Each person on her list makes my heart sink further and further. Her voice is a breathless sound of despair when she finishes and she brushes past me to join an oblivious crowd of students bustling down the hall.

I can't move. She's frozen me and its weird because she also has the ability to burn me. Familiar arms wrap around my shoulders and lead me to a familiar car where I'm driven to my familiar house and taken to my familiar bedroom. My friend, my sister lays me down on my bed, her comforting hand rubbing circles on my back.

For once she doesn't ask any questions, maybe it's because she knows I'm too upset, too broken to talk about it.

The clanging of a plates tells me its dinner time but I can't move her pained eyes playing over and over again in my head. A glance at my phone shows almost fifteen missed calls or texts but instead of answering I just throw my phone across the room.

My lips still tingle from where her lips gently brushed mine and I want so bad to forget, I'd do anything to forget. My fingers trace the outline of the small bag under my mattress and it seems like the perfect answer.

I pull the bag out and stare at the white powder it contains, one thought floating through my head. This powder could make me forget.

A sharp slap to my forehead gets me to drop the bag and scramble into a sitting position.

"Don't even fucking think about it Ash! God how could it cross your mind. Jesus."

Kyla is fuming and snatches the little bag off my bed as I stare at her with wide, scared eyes. She resembles a shaking pixie, a red pixie, pointing an accusing finger in my face.

Kyla gives one last frustrated growl then storms out of my room just like Spencer has stormed away from me twice now. With a sigh I collapse back onto my bed and hope that sleep will help me forget those haunting blue eyes.

***Bows* **

**Thank you everyone, you guys are truly amazing.**

**xoxo**


	11. Author's Note

I am so sorry I've been absent. I am coming back and determined to finish My Paradise and keep up with Poms. Please forgive me and look for my next updates.

Peace and love to all!


	12. Your Kiss is in the Rain

**Peace and love to all! **

She hasn't been at school for the past three days. I replay that scene from the bathroom over and over in my head. Each time I tell her I don't care about everyone and I just want her. I want us. But that's not what happened and here I sit surrounded by gossiping cheerleaders and testosterone driven jocks.

Aiden's over sized hand rests on my thigh as he recounts last night basketball game. Madison stares wistfully at my brother and I can only look at the table Ashley should be occupying. I can feel Glen giving me a worried look from across our table. He's noticed the changes in me lately.

I haven't had a decent meal or nights sleep since Ashley first kissed me on the beach. All I want is to just see her, to know she's at least still alive.

"Babe, you coming?"

Aiden is trying to pull me towards the senior lockers but I have someone I need to talk to first. I give him a faint smile and I realize he hasn't noticed the differences in my appearance or my attitude. My usually well kept look has been thrown out the window and now I throw on whatever is sitting around my room.

"I'll catch you later."

He doesn't wait for a kiss or a smile as he jogs after Sherry giving her a flirtatious smile. What an assbag. Kyla is smiling but not as wide as usual and she looks exhausted. It takes every once of courage I have to walk to the table where she's sitting with Jillian.

"Hey Kyla, um can I talk to you for a second?"

My voice trembles as Jillian stares at me with disapproval and Kyla looks at me carefully. Their combined gazes make me uncomfortable as the hot midday sun beats down on us. After a few moments, that seem to drag on, Kyla gives me a slight head nod and walks off towards the edge of campus.

"Spencer, what do you want?"

For the first time since I've known her Kyla has a cold look in her eyes and I see just how protective of Ashley she is.

"How is she?"

My voice breaks again and I can't stand looking directly into Kyla's accusing stare. Suddenly I feel so cold under the sun and my light sweater isn't enough to keep me warm. I hear the small brunette release a deep sigh.

"She's been better that's for damn sure but judging by your appearance you've been better too."

My eyes dart to meet hers and the accusing look is gone, only pity shining back at me. Great I must look worse then I thought. Funny how my boyfriend and all the people I consider friends haven't even noticed.

"Listen Spencer just go talk to her. I know what happened and this needs to be figured out. Ashley really cares about you."

Tears well up in my eyes when she hugs me gently and gives me a small smile, neither of which I deserve from her. My shaky legs take me to Glen's car and I take a deep breath before taking off in the direction of the Davies mansion, school and all that comes with it soon forgotten.

X X X X X X X X X X X

All I have to do is knock. It's a simple action really. It consists of a fist hitting a solid object but right now it seems like the most impossible task. My limbs all feel like they weigh too much and the door seems out of reach.

Almost as if I'm watching myself from somewhere above I see my fist land on the door just once. At the sound of a muffled yell and padding feet my heart beat seems to triple and my palms start sweating.

The giant door swings open and just the sight of her makes me smile, even if she does look like hell. Her glasses are perched on her frowning face, her tight jeans have been replaced with oversized basketball shorts, and her usually revealing top is hidden by a baggy sweatshirt. Even without the clothes or makeup she's gorgeous.

We stand like that for several minutes, her just staring at me and I just shift my weight from foot to foot.

"What do you want?"

Her raspy voice is a welcome sound and I almost break down in tears right there. Ashley pulls out a pack of cigarettes and I want to say something but I know I've lost any right.

"I wanted to see you, see how you are. So, how are you?"

A cloud of smoke comes out of her mouth; a mouth that I know feels so good on my own. Somewhere a dog starts barking in the distance and the sound of a lawn mower buzzes through the thick air. Waiting for her to answer is torture and I can see her fighting an internal battle.

Her hazel eyes finally meet mine with anger and sadness swirling behind her black rimmed glasses.

"I'm fine Spencer. You should just go."

She flicks her cigarette past me into the yard and turns to shut the door in my face. This is not how I saw this going and I'm not letting her just walk away so I grab her wrist and tug her into the yard.

"Ashley please, can't we talk?"

Anger flashes across her face and she gives me a slight shove backwards. I can see her starting to lose control and for the first time ever I am afraid of the girl in front of me.

"And what do you expect me to say Spencer? I think I made my feelings pretty clear."

Light droplets of rain start falling from the sky as thunderclouds roll above us. My heart is hammering against my ribs and my mouth is dry. I came here to fix it and I'm not leaving until I do.

"I'm sorry Ashley, if I could go back and do or say something different I would."

A cynical scoff leaves her mouth and her slender fingers rub her forehead.

"What do you want Spencer? Not your family or Aiden or your friends but you, what do you want?"

She steps closer with each word and her hands grab my shoulders squeezing tightly. The anger and fear spills out of me as the sky opens up. Cold rain races down my back, my face and she's looking at me with the most intense gaze I've ever seen.

"I want you ok? I want us and I want this."

My hands cup her face and I pull her into a forceful kiss, the pressure in my chest exploding. She gasps when I pull her further into me and her mouth starts to move against mine. The heat from her body, from her lips is burning a delicious hole in me. Ashley's long fingers thread through my hair as she deepens the kiss and I'm in total surrender to her now.

We both pull back panting and staring at each other. The mixed feelings of anger, regret, and desire resonate between us. She presses a surprisingly gentle kiss to my forehead before grabbing my hand and pulling me into her house.

She sits us down on the couch with about a foot of space between us and the only sound that can be heard is the rain pelting on the roof. My body is absolutely humming with awareness and I didn't know I could ever feel like this.

"Well…"

Ashley of course breaks the silence. I turn towards her and rest my hand against her neck.

"Kiss me again. Ashley, kiss me again."

A devilish grin appears on her face before she practically tackles me into the couch. Our combined giggles joining the sound of the insistent rain.

X X X X X X X X X X

I haven't stopped smiling since I left Ashley's over two hours ago. She's all I can think about and those thoughts make tingles run through my body. A glance at my cell phone shows me two texts from Aiden, a missed call from Madison, and a picture Ashley sent me of us kissing.

I bump hard into Glen as I round the corner of the hallway not paying attention to where I am going.

"Oh hey Spence. You got a minute?"

He's blue eyes are shining with concern but there's no longer any need to worry about me.

"Sure Glen."

He gives me a toothy grin as we both slide down to sit on the floor of the hallway. We used to do this when we were little kids. The stairs to our rooms gave us the perfect view of the living room and we used to watch my parents dance and laugh the night away.

"Now you don't have to tell me what is going on or why but are you ok? Did Aiden do something to you?"

For a few seconds I consider lying to him. Would he love me even if I like Ashley or would he find me disgusting? I love him and I know he could see everything I see in her.

"No Glen. I had a fight with Ashley."

Relief floods his face and his expression becomes an easy going one again.

"Oh good because I was ready to kick his ass."

Glen goes to stand but I pull him back down and grab both his hands.

"Glen, I like Ashley."

"Uh yeah she's ok."

He just gives me a confused stare as I chuckle and shake my head. Sometimes this boy is so dense.

"No, I like like Ashley. I spent all afternoon on her couch making out with her."

The grin that spreads across his face surprises the hell out of me and he lets out a deep laugh.

"Ok, I like Ashley better then Aiden anyways. Plus her sister is totally hot."

Happy tears spring out of my eyes as I cling to my brother and laugh into his shoulder. For the first time in a while things feel better.

**Ok I know it's a little bit shorter than usual but I'm getting back into the swing of things. Again I apologize. This is my peace offering. **


	13. I've Always Wanted You

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

I'm floating on cloud nine, seriously floating. It took us 45 minutes to say goodnight before Spencer finally left. I can still taste her and my sweatshirt now smells like her. The rain has let up and if you look closely you can see a rainbow in the distance. After a quick call for a giant pizza and a hot shower I'm still buzzing when Kyla waltzes in the door.

"Ugh God Ashley you should have seen Madison's hair today! Seriously, it looked like a squirrel died on her head. You look awfully perky, what did I miss?"

My wonderful sister cocks an unsure eyebrow at me and I shove a plate of pizza towards her.

"Spencer stopped by."

Man even just saying her name makes me grin like an idiot. Now Ky's looking amused and nibbling at the slice of pizza in her perfectly manicured hands.

"Oh really, what happened? Although looking at the giant ass grin on your face I can probably guess."

I try my best to look indifferent at her words and my own feelings but it feels like there are a million bouncy balls jumping around in my stomach.

"Well she came here and we fought. Then we made out, I mean we made out a lot."

A surprising blush makes my cheeks burn and Kyla gives me a soft smile. She moves from being perched on the chair across from me to sitting practically in my lap on the couch.

"I'm happy for you and all but what about Jill or Aiden? Did you guys talk about it?"

My shoulders slump when I realize Kyla's right. Spence and I didn't fix anything. The only thing we did was complicate things.

Will she even look at me tomorrow at school? Kyla runs a hand through my hair and hugs me close, her comforting arms circling around my shoulders.

"Things are gonna work out right Ky?"

I can feel her sad smile against the side of my head.

"Of course Ash."

She's lying but I don't care. She's saying what I need to hear right now and that's all that matters.

X X X X X X X X X X

I can see her through my windshield. She's back to looking perfect with her tiny cheerleading uniform and shining hair. The sight of her laughing again makes me smile as I slip my sunglasses on and light up a cigarette.

Jillian runs towards me and leaps into my arms, crushing me in a breath stealing hug.

"Ash, it's good to have you back."

As soon as Jillian starts to kiss me I can feel Spencer's gaze burning a hole in me. Jill breaks away and grins before grabbing my hand to lead me to where the others sit. Kyla looks at me warily and nods in the direction of a steaming Spencer. Her harsh frown makes me cringe and look away quickly.

Jill's eyes widen across the table at me and Kyla is staring past me with an amused grin. What the hell is their problem? When I turn around there stands a fuming Spencer but all I can focus on is how short her skirt really is.

"Ashley can I talk to you for a second?"

It's probably bad that all I can think about is having sex with her right now. She doesn't look like she's in the mood. Her grip on my wrist is tight as she drags me into an empty classroom and the sound of the slamming door gets me to stop staring at her never ending legs.

"Would you look up here please?"

My eyes drag up her scantily clad body to her smoldering eyes that have turned a dark shade of blue. I step closer to her and it only makes her frown harder.

"Hey Spence, what's up?"

My hands have a mind of their own as they reach out and start playing with the hem of her top. Spencer tries to slap my hands away but I trace them over her exposed stomach. She is so sexy.

"What the hell was that? And stop touching me, seriously Ash knock it off."

Her words start strong but there's no conviction in her demand for the stomach stroking to stop.

"Hmm what? God you're so beautiful."

Spencer blushes, hard, and then returns to giving me a look of disgust.

"I meant what is Jill's tongue doing down your throat?"

Now I can't stop staring at her neck, her smooth and slender neck. I can see her pulse beating steadily and it takes me several moments to focus.

"Spence, what would you like me to tell her?"

This time Spencer invades my space and shoves me against the wall. A sexy smirk finds its way on her face and my mouth drops open as she purrs in my ear.

"Tell her your mine."

Her voice comes out a husky whisper and my knees buckle when she tugs at my earlobe with her teeth. I don't mean to whimper or clutch desperately at her hips but she's doing all these strange things to me.

Spencer's lips land on mine and are gone too soon as she struts out of the room leaving me frozen against the wall with trembling legs. What just happened? Did Spencer Carlin just use her sexiness against me?

The bell rings and a mass of pimple faced freshmen start to walk into the room. They all stare at me as if I'm some sort of circus freak. I push myself off the wall and compose myself to saunter away.

I can feel the eyes of boy, and girls alike, following me as I go. That's right I'm fucking fabulous. With a grin I slip my sunglasses back on and maneuver my way to my next class.

X X X X X X X X X X

She's grinding harder into me and we're both breathing so hard that the windows of the car are starting to fog up. When I bite her bottom lip she makes the cutest sound that drives me crazy. My hands are trailing down her back and hers are halfway up my shirt. Suddenly I become aware of something stabbing me in the back.

"Ow shit, what is that? Hold up Spencer, seriously Spencer gimme a second."

It takes everything in me to push her away. Spencer's breathing is uneven and her eyes are hazy with desire. But I have to move whatever is poking me. I grab behind my shoulder blades and pull a pom pom out from underneath me.

The idea of her cheerleading crap in my car makes me smile and I rustle the offending item in her face. She gives a sexy giggle and climbs off me.

"I should really go. I'm late for the game as it is."

I do my best to pout and steal a kiss from her. Well, what was going to just be a quick kiss has resulted with her beneath me. A sharp rap on the window makes us both jump out of our skin.

There stands the fairy herself with a condescending look on her face. Kyla's hands are fixed on her hips and she pops her gum so loud I can hear it even in the car.

"Oh God she ruins everything."

Spencer laughs and straightens her top before opening the door and greeting my sister. They chat candidly while I light a cigarette and take a deep drag, the evening sun sinking on the horizon.

"Ew now I'm not kissing you again until you brush your teeth."

Spencer curls her lip in disgust and kisses my cheek before jogging into the gym.

"God you two are like horny kids groping each other like that in the back of your car."

I shrug and blow smoke into Kyla's face because I know how much it bothers her. She punches me in the shoulder right as the guys' team walks by and I immediately spot Glen near the back.

He gives me a giant grin and gives my sister a once over making me gag. Kyla just gives him a flirtatious smile and then continues buzzing in my ear.

"So is she breaking up with Aiden?"

My attention snaps back to my sister and away from the daydreams of Spencer. I cringe guiltily at the question and light up again. Kyla gives me a disbelieving look and nods quickly in the direction of Jillian walking towards us.

"Hey Jill, guys I'm going to go get us seats."

My wonderful sister practically storms off leaving me alone with a girl that I'm kind of sort of dating who doesn't know I'm kind of sort of dating someone else. Whew it's confusing and icky even in my own head.

"Uh Ash, is that a hickey on your neck?"

She's giving me an accusatory stare and I know my eyes are as big as saucers. The blood is rushing through my ears and I'm desperately searching for words. Why can't I talk?

"Ok fine. Listen whatever we aren't dating."

For the first time since I've known her there are unshed tears shining in Jill's eyes as she brushes past me into the gym. The last thing I wanted was to hurt Jillian and here I am, the asshole that did just that. Now I feel like shit.

I can hear yells from inside and the squeaking of shoes on the hardwood gym floor. After a few moments of contemplating running away I enter the gym with a deep sigh. Right away I spot a screaming Kyla and an expressionless Jill.

When I sit down I lay a hand on Jill's thigh and squeeze lightly, she just gives me a small smile. My eyes drift to the cheerleaders and focus on the gorgeous blonde on the end.

All I can do is smile at the sight of her. Everything she does is perfect. The poms poms that were crushed beneath me earlier are in her hands and I wonder if they make her think of me?

"I want you to know, I just want you to be happy."

Jill's voice is low and even but I can hear the sadness in her voice. She knows, she has to by the way her gaze lands on Spencer.

The buzzer sounds, the game ends. Time flies when you're staring at a gorgeous blonde. The three of us stay seated while everyone else shuffles out, Jill holding my hand in a friendly way while she laughs with Kyla.

My muscles tense when I see Aiden approach Spencer. I watch her give him a smile but push him away at his advances. Good girl.

"Ash don't be home too late."

Kyla and Jill each give me a quick kiss on the forehead as I recline in the bleachers watching her. She's smiling with Madison but its not the smile she gives me, it doesn't reach her eyes.

Finally everyone else is gone but me, Spencer, and the old man who waxes the gym floor. She beams at me and waves for me to join her making me grin. I practically throw myself down the bleachers and into her arms.

"Hey I missed you."

Her words make me smile even wider as her fingers trace aimlessly over my face, her eyes following her fingers.

"Come with me."

She gives me a confused head tilt that makes me swoon before grabbing my hand. We walk in silence for quite some time. The moon glows brightly above us but the stars are hidden beneath the smog. We keep walking, her following without question, to a old playground.

"Ash, what are we doing here?"

Screw talking to her. It's been hard enough to resist her all the way here with her twinkling eyes and bright smile. She smiles a slight smirk right before I kiss her. This kiss is different then any we've shared. It's slow and deep and making my head all sorts of foggy. Our tongues touch tentatively and one or maybe both of us moan at the contact. Spencer tastes like mint and smells like vanilla. The combination is lethal and I figure this is an ok way to go.

Her mouth moves to my neck and she backs us up to the swings. We situate ourselves in that spider position, remember when it used to be innocent? Well, not anymore. Her cold hands are under my shirt against my back drawing small circles.

We've stopped kissing and now we're just staring at each other. Spencer's eyes seems to glow in the dark and she's looking at me like I'm the best thing she's ever seen.

"How long?"

What the hell is she talking about? She may be all kinds of beautiful but she, apparently, might be crazy.

"What are you talking about?"

Her hands rest lightly on my hips while my fingers play in her hair getting her to release a deep sigh.

"How long have you wanted this?"

Her question takes me off guard, my hands now resting on her slender shoulders. I rack my brain for an answer. I try to find a date when it all changed but then I realized it never changed.

"Since Mike ruined your sandcastle."

Surprise runs across her face and she makes the most adorable shocked noise. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing.

"You are crazy we were five."

I don't stop myself from laughing now and I watch an elderly couple walk by holding hands.

"And even then I knew. I knew I wanted you but I thought it was just friendship. I've always wanted you Spence."

There are tears in her eyes and she rests her forehead against mine.

"I wish you had never left me Ashley. God I needed you."

I don't get the chance to say anything back but I wanted to. I wanted to say I've needed her too. I think I almost told her I love her.

**Thank you to everyone. You guys are amazing and wonderful and all sorts of other things. **


	14. Like a Knife

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

She's amazing. Just a smile from her can make my knees weak and my heart flutter. Don't even get me started on the way her eyes sparkle in the sun or the sound she makes when we are kissing and I nibble on her bottom lip.

Now as I sit in third period she's all that I can think about. This can't be healthy, the way she's invading my thoughts. Almost as if on cue my phone gives a tiny buzz from inside my jacket pocket.

_Hey sexy. _

I can almost hear her raspy voice through her text.

**Hey Ash. **

"Ms. Carlin, no phones during class. That'll be a detention."

My mouth drops open as my ancient math teacher drops a detention slip on my desk and ambles back to the front of the classroom. What an asshole!

As I walk to lunch I try to figure out how he saw me texting. Maybe the giant smile on my face gave me away.

"I never got a text back."

Ashley is giving me an amused smirk and I just narrow my eyes at her. I'm guessing word of the popular new girl getting a detention spread like wildfire.

"Well there were some complications during class that intervened with my ability to get back to you."

The look on her face tells me she's not really listening. Her eyes are kind of glazed over and distant as they stay fixed on my chest. Ashley has the sexiest eyes ever and thanks to my strategic v-neck top those sexy eyes are trained on me.

I give her about ten seconds of uninterrupted staring time before I punch her in the shoulder and gesture to the people around waiting for lunch.

"Right sorry, but really my staring isn't my fault. You're teasing me."

She frowns as if she just realized something and as we file through the lunch line I whisper gently near her ear.

"Ash, what's wrong?"

"It's not just me you're teasing."

Right as the words leave her mouth Aiden slips between us and kisses my cheek effectively knocking Ashley out of the picture. I see her roll her eyes then walk casually back to her sister.

"Aiden, that was rude. I was talking to her."

His gaze follows her and turns to one of disgust when she throws him the finger with a sarcastic smirk.

"Why? Do you hear what they've been saying about her?"

Now here is where a smart girl would say "who cares?" or "why should I care what 'they' always seem to think?" But I've never been one of those smart girls.

With a trembling voice I ask him.

"What, uh what exactly have they been saying?"

My gaze stays on Ashley where she throws her head back and laughs freely, her curls blowing slightly in the breeze.

"Apparently she's got a crush on you. Ha, it's not like you're a dyke like her."

His words freeze me and make my stomach turns on itself. I feel like I'm going to puke or pass out or maybe both. A violent chill runs through my blood and my mouth goes dry.

Without so much as a goodbye to Aiden I take off running for Glen's car. I have to go home. I need to be away from school.

When I reach his car there are tears streaming down my face and I can't seem to breathe, my breaths coming in short spurts coupled with heaving.

I claw at the door and almost scream when I remember Glen always locks his car. Before I can register what is happening there are two arms around me and her comforting smell is everywhere.

"Shh, its ok I've got you."

She's holding me so tight I can almost pretend nothing can get to me.

"What the hell happened?"

Glen sounds so worried and it only makes me sob harder. The reality of me wanting to be with Ashley meaning I'd have to lose everything, except him.

"Glen, give me your keys I'll take her to your house. Here are the keys to my Mustang just take Kyla home for me."

They must come to some agreement because when I focus again I'm on my couch at my house and Ashley's kneeling in front of me. Her eyes are searching my face and I reach out with tentative fingers to trace her jawline.

She doesn't say anything, like she knows I need the silence. Her hands rest on my thighs as my fingers drag over her face. Why is it so wrong for me to want this? To touch her instead of him?

My fingers linger over a small scar above her left eye and I wonder what it's from. The beautiful girl in front of me covers my hand with her own and kisses my palm before crawling onto the couch next to me.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

She's wonderful not pushing me and just holding me so close I can feel her heart beating. One of my hands rests against her stomach and the other is tucked under my head.

"No."

She pulls me closer until my face is buried in her neck and her skin there smells so sweet.

"When you're ready I'm here baby."

Ashley starts to hum some song as my eyes droop and her warmth lulls me into a comfortable slumber.

X X X X X X X X X X

My aching back pulls me out of sleep. My stomach clenches, its that feeling like when you've been puking all day, the empty clench. The television is on and at a very low volume, the people on screen practically whispering.

There's an indentation on the couch from where Ashley was and I can still smell her on the cushions. A quick glance outside reveals her Mustang which means Ashley and Glen are both here somewhere.

The entire house is dark with soft creaks giving it a haunted feeling. My bare feet hit the floor and the soft carpet tickles my feet as I pad into the kitchen.

Looking outside in my backyard makes my heart swell. Glen stands at the grill cooking and laughing, his blue eyes twinkling while Ashley, Kyla, and my mother are sprawled across the lawn furniture.

She seems to be able to sense me because her dark eyes meet mine and she's by my side in a flash.

"Hey Spence."

I can't stop staring at my mother and I can't stop noticing that I haven't seen her smile like that since before my father died.

"Ashley…"

I wrap her in a tight hug and nuzzle her neck slightly. She doesn't have to be doing all this for me, but she is. She doesn't have to be amazing, but she is.

"Come on. We've all been waiting for you to get up."

She grabs my hand and the idea of spending the night with my mother makes me forget Aiden's words, my detention, and how terrified I am to go back to school.

My mother stands wordlessly and pulls me into a warm hug. She's skinnier then I remember but she still smells the same.

"I love you Spencer."  
Tears must be the theme of today because at her words more roll down my face and then I starting sobbing when I feel two very manly arms hug us both.

It's an awkward hug with all three of us involved but it's the best one of my life.

The three of us breakup and Glen goes with my mom back to the grill as I stand with Ashley. She keeps wiping at her eyes and I can hear her sniffling slightly.

"Ash, are you crying?"

When she scoffs and tries to act tough it gets me to grin.

"What, um no I have allergies."

I laugh and kiss her cheek which gets her to give a surprising blush. We spend the evening talking and laughing, just enjoying each others company. I notice several things throughout the night. Glen and Kyla can't stop staring at each other and my mother has light back in her eyes.

Now her lips move gently against mine as we say goodnight by the front door. She breaks away to kiss my forehead and steps back, just a little, from me.

"Spence, I could kiss you all day so I gotta stop myself now."

Of course I don't listen to her just kiss her again smiling into the kiss when I hear her whimper into my mouth.

Her hands are warm on my face as she cups my face and her thumbs stroke my cheeks. After about ten more minutes of light kisses and Kyla's insistent honks of the horn we say our final goodnights.

I stand in our doorway and watch the taillights of her car disappear into the darkness.

"She's pretty awesome Spence."

Glen is leaning against the wall behind me and he has a lopsided smile on his face. I don't think he realizes how much he looks like Dad.

"I know she is, I'm still scared."

He nods and his eyes get that faraway look to them.

"Whatever you do I'll be right there to take care of you. You know that right?"

I give him a hug and a smile as my thanks. Now I really need to talk about something else.

"So what's with you and Kyla?"

His deep laugh echoes throughout the house as he grins at me.

"For now we're just friends."

The spark in his eye and the quirk of his eyebrow doesn't go unnoticed by me. He's been my best friend since we were born, I can tell when he's up to something.

"Yeah ok, keep telling yourself that."

His scowl is a friendly one as he ruffles my hair before jogging up the stair humming softly to himself.

Today was horrible and sickening but tonight was incredible. Seeing my mother really smile again made up for the crappy day and I think I have Ashley to thank for that.

My body is still humming from her touch but the undercurrents of different feelings scare me.

When it comes down to it can I pick her over everyone else? The real question is can I pick the life that will make me happy and stop lying to myself?

**Thank you to everyone. You guys are amazing. **


	15. Setting Me On Fire

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

Family dinner is always awkward. Tonight is no different. Kyla is fuming and stabbing viciously at her potatoes while my parents pretend not to notice her ugly mood. I seriously have no idea what has pissed her off and my parents aren't acknowledging either one of us.

Really all I want is to be done with this dinner and with Spencer. She's been withdrawn and cautious ever since the other day. She won't even tell me what set her off. So, I've been really worried about her.

"Ashley dear how is school?"

My mother's voice is even and she doesn't glance up at me when she speaks. I really feel like this is a trick question.

"Fine."

The food on my plate is practically untouched, pot roast is nasty. I try to meet my father's eyes but he's sitting back in his chair with closed eyes and puffing lazily at a cigar.

"Really? I got a call from your guidance counselor today. Nice young woman."

Kyla's watching me cautiously from across the table and I wonder why my mother is deciding to parent today.

When I don't answer my mother finally looks at me and calmly sets her fork down. This woman is never out of control.

"She informed me you are rarely in class. You seem to be going to school but your teachers are all saying you do not attend class. Where do you spend all your time?"

Do I tell her the truth? Do I tell her that I spend every free minute sneaking kisses with Spencer in the girls' bathroom or the storage closets?

"I dunno just wandering around I guess."

I kick Kyla in the shins when I see her roll her eyes and when she cringes her knee hits he table. Ha, suck it Ky.

"Well sweetie do try and go to class because I will be very disappointed if you don't graduate."

I roll my eyes and stab at the cold food on my plate, the clinking of silverware the only sound in our vast dining room.

"I'm going out."

My mother waves dismissively at me. The feelings I have for my mother are weird. She's always been there and provided for me but there was never any affection, never anything that feels like love.

My room is on the north corner of the house and it takes me about five minutes to get there from the dining room. I almost trip over all the clothes I've left on the floor and my guitar has fallen from its stand by the window.

I send her a quick text and it only takes her a minute to reply. My leather jacket fits snuggly and I ditch the pack of cigarettes before leaving, knowing that she hates them.

"Hey wait, where are you going?"

Kyla chases after me and her heels click against the linoleum floor. She keeps following me all the way to my car door and jumps back when I slam it shut.

"Spencer's, now leave me alone."

My car roars to life and my sister watches me leave with a pained expression. Sometimes we treat each other like crap and I know I'll apologize later tonight.

She's waiting for me on the concrete steps in front of her house. She looks so distant. Her eyes don't seem to focus until I clear my throat from right in front of her. Spencer gives a little jump at the sound and then smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes.

Her house is empty and dark, the loving feeling of family and friends from the other night long gone.

"Spencer what is wrong?"

Now we are right outside her bedroom and as much as I'd love to continue the journey there I have to stop her.

"Nothing is wrong."

"Can you please, for once, be honest with me? What happened the other day?"

She drops my hand and a crease forms between her eyes.

"Just drop it Ashley. I'm fine now."

I throw my hands up in defeat at the stubborn girl in front of me.

"Fucking fine. You know I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong!"

Her eyes go wide and I realize I'm yelling at her. I didn't mean to yell at her.

"Screw you."

"Fine!"

She turns on her heel and slams her bedroom door. Since I don't have a bedroom here I slam the bathroom door shut behind me. Awesome, now I've barricaded myself in the bathroom.

This is stupid and the worst part is she's so friggin' sexy when she's angry. Her eyes burn and make me just wanna…

I throw the door open at the exact same time she jerks open the bedroom door and she jumps on me, her legs wrapping around my waist. Her mouth instantly finds mine and her kiss is a needy one. The force of her body slamming into mine has knocked me back against the hallway wall.

Her hands tug at my hair and when I cup her ass she moans into my mouth. I have to taste her so I move from her mouth to her neck and start working there. I can feel her nimble fingers brush my stomach as they undo my belt. I can't believe this is happening.

Her legs are wrapped so tightly around me I let go and tear her shirt over her head.

The front door slams open and we both fall to the floor in a heap of disheveled clothes and panting breaths.

"Shit!"

She fumbles around for her shirt as I lay on the ground trying to catch my breath.

"Spence! Yo, where you…oh my. 'Sup Ashley?"

Spencer is still on top of me and pulling on her shirt when Glen appears in front of us with an amused smile on his face. Spencer's face is one of pure horror as she stares at her brother.

"Glen go away!"

He sniggers and jogs past us as Spencer throws a shoe at him. She shifts her body to look down the stairs and her knee bumps my center. Oh. Dear. God. Do not moan, do not moan, but more pressure is applied as she cranes even farther. The shock through my body is so intense that it takes me by surprise.

I can't stop from moaning into her bare shoulder and pulling her back down to me. She looks at me quizzically then realizes where her leg is and blushes furiously.

"Oh Ash. Oh God I am so sorry."

I nod wordlessly and try to steady my breathing. The weight of Spencer's body leaves mine as she jumps off and tries to hide her blush behind her hands.

"It's ok Spence. I'm good uh I need to just use the bathroom for a minute."

She nods and runs into her room as I shut myself back in the bathroom. The person looking back at me in the mirror looks the picture of post make out. My hair is everywhere and my face is flushed all the way down to my neck. A deep breath and some cold water on the face later I open the door to a sheepish looking Spencer.

"Are, are you ok?"

Her bottom lip is trapped between her white teeth and her eyes have returned to their normal shade of blue.

"I never wasn't ok. You had me all sorts of worked up baby."

A laugh escapes her and she walks into my arms, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry Ash. This isn't really fair to you."

Her arms circle around my waist as I bury my face in her golden hair. A thumping bass can be heard from down the hall and the last rays of sunlight stream through a window nearby. No, this isn't fair to me but this is what I want and now I don't think I could stop even if I wanted to.

"Spencer, I just want you. Whatever that takes."

She sighs into my neck and we stand there for what seems like hours later until the sun sets and the moon rises. When she finally breaks away from me she looks exhausted.

"You probably have to go home."

My heart sinks slightly at the idea of leaving her but she's right. After a brief kiss goodnight and a long hug I climb back into my car. I watch her bedroom light go out, effectively turning the whole house dark. The lone cigarette in my car is lit as I back out of the driveway and the nicotine is a welcome sensation in my body.

I can still taste her the entire drive home as my mind buzzes with activity. Jesus, I never think this much.

Kyla is sitting on my bed when I walk into my room and a pang of guilt washes through me.

"Hey Ky, look I'm sorry about earlier but Mom was pissing me off and I guess I just snapped on you."

She shrugs and I plop down on my bed next to her. I don't know what's bothering her and I don't ask.

We just sit there in silence using the other as support as we work through our issues. I know she'll end up staying in my room tonight and she's knows I need it just as much as she does.

**Ok real short one but I wanted to give you one before I leave for a few days! Thanks to everyone, you guys rock.**


	16. The Push and Pull

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

Tomorrow is homecoming. Yeah our school is kind of weird and we celebrate homecoming during basketball season. I'm going to the dance with Aiden and I know it's killing her. Every time it gets brought up she won't even look at me, let alone speak to me. She's going with Jill.

Like that's fun for me. I know they are just friends and everything but jealousy rears its ugly head whenever I see them together. Just like right now as Jillian hugs her and gives her a kiss on the cheek.

"What are you staring at?"

Madison cranes her head around and rolls her eyes at the sight of Ashley. For a moment the fantasy of walking over there and kissing Ashley flashes through my head but Madison's scoff of disgust crushes it.

"Why are you staring at _them_?"

I ignore my supposed friend and let myself get angry as Ashley laughs with Jill and wipes a piece of food off her face. I know this is how she feels when she sees me with Aiden but why can't I seem to control my temper when she's with a friend?

Kyla notices me staring so she smiles and waves but I only barely return the gesture. I see her starting talking softly to Ashley so I gather my stuff and go to walk away.

Before I can make it ten steps her hand grabs my wrist.

"Whoa whoa Spencer, hey you ok?"

Her dark eyes shine with concern and it makes me feel even more like crap. So I get angry, illogically and irrationally angry. I can feel myself getting ready to explode on her, my secret, our secret too much right now.

"No Ashley I'm not ok. Watching you with her is not ok."

She instantly starts frowning at me and removes all contact. Her voice is quiet and angry.

"That's not fair and you know it. I have to watch him touch you and you get mad because I stayed friends with Jill."

I know this is stupid and I'm going to regret it later but I can't stop.

"I can see the way she looks at you Ashley! She doesn't want to just be your friend."

Her eyes get sad and she looks at me like a mother would a child.

"I haven't asked you to give up anything, not even your _fucking_ boyfriend but you want me to give up my one real friend?"

Ashley shakes her head then just turns and leaves me standing there, alone. The bell rings and I continue to just stand there. I know people must be looking at me and wondering what is wrong with me.

I know what's wrong with me, I'm a terrible person.

X X X X X X X X X X

It's been an hour since the last bell rang and I've been waiting nervously by her car. I see her walk towards me and immediately perk up but her face falls slightly when she sees me. Her usually bright face is expressionless as she approaches me.

"Hi Ash."

A cool breeze blows through us and I catch the smell of her perfume. It makes my knees weak. I love the smell of her. A deep sigh escapes her as she lights a cigarette.

"What Spencer?"

She sounds exhausted and a little fed up. I don't blame her.

"I'm sorry; I was horrible to you earlier."

I try to reach out and grab her hand but she takes a step back. That small gesture is like a knife to the heart. She's never been so withdrawn from me.

"You seem to be saying that a lot these days."

"Ash, this is hard for me."

She lets out a deep breath before looking me square in the eyes.

"Well I can make this not so hard for you. Maybe we shouldn't-"

She can't mean this? This is just a bad dream.

"No, don't you even finish that thought. Ashley, I was just having a bad day and I took it out on you. What do you want me to do? You want me to break up with Aiden? I will, tell me what you want!"

I can see Ashley struggling to hold back tears as she stares at me.

"Please move so I can get in my car."

Just like a punch, those words take all the air right out of my lungs. Words seem to be on the tip of my tongue but I can't open my mouth. I'm frozen, she's frozen me. I hear her sob quietly as she slides in her car and slams the door shut.

As she drives away I can hear the excited yells of some underclassmen. The sun sidles behind a dark cloud and I hope I didn't ruin everything.

X X X X X X X X X X

My dress is gorgeous. I don't say that to be self-absorbed or conceited, I just mean it as the simple truth it is. The dress is blue; a simple halter cut, and rests just above my knees. Ashley would've loved it.

At 6:30pm the doorbell rings just like I knew it would and he stands in the doorway. He's very handsome with his blue shirt and black slacks. I should feel giddy, lucky but I only feel the horrible acid of guilt churning in my stomach.

He says all the right things and is a perfect gentleman for the whole night. He opens my doors, he pulls out my chair, and he buys everything. I have to work to give him a smile.

Our car pulls up to the school and its time for the part I've been dreading, the actual dance.

I spot Ashley's car right away and my stomach drops even further knowing she's already here. There isn't a time I can remember ever being this nervous. He gives me a warm smile as we walk arm in arm into the dimly lit gym.

Everyone seems to stop moving to look at us and I can tell Aiden's loving the attention. Her dark eyes meet mine through the crowd and it sends a jolt through my body. Her black dress is impossibly tight and hangs off one shoulder. The chocolate curls I love are pulled half back, exposing her one bare shoulder.

I see a flash of a sad smile before she disappears in a sea of people. Aiden barely seems to care when I take off after her. My heart is beating so fast as I push through sweaty bodies to try and find her.

By the time I reach Ashley she's by the drinking fountain in the deserted senior hall. The sound of her crying shatters something inside me.

My hand lands on her bare back and the skin there is incredibly soft. She turns and looks at me with all the sadness of the world in her eyes.

"Ashley, I'm so sorry. Please don't…"

Her hand is cold as she cups my face and the overwhelming bass seems to disappear as she steps close.

"Spencer, I-I lo-"

My kiss cuts her off because right now I can't hear those words. Right now I can't repeat them so I don't want to hear them come all the way out of her mouth. The taste of salty tears mingles with whatever she had for dinner.

Her hands grab at my dress desperately as she backs me against the lockers, our bodies hitting the wall with a loud bang. Ashley slows down the kiss and my mind seems to cloud over. Before she breaks away her teeth capture my bottom lip and even when her mouth is no longer on mine her body stays pressed against mine.

"We should go back."

Her husky voice fills my head and gets me to meet her gaze from resting my forehead against her shoulder. Once again we haven't even fixed anything but reality seems to have wedged between us again.

"Save me the last dance?"

My request seems to take her by surprise as her eyes light up and she nods enthusiastically. I'm sure she was expecting me to end the night with him but I have very different plans.

The night wears on and I'm surprised to actually be enjoying myself. Glen and Kyla stay pretty near me while Ashley stays in my line of sight. At one point there was the typical coronation ceremony where Aiden and I were crowned king and queen. Through our whole "royal" dance I kept my eyes locked with Ashley's.

Now the last slow song is starting to play and Aiden goes to wrap his arms around me. His face contorts into a scowl when I put my hands against his chest to push him away.

"What the hell Spence?"

His voice is gruff and I can smell alcohol on his breath. So that's what he was doing when he disappeared for the last twenty minutes.

"Aid sorry but I promised someone else."

He gives me a drunken smile and I see his eyes dart to Sherry before back to me.

"Alright whatever I'll go over there."

His bulky frame disappears and as soon as he's gone I feel fingers lightly graze my lower back.

"May I have this dance?"

Her breath tickles my ear as she whispers and it makes me smile in the darkness. My arms wrap around her neck as hers slide around my waist. We sway to the music and as we dance it feels like all the other people just fade away. The silence is comfortable as we move and in a bold move I press a gentle kiss to her neck.

"Spencer, will you do something for me?"

She breaks the silence, her voice is low and rough. When I look into her eyes they are shining with unshed tears.

"Anything Ashley. I'll do anything for you."

Her arms pull me slightly closer and she looks so insecure, so lost. It's the same way she looked the night she told me about her baby.

"I know I've told you through this whole thing that it doesn't bother me that you're dating Aiden but I can't pretend anymore. Please break up with him. Be with just me, please Spencer, please."

Now the tears are falling freely down her face and it kills me. I know how hard it must be for her to ask something from me. Little does she know this is exactly what I wanted to hear.

"Ok, I will."

"Wait, just like that you'll break up with him?"

I give a small laugh and lightly trace my fingers along her neck.

"Yes, just like that. Let me go tell him that I'm going home with a friend. Excuse me."

Her smile is bright enough to light up the darkest room as I walk away and the idea of spending an uninterrupted night with her feels like Christmas come early.

I find my oh so classy boyfriend propped against the back wall with Sherry hanging all over him.

"Aiden pay attention."

Even when my fingers snap right in front of his face he barely blinks.

"Ssssspenccsher."

Ew he reeks.

"I'm going home with a friend and we need to talk so I'm calling you tomorrow at some point."

Ashley is waiting for me by the front doors with an excited air about her and its completely contagious. She helps me shrug into my coat and her hand grasps mine as we walk to her car.

The night is cool and a full moon glows above us as we kiss in front of her car. She opens my door for me and when she gets in she gives me another quick kiss.

"Beach?"

I don't have to answer because she already knows I'll say yes. She knows I'll follow her anywhere because that's how it's always been and always will be.

***Bows* Thank you everyone. I've had a terrible week or so and the only thing that's been remotely ok is all of you and this story, so thank you. **


	17. The Way You Make Me Feel

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all!**

Her eyes twinkle in the moon light as she dances near the water's edge. The sound of the waves gently rolling onto the beach drowns out the busy noise of the city behind us. She's giggling to herself and splashing in the water like a child and it makes me smile.

Her innocence in this moment makes me want her more and I wish my life allowed for that kind of naivety. Life's beaten me down too many times to see things like her. Maybe that's why I feel such a strong pull to her.

"Ashley! Come on, why are you just sitting there?"

Her dress billows out behind her as she races to me and hauls me to my feet. The rosy tint on her cheeks and her messy hair makes her even more beautiful. When I go to kiss her she laughs and runs away, leaving me stunned.

This side of her, the playful and carefree side, is a new and welcome one. So I take off after her, practically tackling her into the soft sand. I land with a soft 'umph' on top of her.

"Gotcha Spence."

She only hums in response and bumps her nose against mine before giving me what I wanted in the first place. Her lips are cool against mine as she kisses me. Her hands reach up and tangle in my hair but our kiss stays light.

She smiles as my fingers trace her face and Spencer leans into my hand when I cup her face. Again right as I go to kiss her she pushes me off and laughs as she prances away. What is with her tonight? Her overly good mood is too contagious as I lay in the sand grinning.

"Ashley, come for a swim!"

I am not getting in that water but when I see her starting to unzip her dress I quickly change my mind. I watch with concentration as she slides her dress down and it pools around her feet.

A coy smile is thrown my way before she dashes into the water clad only in her bra and underwear. Her shriek as the cold water hits her echoes across the beach and it only takes me seconds to rid myself of my dress and join her.

I almost throw up when the cold water hits my stomach.

"J-Jesus Spencer, now w-what is worth this?"

With a quirked eyebrow she wades towards me and her arms circle around my waist. I can't help but gasp when our nearly naked bodies press against each other. The warmth from her body is incredible and even reaches my toes.

We stand there pressed together whispering secrets until my lips turn blue and she's shaking.

"Shore now."

I nod in agreement and we run to the dry land, collapsing next to each other on the warm sand. Spencer scoots so her body is tangled with mine and her hand rests on my stomach. In this moment I am completely content.

"Spencer?"

"Hmm."

She props herself up on her elbow and smiles down at me. The simple act of her smiling makes my stomach do a flip flop and gets me to grin in response.

"Thank you."

The most adorable look of surprise runs across her face as her forehead wrinkles in confusion.

"Ash why are you thanking me? I've caused more damage then good."

Her face gets sad and if that's how she's thinking she's insane because I can't remember being this happy. I can't remember ever feeling this alive.

"Maybe that's true but the happiness you have given me outweighs any of the bad. I have never felt so…"

I struggle for the right word. How do I tell her she's everything? How do I tell her that in such a short time she's become the best part of me? Her eyes shine and she pulls me to my feet.

"Come on. Let's go to your place."

Now I'm no idiot. I know what that look in her eyes mean.

Once we reach my front door there is no hesitation, no signs of fear. Our clothes are thrown throughout the house as we stumble to my room. She's breathing heavily as my fingers trail down her smooth stomach.

Her heart races against my chest as the night wears on and I almost think I hear her tell me she loves me. I think I tell her I love her but my mind is jumbled and her eyes are partly glazed over.

This has to be a dream.

X X X X X X X X X X

Have you ever been deliciously, wonderfully sore? You wake up wondering why you hurt but when you remember that hurt you feel turns to a delightful burn. That's how I'm waking up and what makes it better is the blonde curled into me.

The harsh Sunday sun is shining brightly through my windows and a glance at my clock tells me it's almost noon. When I reach for my glasses on the bed side table Spencer mumbles and tries to pull me closer.

"Spencer, wake up."

My teeth take her earlobe in my mouth and the sight of a painful looking bruise on her neck makes me frown. I hurt her, I hurt my beautiful girl.

She looks at me with hazy eyes and a lopsided smile. Her eyes search mine but I can't stop staring at the mark I've left on her perfect neck. How could I be so careless, so vicious?

"Ashley what are you staring at? Ash, you're scaring me, stop it."

The increasing volume of her voice brings my attention to her anxious eyes. My fingers lightly touch the ugly bruise and when she winces so do I.

"Spencer, I'm sorry."

She shakes her head and grabs my hand.

"It's ok, sometimes getting a hicky happens."

"I hurt you."

I feel like such an ass right now and I can't even stand to look at her, let alone touch her. As I start to climb out of the bed I feel two arms pull me back down.

"Hey, where are you going?"

I struggle against her grasp but damnit she's stronger than she looks.

"Ashley, look at me."

My eyes meet her deep blue ones and there's nothing but adoration reflecting at me.

"Yeah Spence?"

"I'm fine but if you really feel that bad a whole day of cuddling might make me feel better."

Now she's smiling wide and has a very pleased look about her. I collapse down next to her and wrap her in my arms, a lazy smile playing across her face. The thing is I doubt the girl in my arms realizes how much she even really means to me.

I think it's safe to say I'm falling in love with her.

X X X X X X X X X X

Monday mornings suck. Everything about them sucks and today is no different. First I can't find my cigarettes then Kyla forgot her bag at home so we had to turn around and finally I don't see Spencer anywhere on the quad before school starts.

"So Ash, how did your homecoming end up?"

Even though Kyla and I live in the same house we are rarely alone together there. Her mood swings seem to have disappeared and a bright smile now occupies her face.

The mention of homecoming night makes me smile and I can't stop. Damn you facial muscles for betraying me. I'm totally losing cool points.

"It was good."

The pixie snorts and tosses her hair over her shoulder.

"Right, judging by the big ass smile on your face I'd say it was better than good."

Kyla doesn't continue when we both see Spencer walking through the quad with Aiden hot on her heels. He seems to be pleading with her as she walks and when she turns around she talks so loud everyone hears her.

"I said it's over Aiden."

Then they are back to softer arguing and she's motioning with her hands. The whole thing is making me so nervous I'm chain smoking.

"There's someone else isn't there? Who is he? Is it Derek?"

Aiden's voice has a dangerous edge to it as he grows quiet again. By now the entire student body is gathered on the quad to watch the golden couple's break up. Kyla's hand finds mine under the table and I feel her give it a reassuring squeeze.

Just as Aiden really gets in Spencer's face I see Glen push his way between them. Thank God.

"Come on Ash, the bell just rang."

Everyone on the quad starts going their separate ways but I tell Kyla to go on without me. Spencer might need me. I watch as Aiden stalks away and Spencer speaks slowly with Glen. I see them exchange knowing looks and hugs before he trots off for class.

Her eyes are closed and she's taking a deep breath when I approach her.

"Hey, you ok?"

She jumps slightly at my voice but smiles when she opens her eyes. I can see the edges of the bruise on her neck and I wonder if that's why he thinks there is someone else.

"Yeah Ash, I'm fine."

Her hand squeezes my arm gently before she walks away.

That was the most unconvincing 'fine' I've ever heard.

**Ok it's a little short but it needs to stop there for the sake of the story. Thanks to everyone.**

**xoxo**


	18. Perfection

**I own no part of SON**

I'm not proud of how I've handled everything. I should never have cheated on Aiden. I should have been honest with Ashley since the beginning. But how can I regret everything when she makes me really feel? How, when she's so sweet and caring about the simplest things?

He saw my neck this morning which lead to a fight then a break up and then him hounding me on the quad. She's struggling with what to do about him, I can tell.

She's asked over a dozen times if I'm ok and every time I answer the same.

"Ok, good practice ladies. We are so ready for the Classic this weekend."  
Madison has a devilish look in her eyes and it makes me shudder with fear. This weekend is going to be hell. I have to spend two and a half days with cheerleaders and basketball players, awesome.

Madison barks some orders about when we are leaving tomorrow and she prances into the locker room with her herd following loyally behind her. I stretch my back and then pull off my t-shirt as I head towards the locker room.

"Mmm you are so sexy."

Her voice surprises me; I didn't expect to find her in this overly bright gym that smells like stale sweat. I guess she just seems out of place with her perfect smile and mouth watering perfume. The usual death stick that tangles from her lips is nowhere to be found.

"Ash, you scared the hell outta me."

She's not listening to me as her eyes roam over my body and images from homecoming night are flashing through my head. I tuck my head and blush. Ashley swallows thickly and bites her bottom lip. Oh dear God she is so sexy.

"Come to my place tonight?"

How can I deny her? Oh yeah I have to pack and finish homework and see my mother before I leave for the Classic. I know I'll accomplish nothing if I go to her house.

"I can't I have too much to do before I leave."

Why is she smirking like that and making me weak at the knees? Stop it, stop tempting me.

"I'll come over then, late. Please Spence, I need you."

She's not even touching me and my body is on fire. Her words, her voice have set my whole body on fire. It sounds like a good idea no, a great idea but there's a very small part of me that is telling me no.

"Sure, I'd love for you to come over. Be at my window at like 11."

She gives me a nose crinkling smile and it makes me swoon but her face drops at whatever is behind me.

"Ok I'd kiss you but Satan is coming towards us. I'll see you later."

Ashley winks at me before turning and leaving me with a newly primped Madison. I watch her walk away and smile to myself. I get to make out with her later.

"Spencer we need to talk."

Great, the devil incarnate wants to speak with me, a little ole' mortal. God sometimes I crack myself up.

I do my best to hide my eye roll as I face Madison.

"What's up Madison?"  
A look of concern is etched on her face as we walk to the locker room and she stops me before I can go all the way in.

"You have to stop talking to Ashley."

Jesus, I thought we were over this. After I had reamed Madison out I thought she would let me talk to who I wanted to talk to. This is just pissing me off.

"Look Madison she's my friend and I'm not doing this."

Right as I go to storm into the locker room she says the only thing that could probably stop me in my tracks.

"Isn't she more than a friend?"

A cold sweat instantly drenches my body and my heart rate seems out of control. I can't breathe; oh my God this is what a panic attack feels like. I turn slowly and face my accuser.

"What?"

Her face is sad as she hand me my phone, the picture of Ashley and I kissing on display.

"Spencer I went to use your phone to call my house and she texted you, this came up."

This cannot be happening, I have to be dreaming. I never thought this was how it would be exposed.

"Look Madison…"

"Stay away from her, please. I don't know what she told you but I don't want to see you ruined by her. I'll keep this quiet but I'm begging you to drop her."

Madison gives me another sad smile then walks away leaving me speechless. Wait what just happened? The other girls file out of the locker room and I do the only thing I can think of right now.

One quick text and a fast rinse under hot water later I'm leaning against her car waiting for her. The sight of her makes me start to cry and she runs to me, pulling me into her warm embrace.

"Spencer what is wrong?"

She's worried and her tone is slightly panicked. Her smell surrounds me and I know I've already made my decision. If I have to choose between the life I pretend to live and the one I want to live, I simply choose her. It's always been her.

I bring my face out of her shoulder and gaze at her with watery eyes. She's looking expectantly at me and her fingers lightly brush the tears away.

"Ash, come to the Classic with me?"

I see confusion in her gorgeous eyes but when my lips lightly brush hers I feel her crumble in my hands. Ashley nods and leads me to the passenger side of the car, opening my door for me. She slides in and the car rumbles to life before we speed off for my house.

At my house I'm trying to keep myself busy so I don't have to answer her pleading stare. I can feel her eyes following me as I dart around my room throwing random items in my suitcase. Every few seconds I hear her sigh but she isn't pushing me.

"Spencer…"

My name leaves her mouth in a sigh and it stops me in my tracks. What do I tell her? That I was given an ultimatum and what I choose will have huge consequences?

Ashley's still sitting on my bed and when I look at her she's giving me this look like she _has_ to know what I'm thinking.

She looks so desperate, so caring. All the fight leaves my body and I sit next to her, my head finding its resting spot on her shoulder. She feels so safe and I can feel my body relax.

"Ash, something happened today."

As if someone hit a button she stiffens and there's this weird ringing in my ears. Her curls bounce when she nods and hand seems to clutch mine a little tighter.

"What is it Spence?"

Her voice is calm but her body is so tense it feels like she's going to explode. That's when it hits me; she's waiting for the other shoe to drop. She's waiting for me to leave her like a hit and run.

"Ashley do you think I'm going to break up with you?"

Her brown eyes are looking anywhere that isn't me and grab either side of her neck with my hands. The electricity that crackles between us is mind blowing as we stare at each other.

"Yes Spencer, God I'm scared to death."

The sincerity is right there for me to see in her eyes. I give her a reassuring smile and press a lingering kiss to her forehead.

"Madison knows. And I can't tell if she's blackmailing me or protecting me."

She tilts her head in confusion but a shy smile breaks across her face. Wait, why is she smiling? As if she can read my thoughts she speaks softly.

"You said 'break up', like relationship."

"Uh Ash, yeah so what?"

She bites her lip and this time her smile is of epic proportions, all nose crinkling and bright eyes.

"So, I'm your girlfriend?"

Picture a kid getting told they are getting a puppy or a kitten, that's what Ashley's face reminds me of right now.

"God I hope so or I gotta think of a new title for you."

A bubbly laugh and then her lips are on mine. She's kissing me but she's grinning against my mouth and soon we're both grinning into each other's faces. Our laughter echoes around my room and then a voice I didn't expect carries up the stairs.

"Spence, is Ashley up there with you? Come down and help with dinner!"

The sound of my mother's voice gets me to jump with excitement but Ashley pulls me back down to a sitting position.

"Ok back to the bad for a minute Spence, what are you going to do about Madison?"

For the first time there's no panic, no fear and I can breathe easy.

"Who cares? You're coming with me to the Classic and right now we're going to go hang out with my mother."

I watch with delight as my words sink in and her face lights up again. I love being the reason she looks like that. I love knowing that the smile she is giving me right now is reserved for only me.

Her hand is warm in mine as I tug her down the stairs and she's still grinning like an idiot as we greet my mom to help with dinner.

Ashley stays of course and again my mom is more alive then I've seen her since dad died.

My mom discreetly goes to the kitchen to do dishes, she has to know by the way she's acting, and I walk Ashley to her car.

"So we leave tomorrow morning, will you pick me up?"

Her eyes still shine with happiness and she's giving me this tender look that's making my heart melt.

"Of course."

She grins before our lips meet again and she tastes like mints. When I pull back quickly she frowns and wrinkles her nose in her disapproval.

"When was the last time you smoked?"

The question takes her by complete surprise but I watch as she racks her brain for an answer.

"Like, three no four days ago."

I see her questioning her own answer and then she shakes her head with finality. She hasn't smoked in days!

"Ash, how, why?"

A very pleased look makes its way on her face and I feel like I might cry. Her hand snakes down and pushes down her pants slightly and there is a small patch resting against her hipbone. My fingers trace the tan patch gently.

"You don't need another person disappearing from your life."

Her answer is perfect.

She's perfect.

**I like how this turned out, I hope you do as well.**

**xoxo**


	19. Balancing Act

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

The sun isn't even up yet. Dear God, I'm awake before sunrise, shoot me please. The coffee in my hands is steaming as I lean against my car waiting for Spencer. My black hood is pulled over my head and the sun glasses on my face are hiding my drooping eyes.

Wait, did I just hear a rooster crow? Aren't we in California? Why are there chickens? I have to be imagining things.

Right as I'm about to really freak out Spencer floats down the driveway towards me, her hair still wet and her skin still rosy from her shower. The stupid grin that I only make when she's around finds its way on my face as she gets closer.

"Morning."

I'm greeted with a kiss and nuzzle before she hops into my car. The drive is over three hours and she's already way too perky for my liking but how can I be frustrated with her? I mean come on, just look at her with her bright smile and shining eyes.

She's so excited for this trip and this weekend. I see her mom waving from the window and Spencer absolutely beams back at her while we back out of the driveway.

"It's good to see your mom before we leave."

Good thing I have my sunglasses on because she gives me a 1000 watt smile.

"It's like living with a whole new person. She's coming around slowly, ya know cutting back at work and spending time with us."

Her blue eyes seem to sparkle as she talks and I have to make myself focus on the road. Crashing would be very bad.

The sun starts to peak over the horizon and right as the first rays of light appear in my rearview mirror Spencer's hand slides onto my thigh. The tingles that shoot through my body are familiar by now.

When she sees me shudder slightly a slow smile slides across her face. The first hour of the drive is quiet as she sings softly to the radio and I try my best to pay attention to driving.

"Damn Spence, I gotta pee."

When I glance at her, she rolls her eyes and folds her legs up under herself.

"Ashley, that's what you get for drinking all that coffee."

I scoff and take the next exit.

"Whatever."

Dust settles around the car as I roll to a stop at a near deserted gas station. She's staring out the window with a faraway look in her eye and I peck her cheek before rushing inside. Oh dear God, of course I have to walk by the cigarette selection before I hit the bathroom.

My mouth goes dry and my whole body shakes as a cold sweat breaks across my forehead. The craving is coursing through my entire body and the tiny patch on my hip isn't even close to enough.

Just walk away, just walk by…

"Ash, come on. Bathroom remember?"

Her hand is warm on my arm as she gives me a gentle push towards the bathroom. As soon as I'm in the bathroom I run to a stall and puke up the bile churning in my stomach.

My stomach clenches and unclenches a few times before I slump against the cool wall.

"Oh Ashley, you ok?"

Her knuckles rap on the door and I stand on shaky legs before wiping my mouth. When I open the door she's standing there with a slight frown and her arms reaching out to me in comfort.

"Its ok Spence. I'm ok."

A quick hug and a hand wash later, I'm back in my car waiting for Spencer. Ugh that whole cigarette thing was awful. Who knew trying to quit thing would be so hard.

"Are you sure you're ok to drive?"

I grab Spencer's hand and kiss the top as my silent answer. My car seems to jump to life as we start back up on our journey.

Finally, I can see the hotel sign. Spencer has been antsy and I've been irritable these last several miles so it's probably a good thing we are here.

Check-in and finding our room takes minutes and I throw myself onto one of the beds.

"Spence, whatcha wanna do for dinner?"

I feel her flop down on the bed next to me and then her body snuggles closely into mine. Her breath is warm on my neck as we lay there in the late afternoon, the cool of the hotel room a welcome reprieve from the regular California heat.

"Let's just order a pizza and stay in. I just wanna be with you and besides I have to get up early for cheerleading in the morning."

Her fingers start running up and down my arm, so naturally it's not long before I doze off. When I wake with a jolt my brain registers two things: one, it's a lot darker outside and two, Spencer is no longer beside me.

Hushed voices are coming from by the doorway and I realize one is Spencer, the other is Madison.

"I cannot believe you brought her here."

"Madison, I really care about her and I need her here."

Hearing Spencer confess her feelings for me makes me smile.

"Spence, you do realize what this will do for your reputation if anyone finds out? What about if or when Aiden finds out? He's still workin on ways to get you back."

The mention of that tool makes my blood boil and I hear Spencer let out an exasperated sigh.

"I don't know Madison, I just don't know ok."

There are exactly five seconds of silence. I know this because the hotel room clock ticks five times as if it's taunting me.

"Spence, please be careful but when shit hits the fan I can't guarantee I'll be standing beside you."

"I know. I'm going to keep this quiet for as long as I can."

Her words sting a little as I collapse back onto the bed and their quiet goodbyes are no more then mere mumbles. There are a million and one feelings coursing through my body right now and each one is hitting me like a truck.

Confusion. Fear. Joy. Hope. Anger. Want.

"Hey, why are you thinking so hard?"

She smiles that smile that melts my heart. Do I tell her I heard her and Madison?

"Oh nothing, just wondering where my girlfriend had wandered off to?"

She crawls further up the bed and I cuddle up next to her as she flips on the television. I always promised myself I wouldn't be someone's dirty little secret but for Spencer…She might be worth it.

The confusion is pressing down on me and the only thing that can make me feel better is her reassurance. But I don't want to talk so my lips land on her bare shoulder, then her neck.

An almost growl like noise rumbles through her throat and it drives my actions further. Before I register what I'm doing my legs are on either side of her and my hands are in her hair. Spencer's hands wrap around me as she tries to pull me closer.

A pounding at the door breaks our kiss, well make out, and she crawls out from under me to answer the door.

"Shit, Ash don't move ok? Promise me you'll stay put?"

Those blue eyes I love are pleading with me and her hands shake slightly. What has her so freaked?

"Yeah sure Spence, anything for you."

I'm given a warm smile before her face goes ice cold and it scares me a little. I hear the hotel door open heavily and the strong scent of woodsy cologne punches me in the face.

"Hey beautiful."

His voice almost sends me into attack mode and then I remember what I promised Spencer.

"Aiden go away."

From where I'm sitting I can see the back of her but she's only got the door open enough to barely see her ex-boyfriend.

"Come on babe, don't ya miss me?"

"Actually no and its getting late so you should go."

Her voice has a cold edge to it and her back is stiff.

"Spencer, don't you at least owe me an explanation? Please, I miss you so much."

The prick actually sounds sincere and I'm sure Spencer can tell as well. There is a deafening silence before she speaks again.

"Aiden, maybe later ok? I was just going to bed."

I don't wait to hear the rest of the conversation but slip silently onto the small balcony attached to our room. The moon is full and giving off a dim glow in the late hours of the night.

Before I can actually see her I can sense her behind me.

"Ashley, I'm sorry I didn't know he was going to come around."

A cool hand lands on my shoulder and she steps close, the heat from her body adding to the already warm night.

"Let's just go to bed Spence. All of a sudden I'm exhausted."

I'm tired and I'm the one being completely honest, I can't imagine how tired she must be. The silence is palpable with an unnamed tension as we get ready for bed. The sheets are cool as I finally slide into bed.

"What's wrong?"

She slides in next to me but she's being obvious about not touching me. The red digital clock next to me flashes 2am. All I want is sleep.

"Spencer not now ok? I just really need some sleep, it's been a long day."

She's hurt. The look on her face is nothing but hurt and as she rolls over, away from me, I feel like shit.

Her breathing is shallow and she keeps fidgeting, she's not asleep. Not even close to asleep.

Spencer flinches slightly when my hand brushes her arm.

"Spence?"

In the dark I can hear her take a deep, shuddering breath before answering.

"Yeah Ashley?"

"I'm sorry, it's just I heard you talking to Madison and then Aiden. Are you sure you want this, me?"

A violent movement shakes the bed as she turns towards me and her eyes are sharp and bright in the dark. She reaches up and cups my cheek, a tender look on her face.

"First of all you have to be open with me about what's bothering you, ok? And yes, of course I want you. Ashley that's the problem, I have to get myself ready to give up everything else for you. But I'm ok with that because that's how much I want you."

We both smile and her kiss is filled with the promises I need. And I hope mine are filled with all the reassurances she needs. I can feel things starting to shift and we both cling to each other to find some sort of balance.

**Eh, this was harder for me to write. Do not worry their little weekend is not over, no it's just begun. **

**Thanks to everyone for everything.**

**xoxo**


	20. Te Amo

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all!**

**Baby, I'm so into you  
You got that somethin, what can I do  
Baby, you spin me around  
The Earth is movin, but I can't feel the ground**

The sound of a husky voice belting all too familiar lyrics jolts me from sleep.

**Every time you look at me  
My heart is jumpin, it's easy to see  
You drive me crazy  
I just cant sleep  
Im so excited, I'm in too deep  
Ohh...crazy, but it feels alright  
Baby, thinkin of you keeps me up all night**

The sound of running water joins her voice and my curiosity is getting the better of me so I walk quietly to the bathroom. Steam is already rolling out of the shower as she only sings louder.

**Tell Me, you're so into me  
That i'm the only one you will see  
Tell me, i'm not in the blue  
That i'm not wastin, my feelings on you  
You drive me crazy  
I just cant sleep  
Im so excited, I'm in too deep  
Ohh...crazy, but it feels alright  
Baby, thinkin of you keeps me up all night**

I can see her silhouette in the shower and she's dancing around like a crazy person as she belts out the song. Really she's too adorable for words. A snort escapes me when she flings her arms in the air and she squeaks at the noise.

"Spencer?"

Now she's looking out of the shower and when her gaze lands on me she glares.

"Britney Spears? Really Ash?"

Her nose crinkles in a teasing manner before she slips back behind the curtain but the image of her is stuck in my head. It's 8am so I have about an hour before I have to be downstairs, hmmm.

My clothes are off before I can give it a second thought and she squeals with delight when I push the curtain away.

"Spencer, what the hell? Oooo this could be good."

Her eyes are instantly darker and her hands are everywhere in a matter of seconds. Yup this was a good idea.

X X X X X X X X X X

A single bead of sweat rolls down my forehead under the bright fluorescent lights. Sherry is no picnic to lift and throw in the air as the music blares around me. My muscles have memorized the movements and it comes relatively easy to me.

The final pose and the cheers start to echo throughout the gym smelling of stale sweat and, yup, a hint of desperation. As we all prance and clap our way off the court the judges finish tallying up the scores.

A well-known gaze is burning straight through me. I know she's here, watching me, somewhere. I can't wait to be done here and find out what she has up her sleeve for tonight.

"Great job girls, whatever happens I'm proud of you."

Wow Madison is inspirational, isn't she? I roll my eyes and throw on my best fake smile. The booming voice of the announcer shouts out that we've won the tournament and I'm surprised when excitement rushes through my body.

I'm embarrassed to say I'm one of the girls jumping up and down screaming. Ah God I've turned into one of them. All of the basketball players join our celebration on stage and I'm swept up in a hug from Glen.

He laughs in my ear and kisses me on the forehead before disappearing. Aiden flashes me a smile full of white teeth from across the mass and I'm so caught up in the moment I grin back.

As happy as I am the one person I want around right now is lurking somewhere in the shadows, hidden from prying eyes. Confetti falls and hugs are thrown around before I manage to sneak away.

While I'm passing the vending machines on the fourth floor I notice a shadow move between the snacks and pop machine. Then I get a whiff of her perfume and I know its Ashley waiting back there for me.

Her sniggers and heavy breathing let me on to right where she is and I know she's going to try and scare me. When she jumps out and yells I just quirk an eyebrow, allowing her to tackle me into the wall.

"Aww come on. Were you even a little scared?"

Her hips have me trapped against the wall and her flirtatious grin is all I see.

"No Ash, you're not very subtle."

She pouts adorably and it's too hard to keep from kissing her. Ashley is making some sort of humming noise against my neck as she just hugs me tight.

"You were so great out there today. It took everything in me not to run out there and kiss the crap out of you."

Her hands cup the back of my neck and pull me back into a steamy kiss. My hands latch onto her hips and she tilts her head to kiss me deeper. In this moment, in a hotel hallway, I feel unbelievably alive.

Her lips finally leave mine and she just stares at me before brushing some hair out of my eyes. The look she's giving me is so intense and I can tell there are unspoken feelings. It's a familiar gaze, one that she's given me before and it makes my heart race.

"Dinner?"

Her question is a husky whisper and my reply surprises both of us.

"I love you."

Oh my God, did I just blurt that out loud? Her eyes are wide and she's not blinking.

"Spence, d-do you mean it?"

I break away from her gaze to ask myself if I really did mean it. Was I just caught up in the moment? Do I love her as a friend? No, no I'm in love with her. The mere sight of her makes my heart race and when I'm away from her…God, she's all I think about.

"Ashley, I love you."

A single tear falls down her cheek and I'm quick to wipe it away. Her forehead comes to rest against mine and her breathing is erratic. I can feel the pounding of her heart.

"I love you too."

We grin recklessly at each other and she pulls me towards our room but tries to kiss me several times along the way. Our combined giggles are bouncing off the hotel hallways as we stumble to our room in a mess of embraces and kisses.

How we get the door open I have no idea. We land on the bed with a bounce, me settling on top of her comfortably.

"Tell me again Spence."

Her hazel eyes are light, full of happiness and it makes my chest swell to know she's all mine.

"I. Love. You."

In between each word I deliver a quick peck to her face. My confession gets her to break out into one of her nose crinkling grins. Her eyes roam over my face and then I see them go lower until she's obviously staring down my shirt.

"Nice Ashley."

I slap her playfully on the arm before crawling off her. She props herself up and smirks boldly at me.

"Go get showered, I've got plans for us tonight."

The twinkle in her eyes is a dangerous one but I'll roll the dice because as I've mentioned, I love her.

X X X X X X X X X

Oh I look good. I'm not one to brag but damn. The simple strapless dress is clinging to my body in all the right places and I decided to go with the black one. I've always been told little black dresses are sexy.

I take one last glance at myself before walking back into the room where Ashley is waiting for me. She's waiting for me by the bed, my black stilettos dangling from her hand.

"Need these?"

As she hands me my shoes her eyes travel up my body and she swallows thickly. I'm faring just about the same as her because the one shoulder, silver dress is sexy as hell. I slip into my shoes and she steadies me by placing a supporting hand on my back.

"Let's go."

My voice is a lot more confident then I feel because the butterflies are just going crazy in my stomach right now.

Man, why am I so nervous as we walk hand in hand along a crowded street? It has to be because this is the first real date we've been on or maybe it's because I know just how intense this whole relationship has become.

Ashley stops in front of a building with bright lights and loud music.

"You're taking me dancing?!?"

My voice does that squeaky high thing because I'm ecstatic. It's actually kind of embarrassing.

"Oh yeah baby, any excuse to hold you closer than necessary."

She does that usually annoying cocky wink but I find it adorable with her and she pulls me inside. The music is loud and the smell of stale sweat is strong in my nostrils but I'm so excited.

We push our way through the crowd and settle into the first song. Her smile is a mile wide and the light in her eyes is enough to illuminate the whole club.

My hands rest on her hips and we both sway and laugh until we can't stand any longer.

"Thank you, for coming here with me."

Her fingers are laced with mine and she squeezes my hand at my words. We're slowly making our way back to the hotel, my body still buzzing.

"Spence, I've loved being here with you."

I give her a quick kiss before letting my fingers play with the ends of her hair. How did this all happen? When did I find the person who completes me?

Here, without the judging faces, I've convinced myself I'm ready to show everyone I'm with Ashley. I guess I'll have to see if that confidence hangs around when we get back to King High.

"Hey, stop thinking so hard."

I realize we're standing outside our door and Ashley's looking at me with this half scared look. They key card works on the first swipe, which by the way never happens for me, and before she can turn on the lights I grab her by the hips.

"I love you Ashley Davies."

Even in the dark I can see her smile and when my lips land on her shoulder I feel her shudder against me.

"I love you too."

The feelings washing over me are too real and they're scaring me. She has to see the fear in my eyes and I know she can feel me shaking but she just smiles and leads me to our bed.

Her lips blaze promises across my skin and she holds me close as if she's trying to ward off the demons herself.

**Sorry this took so long. I'm suffering from some major writer's block plus I've just been super busy! **

**Thanks to everyone.**

**xoxo**


	21. Loving You Isn't Hard to Do

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

She said it first, which is strange because I thought I'd come out and say it in two days of this weird dating thing we're doing. Spencer Carlin loves me. Ah it's a great feeling and a better high then any drug.

But all highs must end; enter into the equation Monday morning and a whiney half sister.

"And I have this huge paper due…Ashley, you could at least pretend to listen! Ugh I hate you sometimes!"

For once I was actually listening to her but at the last second Spencer walked onto the quad. Now how am I supposed to focus when she's wearing such tight jeans and such a little shirt?

"Ky, I was listening I swear its just…"

My voice trails off and my eyes wander back to Spencer who's laughing with the other cheerleaders, her eyes twinkling.

"Oh. My. God. You guys have totally been having sex."

"Ky!"

My voice squeaks unnaturally high and my dear sister is smirking in triumph at me. But then I notice how she's staring at Glen and I wonder…

"You had sex with Glen."

It's not a question because I'm sure she has and when she only shrugs my thoughts are confirmed.

"Well I had to see what all the Carlin fuss was about and let me tell you, I see why you're dating Spencer."

She throws me a wink before jogging off after Glen and I'm left with wide eyes. Who knew Kyla and I would end up dating within the same family? This is a little weird.

Jill flops down next to me and mumbles her hellos.

"Good morning sunshine."

As a response all she does is sneer at me. Well damn, what has her panties in a twist? She doesn't bother saying anything to me just broods over her cup of coffee and I think I'll leave it alone for now.

Glen and Kyla are huddled at a picnic table and I can't remember the last time I've seen my little sister so happy. They are sickeningly cute and right as I'm about to roll my eyes I realize this must be how they feel when Spence and I are together.

As if on cue my blonde beauty sits next to me. Her blue, v-neck shirt brings out her clear eyes and I'm having a hard time not staring.

"Morning Ash, good morning Jillian."

Spencer gives Jill a weak nod and a terrified smile. She has this idea in her pretty blonde head that Jillian hates her and thinks she stole me. Ok so maybe that's half true. I am pleasantly surprised when Jillian returns the greeting and gives Spencer a genuine smile.

"I gotta run guys, peace."

A trail of smoke follows Jillian as she walks off to wherever. She's been good about not smoking around me while I'm trying to quit.

"So Spencer…"

When I face my girlfriend she's staring intently at the hole in my jeans that leaves my thigh partly exposed. Her knuckles are white from gripping the picnic bench so hard and there's a line between her eyebrows from scrunching her eyes.

She's super hot.

"Spence, stop looking at me like that or Ima have to jump your pretty ass in front of all these people."

A deep, red blush coats Spencer's face and she shoots off the bench, walking quickly back to her band of cheerleaders. As I'm laughing to myself Chelsea sits across from me and slides a coffee over to me.

"Ash, you gotta leave that poor girl alone. She's still blushing at whatever you said."

A proud smirk seems to find its way on my face as I slip on my giant sunglasses.

"Yeah well I'm just that good."

Chelsea makes a repulsed face and I laugh again.

"You know I like her and I like you since you've been with her. You're a better person for it."

Chelsea's words go right through me. I've felt myself changing but I didn't know it was noticeable to anyone else.

"Thanks Chels. I kinda like her too."

As the bell rings Chelsea and I walk to class together and I can't help but shove a few freshmen out of the way, idiots.

"Ya know I haven't seen you skip class in awhile, you go to every class now don't you?"

I inwardly groan because that was something that had changed in a big way. Spencer told me if I don't go to class, I don't get Spencer time and I _love_ Spencer time.

"Yeah, yeah I go to class but that doesn't mean I pay attention."

My friend scoffs and gives me a gentle shove.

"I said she was changing you for the better, not that she was a miracle worker."

Chelsea laughs at her own joke and saunters away leaving me scowling after her. Ok whatever, I could so pay attention if I wanted to but daydreaming of Spencer is so much more interesting.

In fact while the teacher writes some equation on the board I think I'll see what kind of Spencer dream my mind takes me to.

X X X X X X X X X X

We've been in the mall for two hours, dear lord. Spencer is walking around frantically smelling all sorts of candles, trying to find something to give her mom.

"Well what about this one?"

Another candle gets shoved in my face and by now they all smell the same to me.

"Yeah smells good Spence."

She sniffs it again and wrinkles her nose adorably. Sometimes I don't think she realizes how stinkin cute she is. She's moved on to a new rack of candles and her back is turned to me, giving me a great view of her ass in those tight as hell jeans.

"Stop staring at my ass Ashley."

What the…? How did she know? I bet she's totally a ninja for a side job. Oh God I can just see her in all black, tight clothes…

"Now stop drooling about whatever fantasy you're having, now is so not the time."

Spencer flicks my forehead as she breezes past me and it effectively snaps my visions. As I'm waiting for Spence to finish paying a familiar song starts softly over the radio.

_She doesn't own a dress_

_Her hair is always a mess_

Ah thank the radio Gods I love this song! My feet seem to have a mind of their own and start tapping along with the beat. I murmur the words softly to myself and soon I'm embarrassed to say I'm full out dancing my ass off.

"Throws her head back as she screams I don't really want to live this life!"

The words come out as a yell before I can think it through and everyone stops to stare at me like I'm some sort of crazy person. Hell, maybe I am.

The only person laughing is my girlfriend and she rolls her eyes as she approaches me.

"God Ash, I can't leave you alone for two seconds."

Her hand slips easily in mine and I give it a light squeeze.

"What? It's a good song."

I mumble the words in embarrassment and she chuckles quietly as we reach the car. She drove today because my baby is in the shop.

Yes, it is a sad day today. My brakes are getting a tune up and my tires are getting rotated so I'm left with riding with Spence.

It's possible she's a worse driver than Kyla and that's saying something. Spencer doesn't go fast but she can't seem to stay in her lane for longer then, say…five seconds.

"…and that's why I think Madison is hot."

Wait? What the fuck? My eyes bug out of my head and I feel my jaw drop slightly. I think I'm going to vomit, seriously.

"W-What, M-Madison…"

I can't even bring myself to finish the sentence and a grin slowly slides over Spencer's face.

"Maybe you should listen to me when I talk. Oh and I was totally kidding about Madison, ew."

The car rolls to a stop in her driveway and I try to settle my stomach after Spencer's little prank, soooo not funny. I mean I have a bad taste in my mouth now because of that. Guess the only way to fix it is to kiss Spencer.

I push her up against her door as she's fumbling around for her keys and I bump my nose against hers.

"That wasn't a very funny joke Spence. In fact it was downright repulsive."

Her eyes dart to my lips before returning to my eyes and her usually bright, blue eyes now resemble the depths of the ocean.

"Yeah, well…"

Her voice is kind of breathless and I can see her swallow thickly. Perhaps we should move on to the kissing now? I grab her by the belt loops of her jeans and pull her to me, our lips colliding forcefully.

She makes this little grunting noise when my tongue meets hers and it sends a shock through my body. I bite her bottom lip and my hands are rubbing her stomach underneath her shirt.

I'm so gone I don't even realize she's trying to push me off her and when she finally just shoves me I get the picture.

"Jesus Ashley."

We're both breathing heavily and her chest is rising and falling rapidly, it kinda makes me glaze over for a minute.

"S-Should we go inside?"

I manage to croak the words out even though right now all I can think about is Spencer…naked.

She smiles softly before cupping my face and giving me the softest kiss imaginable. The tenderness of the moment surprises me and when she pulls away she rests her forehead against mine.

"I want you to meet my mom…"

The confusion must be written all over my face because she laughs and adds more to her previous statement.

"…as my girlfriend."

Oh that makes a lot more sense. Her bottom lip is trapped between her teeth and her eyes are studying me intently, like I'll tell her no, please.

"Anything for you."

She grins and I swoon.

**Man I'm really sucking at this whole updating quickly thing. Life keeps getting busy! **

**Thanks to everyone and the song Ash sang was Meet Virginia by Train. It's a fabulous song and you should listen to it in its entirety. **

**xoxo**


	22. Paula Carlin

**I own no part of SON**

So as a general rule parents don't like me. I corrupt young, innocent girls. I wallow in sex, drugs, and liquor. In fact Jill's parents hate me and banned me from their house after they caught us having sex on the kitchen counter.

What, they came home early from their dinner date.

But I knew Paula a long time ago and maybe she remembers who I used to be. Maybe that'll make it worse.

Spencer has been assuring me for two hours as we prepare dinner and wait for Paula to come home. I've been mixing the same sauce for an hour now but I can't stop worrying.

Is Paula one of those super Catholic moms? Will she scream or throw things at me? Ah God will she pull me out by my hair? I love my hair.

"Ashley, stop."

Her hand covers mine over the mixing spoon and it stops my stirring. She has this amused look on her face and her eyebrow is quirked. My mouth twitches into a quick smile and then I lean against the counter to steady myself.

"Sorry Spence, nerves I guess."

She gives me another bright smile and then walks up to me, her arms circling around me. Her lips find mine in a chaste kiss before she pulls away to brush her fingertips across my face. I can't help but shiver. She smiles.

"Don't be nervous. I think she already knows."

Her words are murmured and her eyes are focused on my chest. Seriously Spence, this is so not the time.

"Spence, up here please. Those don't talk."

A deep, red blush coats her cheeks and I chuckle softly as I start to get lost in her eyes. Well I get lost until I hear heavy footsteps in the hallway and I shove Spencer away from me a little too roughly. She gives me a weird look as I stand up straighter and wipe my hands on my jeans.

"Sup party people."

Relief floods through me as Glen strides into the kitchen with my sister in tow. Kyla is giving Glen these stupid, girly googily eyes. Ew.

Spencer smiles warmly at them before nestling herself into my side, that little shoving incident forgotten. She knows I'm on edge. Her free hand is rubbing my stomach softly and I know I have that stupid Spencer induced smile on my face.

"So Ashley you're going to brave Paula huh?"

Glen's words send a shock of panic through me even though his tone is light and his eyes are joking.

"Stop Glen can't you see she's scared to death."

Spencer and Kyla both slap him on the arm as he gives a rough laugh. Spencer's warm hand is back in mine in seconds and it shoots a current through my body. Jesus, this girl is making me feel all sorts of weird things, good but weird.

Glen plops himself on a kitchen stool and pulls my baby sister into his lap. He better watch it. I'm giving him my best guard dog eyes when the door opens again followed by a woman's voice.

"Glen, Spence? That smells delicious!"

Paula waltzes into the kitchen with bright, blue eyes that are almost identical to her daughter's. Spencer doesn't release my hand and I see Paula's mouth twitch and I hope it's in a friendly manner.

"Uh me and Ky are gonna watch TV. Come on babe."

"But Glen I wanna see…"

"Ky, no."

Kyla gives him a pleading look before allowing herself to be pulled into the other room. I feel Spencer tense beside me and Paula is shooting us this look. I don't even know how to describe how she's looking at us.

"M-Mom can we uh talk to you?"

Spencer shifts unconsciously closer to me and I squeeze her hand tighter. I realize this has to be way harder for her than me.

"Sure sweetie, what's going on?"

Paula has this grin on her face and it makes her look child like. I feel my heart warm with love for the woman who gave me Spencer.

"Momashleyandiaredating."

Her words are rushed together and I see Paula trying to decipher the message, same as me.

"Spence, maybe try again."

I mumble the words because I don't want to draw attention to myself. The TV suddenly mutes in the other room and I know those two are spying on us. Jerks.

The girl clinging to my hand for dear life takes a deep breath before trying again.

"Mom. Ashley and I…"

She pauses and for some reason I feel the need to blurt out the statement.

"..are dating!"

Oh my God. Did I really just do that? I clap my hand over my mouth and Paula gives me an amused smirk that is so very similar to my girlfriend's.

"Ok. Honey I already knew."

The TV resumes with sound and I figure they heard what they wanted. Spencer just nods at her mother with tears in her eyes. She flies into Paula's arms and while they hug I slip into the other room where Glen is passed out on Kyla's shoulder, what a girl.

"So it went well?"

Kyla's eyes never leave the screen but she must sense me hovering behind her.

"Uh yeah, I think."

"Well you're still alive. I'd take that as a victory."

Then she grins at me and it makes me replicate her actions. I'm unbelievably happy right now.

"Ash, could you come here?"

Spencer's voice is all sing-song like and I don't hesitate to dart to the kitchen. Her eyes light up when I show up and she gives me the biggest smile. It makes the room spin before I regain balance.

"Spence let me talk to Ashley alone."

Oh God the moment I've been dreading. She was just putting on a show for her daughter and now she's going to murder me.

"Don't be scared."

Spencer's words barely sink in and I almost don't feel the kiss to my cheek because I'm so damn scared.

"Ashley, sweetie calm down."

Paula laughs lightly before sitting down at the kitchen table and gesturing for me to join her. Here we go.

"S-Sorry Mrs. C."

"Oh don't be ridiculous, call me Paula. Lord knows we've know each other long enough for that. Anyway you take care of my baby. This isn't going to be easy for her."

Her eyes get sad and she blinks several times before continuing.

"She needs someone special in her life, especially since her father passed. I see how happy you make her, continue doing that and we won't have any problems."

She gets up, kisses the top of my head, and walks away leaving me completely dazed. Wow that went really well.

"Baby, you ok?"

Spencer is looking at me like I might break but all I do is bust out in a grin. I'm on my feet with my arms wrapped around her in seconds.

"Yes, God yes everything is ok."

She chuckles huskily into my shoulder and it sends another strange jolt straight through me.

"Ok, ok lemme go. Listen Glen wants to play Guitar Hero."

And she says the two most precious words in the English language. Guitar. Hero. I can't help but give an excited squeal.

I'm so lame.

X X X X X X X X X X

Her lips move in sync with mine and she moans softly into my mouth. This good night kiss is turning out to be rated R. Her hips jerk against me and my whole body seems to be on fire as her hands pull me closer.

"Spence…we gotta stop…"

That perfect mouth moves down my neck and rests against my collarbone as her breath comes out in soft puffs. Each little breath sends tingles shooting through my body and makes my heart beat irregularly.

"Yeah you're right. Mom's probably watching anyway."

What, Paula is watching? Shit. My hands try to push her back but she's refusing to relinquish the death grip she has on me.

"Spence, your mom!"

"I was kidding. You really need to calm down. Call me later?"

A car horn honks impatiently behind us and I totally forgot Kyla was my ride home.

"Yeah I'll call before I go to bed."

I turn to leave but she grabs my wrist and stops me.

"Ash?"

"Yeah?"

Her eyes flash me a sad look and her forehead is creased in worry.

"I love you."

I step back into her warmth and press my lips against her forehead, letting them linger there entirely too long.

"I love you too."

My grin must calm her because she smiles back and kisses my nose before pushing me towards Kyla. I trip over myself as I walk backwards trying to blow Spencer kisses. I know I'm an idiot but that's fine because it made her smile the smile that makes my knees weak.

"Jesus, finally. I thought I was going to have to get the hose."

A stupid smile is still plastered across my face as we back away slowly.

"Shut it Ky."

And for once she does. Maybe she sees the giant smile on my face the whole way home or maybe she's noticed that my familiar cloud of smoke has stopped following me or maybe she's noticed that I'm in all my classes. Whatever the reason for the first time ever Kyla closes her mouth and drives with soft smile on her face instead.

In fact it's the same smile I'm wearing on my face.

Its Carlin induced.

**Thanks to everyone. **

**xoxo **


	23. Us Versus the World

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

The air is unusually still today, no gentle breeze plays with my bangs or the edges of my skirt. It's one of those days that everyone in California is scared of because these are prime days for wildfires. I've heard those wildfires can destroy miles in minutes.

What a scary thought, something being burnt to the ground with nothing but ash left as evidence.

A glance to my left shows me my ex boyfriend and the other jocks or cheerleaders talking excitedly while a glance to my right shows my girlfriend, her sister, my brother, and the rest of the gang.

There's an overwhelming pull to go to her and kiss her soundly but fear still courses through my veins.

"Hey you comin?"

She's beside me in an instant and her eyes seem to sparkle in the sunlight. The way the light is hitting her there seems to be some sort of glow coming off her. She's beautiful. I grab her hand and she gives me look of uncertainty or maybe disbelief. I don't usually touch her at school, even in the slightest of ways.

"Yeah Ash, I'm right here."

We squeeze hands lightly before she lets go and I don't understand what she's doing. Doesn't she want me out, as her girlfriend? Is she ashamed of me? An awkward tension fills the obvious void between us as we sit down with our other friends.

"Hey Spence!"

Kyla waves quickly from across the table then continues smiling at Glen. Ashley's fingers brush my knee tentatively under the table and my knee jerks away automatically. She looks hurt but to be honest I don't really care. I'm a little mad at her.

"Spencer."

Her voice is so low that I'm sure no one else can hear her talking. When I glance to where she's sitting I realize Ashley has scooted closer to me, so close in fact that her nose is almost touching my arm.

"Spencer. Please don't be angry with me. I don't want you to get hurt. Do you know what will happen when you decide to tell everyone?"

Her slim fingers scratch my jean covered thigh and it almost distracts me from the fear in her voice.

"I can take care of myself."

I feel her deflate next to me. Then the warmth of her body so close to mine is gone and I'm watching her walk away. What's wrong with her?

"Spencer, be patient. She's afraid for you."

I smile at the younger Davies and if I can be truly honest she's got nothing on her ridiculously gorgeous half sister.

"I get it, I really do but now I'm ready and where is she? Ky, I need her with me. Can you please talk some sense into her?"

She chuckles and shakes her head as if someone just told her an amusing joke. Hello, this so isn't funny.

"Right some sense, Spencer she's never had that. She won't listen to me. This is going to have to be something you do. Sorry kid."

My hair gets tousled as she waltzes by with her heels clicking and the bell rings again signaling the warning bell. As I'm repacking all my books that are on the table a hand appears and I instantly recognize the silver band on the middle finger.

"Walk you to class?"

She's twinkling again but there's a defeat in her eyes that I don't recognize or like very much but I can't help but grin at her.

"I'd love that."

She pulls me up with more force than I anticipated and I stumble into her arms. Ashley quirks a challenging eyebrow and I realize she made me fall on purpose, ass. So I fight the urge to shove her away and press a light kiss to her cheek.

"Dykes!"

Her arms that were circled loosely around me drop to her sides and her eyes leave mine.

"Is that what you want? Can you take people hating you for who you love?"

There's sadness in her voice but so much anger too.

"Yes Ashley, if that means I get you then yes I'll take it. Don't pull away now because I'm going to need you after I do this."

The quad is packed and for a split second I hesitate but her eyes pull me back. I grab her by the neck and kiss her forcefully.

Some sort of surprised noise makes it out of her throat and then she's kissing me back. The kisses are light but they still make my body hum. All of a sudden the absence of noise is overly significant.

I pull back and open my eyes to the whole quad staring at us.

"Come on Ash, let's go to class."

Her eyes are kind of glazed over so I have to lead her away and as soon as we start moving the quad buzzes to life.

Well this is going to be interesting.

X X X X X X X X X X

So far today three kids have laughed in my face, nine kids have yelled 'dyke' at me, and I've had one kid trip me in the halls. I guess it could be worse, I could be Ashley. They are torturing her and it is killing me.

Right now she's sulking next to me at the lunch table, the food that should be in front of her on the ground.

"Here eat this."

Kyla rips her sandwich in half and gives some to Ashley. My girlfriend grumbles in thanks and digs in. An all too familiar group of girls are walking our way. I groan and bury my face in Ashley's neck.

"Spencer can we talk to you?"

Sherry's voice grates on my nerves and I notice that Madison is no where to be found.

"Whatever you want to say just say it Sherry."

"You're off the squad. I can't believe you're with this…"

And now I'm pissed. I'm on my feet before I can think it through.

"What? This what? Don't you dare come over here and think you can throw insults in my girlfriend's face. I'm going to kick your ass!"

As I lounge at the stupid bitch Ashley somehow jumps in the way and pulls me back by my waist. The cheerleaders scamper away and soothing hands run over my face.

"Hey Spence, chill out. Focus, look at me."

"What?"

I snap at her and she smirks at me with amusement. Oh good I'm glad she finds me funny.

"Wow."

"What Ashley?"

Now her eyes have gone darker and I can hear her breathing get faster.

"You are so hot when you're mad."

I'm still so mad that her roaming eyes have no effect on me. How can someone treat another human being like that? This is showing me just how strong Ashley really is, my poor baby.

"I'm sorry."

I choke the words out onto Ashley's cheek and she turns her head to rest it against mine.

"For what Spence?"

"They're taking this all out on you."

Soft lips land on my forehead and a hand under the table entwines with mine.

"For you it's going to be worth it."

It's moments like this that I forget we're even in a world with other people because right now all I can see is Ashley. Her smile, her dark eyes, everything about her distracts me from reality.

"Get a room fags."

And then back to reality. Something that sounds like a growl rumbles through Ashley as the kid walks by but she remains close.

"You should go to class."

I nod and give her a smile goodbye, which she barely returns. She watches me the whole way to my locker where Kyla seems to be waiting nonchalantly. They are so not as sneaky as they think.

"So Ashley sent you to protect me?"

Her mouth opens and closes making me smirk. Ah it's nice to be smirking at her instead of the other way around. Seriously I feel like I've won a hundred bucks.

"Perhaps I just enjoy your company Spencer."

She rolls her eyes and in that small gesture I see the resemblance to Ashley.

"So that's a yes then?"

"Of course."

We share a laugh then and link arms as we walk to class. It was very smart of Ash to send Kyla as my body guard. Everyone seems to be afraid of the tiny Davies. I don't get tripped or called any names when she's by my side, its nice.

X X X X X X X X X X

It's been the longest day of my life and all I want is to go home and snuggle with my girlfriend. By now everyone has calmed down to just scowling at me or looking at me with disgust.

The strange thing is I still haven't encountered Madison. I don't know what's going on there.

"Spencer! Oh my God Spence!"

Chelsea comes flying at me from the gym, her hair a mess and a dark bruise showing on her cheek. I know what she's going to say and I drop my books before taking off for the gym.

"Ash! Ashley, where is she?"

I slam into Aiden and he has a scratch down his cheek. It's red and looks like it hurts like a bitch, good.

"Seriously is this what you dumped me for, some girl? Not even just some girl but _her_!"

He scoffs and my hand connects with his jaw, a loud thwack echoing through the gym.

"Go to hell."

There are people crowded by the girl's locker room and I know that's where Ashley must be. Of course my mind is thinking of the worst. Her broken body lying on a bench like it's an alter, something like that.

What I encounter is not so bad. She's sitting on a bench with a cloth pressed to her forehead and blood is all down her neck into her shirt.

"Jesus Christ Ashley."

Now I don't ever use the Lord's name in vain but this occasion calls for it.

"Spencer? Oh wait…don't panic it's not that bad."

I quickly inspect her when I get close and yeah it kind of is that bad. All the blood is from a giant gash above her eyebrow and her bottom lip is split. The eye that doesn't have the gash is starting to blacken. It looks like someone took a bat to her face.

"Baby…"

I don't actually touch her face, I'm too afraid I'll hurt her. So I kneel in front of her my hands hovering over her and trembling at the sight before me.

"Spencer, don't cry. I'm ok."

Her fingers are quick to wipe away tears I didn't even realize I was crying. They hurt her. They hurt her for loving me.

"Come on Ashley. I'll take you home and my mom can fix you up."

I pull her to her feet and she sways a little before grabbing onto me to steady herself.

"Maybe I'm not so good."

The whimpered words break my heart and she hurts so bad she even lets me drive her car. On the way home I called Mom and I knew she'd be there waiting for us because that's who she's been recently.

Before I even have the car all the way in park my mom is pulling my battered girlfriend from the passenger side.

"Oh my God sweetie what happened?"

My mother immediately has Ashley on the couch and our emergency first aid kit strewn about the living room. I pace back and forth as Paula dabs at my girlfriend's face.

"Spencer go away, you're making me nervous."

My mother's voice is firm but kind and I do as she says. You know the saying, 'mother knows best, well I hope it's true.

"Spence honey you can come back in. She's sleeping though so be quiet."

Ashley is passed out on the couch with her mouth hanging open ever so slightly and soft snores coming from her mouth.

"Is she ok?"

"Yeah sweetie I gave her medicine to help her sleep. What happened today?"

My mother sits in the recliner next to the couch while I sit on the floor by Ashley's head and gently run my fingers through her curls.

"I guess someone beat up on her. Today at school everybody well find out about us…"

Paula's face is unreadable as she stares at me; it's a little disturbing actually.

"The kids didn't do anything to you did they?"

Her forehead is creased in worry and her eyes are roaming over me anxiously. She's the picture of a worried parent right now.

"No Mom, I'm fine. They saved it all for Ashley."

My mother nods with an angry look on her face and excuses herself from the room, leaving me alone with a sleeping Ashley.

"I'm so sorry baby. I never dreamed this is what would happen. I love you."

A single tear streams down my face and I curl up on the couch next to the brunette. Even in her medicine like sleep her arms circle around me to pull me closer.

I have a feeling this isn't even close to over.

**Thanks everyone! **

**xoxo**


	24. Return to Normalsort of

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all!**

Ignoring her calls is totally unintentional. I never thought I'd be someone who would do that sort of thing but here I am watching my phone light up again. The bruise on my eye has started to yellow and it looks like a damaged pear. The ten stitches above my other eye have started to fall out and my lip is mostly back to normal.

The slightest noises have been setting me off recently. My mother banged some pots together while cooking and I bolted out the door. How screwed up is that? And I tell Spence that I'm fine. I am so far from fine its not even funny.

The only person who has seemed to catch on to my change in character is Kyla. She's been watching me with worry these past few days and I see her move slower around me.

"Hey Ash?"

Kyla's voice startles me and I drop the glass of water I was drinking. It drenches my bed and I just leave the glass. I try to steady my heart as Kyla walks in to my room.

"What's up Ky?"

As much as I try to hide it my voice trembles when I talk. My sister gives me a soft smile and sits next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

"Have you talked to Spencer recently?"

See I haven't been going to school for the past few days. The only human contact I've had has been with my family, people I trust. I guess that should include Spencer.

"Uh no I've been busy?"

"Ash, she's so worried about you. Why haven't you called her?"

And there's the million dollar question. Why haven't I called my girlfriend? I can't answer that completely. Maybe part of it is how afraid for her I am. If they did this to me will they do something to her? I couldn't live with myself if she got hurt because of me. If I ignore her maybe she'll give up on me and be safe.

"Listen Ky, I'm tired could you go? I'm going to take a nap."

The disappointed looks she gives me makes my chest hurt but I'm so tired. I haven't been sleeping.

"Sure Ash. Feel better."

She kisses the top of my head and closes the door behind her. I go to my bathroom to wash my face and the person staring back at me in the mirror looks like death. The bags under my eyes have gotten really bad and my hair has no shine to it.

I flop onto my bed and burrow under the covers. A fitful sleep soon overtakes me.

X X X X X X X X X X

"Ashley, wake up."

Soft fingers stroking my cheek quickly wake me and I almost cry at the sight of her. Spencer looks like she hasn't slept in days and I can tell it has been killing her to stay away, just like me.

"I'm scared, all the time Spencer."

She gives me a sad smile and nestles down next to me.

"I know baby."

I look her over and I don't see any signs of physical damage. They haven't hurt her. Of course they haven't, she has Glen looking out for her.

"Will you stay with me? It'll help me finally really sleep."

Her fingers trace the newly formed scar above my eye and then her lips follow her fingers. I have to stop myself from flinching as she kisses my face over and over. My own hands find their way to her back and I pull her closer as her lips finally land on mine.

The feeling sets explosions off in my head and she sighs contentedly into my mouth. Her hands stroke my stomach as mine just wander over her body.

"Go to sleep Ash, I love you."

Her arms wrap around me and almost as soon as I bury my face in her neck I'm asleep.

X X X X X X X X X X

"Ashley, come on. It'll be ok."

She sounds so sure of that fact. It's easy for her; they didn't beat her to a pulp. As soon as I step out of my car I'm surrounded but not in a bad way. Spencer latches onto my side, Jillian falls in step next to me, and Glen with Kyla walk ahead of us.

Spencer smiles adorably at me and then rests her head on my shoulder as we walk. They're forming a shield around me, it's cute. Then a person I never expected walks up behind us and gives Spencer a friendly nod.

Madison eyes me warily but continues walking with us and I watch her crumple when my girlfriend grins at her. Spencer has that effect on people.

Slowly my shield fades and I'm left alone with Spencer outside my first class.

"You gonna be ok?"

Her head tilts cutely as she stares at me and her hand is still holding onto mine tightly. I can breathe easy when she's near. She makes me feel safe.

"Yeah Spence, I'll be fine."

She gives me an incredulous look before speaking.

"Are you sure Ash? I mean we can go home if you want."

"I'm fine. Now go away! Jeez I don't even like you."

Spencer grins at me and rolls her eyes as she jogs away to make it to her class on time. I slip into my classroom and eye a certain group of kids warily. Aiden sneers at me as I walk past and I 'accidentally' swing my bag around to smack him in the face, asshole.

X X X X X X X X X X X

When the bell rings I practically jump out of my chair to leave. I can't stand sitting through class, it makes me so restless.

A cheerleading uniformless Madison is leaning against the wall across from my classroom. She looks bored and as if she'd rather be anywhere but here.

"There you are, finally. Come on lunch time."

Her tone is one of annoyance and it takes me a minute to grasp that she's talking to me.

"Why are you here? Don't you have to cheer for something?"

"Listen Davies, I don't really like you but I like your girlfriend and I hate what they did to you. So I'm here, don't piss me off."

I'm shocked.

"Thank you."

I hear her grumble something under her breath then take off down the hallway. I'm quick to follow.

"So Madison, we're friends now huh?"

Now I'm just being annoying and she knows it.

"No Davies, I still hate you. I actually hate you a lot."

"You loooove me and wanna be bessstiieeesss!"

My voice is all annoyingly high and cheerful. If it wasn't pissing Madison off so effectively I'd hate myself.

"Seriously I'll leave you here to get your ass kicked."

"But you won't do that because you looooooove me."

I can hear her teeth grind as we walk to our lunch table and I see Spencer waiting there for me anxiously.

"Ash! Hey."

Aw my baby has been a worried mess over me.

"Don't you worry Spence, Madison took good care of me because she loo-"

"Shut it before I give you a new black eye."

Spencer bites back a smile as the Latina growls menacingly. Spencer seats herself comfortably in my lap while Madison, wearing a slight smile, sits across from us. Soon our table fills up with our friends and the indistinct chatter fills my head.

I'm surprised to see that Glen's obsession with Kyla doesn't bother Madison and she's even talking excitedly with my sister, weird.

"I know this has been hard for you but I'm glad you're back."

I smile against the side of Spencer's face that she' pressed against mine to whisper in my ear. She kisses my cheek before nestling her face into my shoulder.

"Me too Spence, me too."

"Ugh stop being so sickeningly cute. It bothers the rest of us."

The looks on everybody's faces contradict Kyla's complaint, even the look on her own face. Each and every one of them are wearing identical soft smiles. They love us.

"Whatever Ky. You're just jealous because I got the sexy Carlin."

My little sister only shrugs and Spencer chuckles softly against my neck.

"Whoa, do not refer to my little sister as sexy."

Ah the ape speaks, this should be good because Spencer has roused herself from her resting place and is glaring at Glen.

"Glen, you should see how sexy Spencer when she makes me c-"

"ASHLEY!"

A soft hand clamps over my mouth as Spencer blushes the darkest I've ever seen. Kyla is fanning a pale faced Glen and the rest of the crew is laughing hysterically.

"What Spence? I was gonna say concentrate."

She can see right through me as I grin stupidly at her. Her hand finds mine under the table right before lunch ends and she gives it a comforting squeeze. Spencer waltzes away leaving me with my mini me.

"Wanna ditch?"

Her eyes are pleading with mine and her perfectly lip glossed lips are formed into an exaggerated pout.

"Kyla, you rebel! But yes let's get the hell outta here."

"Don't forget me too."

Jill is all of a sudden standing next to us with a grin on her face. I nod and the three of us walk away from the school. Jill wraps an arm around my shoulders and I lean against her.

Moments like these show me that no matter what happens I'll always have them, my little sister and my best friend.

The three of us are unstoppable…or so I thought.

**Sorry sorry sorry! Ugh I've been crazy busy but I'm still here, promise. **

**Thanks to everyone.**

**xoxo**


	25. A Party and a Breakdown

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all!**

**xoxo**

"God move I can't even see!"

"I was here first!"

"Asshole!"

"Bitch!"

I finally decide words aren't enough and jab Glen as hard as I can in the ribs. When he ducks down to grab his side I lean in and finish the last of my makeup.

"See if you'd have moved I could have finished without hurting you."

"…I…hate…you…"

For a second I almost feel bad because his eyes are watering and we have to be at the Davies' house soon but I just can't muster up the feeling.

"Hurry up Glen or we'll be late."

He scowls at me as I walk away and I can hear him mimicking my voice into the bathroom mirror, what a child. The red dress I'm wearing is light on my body and perfect for the humid weather. My idiot twin is dressed in a black shirt and black slacks, seriously dumbass?

"Oh hunny you look so adorable!"

And I almost made it out the door without my mother seeing me. She tucks my hair behind my ear and gives me a teary smile. Oh no, please God don't let her….

"I just love you so much Spencer."

…start crying. Now she's sobbing openly and I can only stare at her in horror. Glen comes into my sight behind Paula and he gestures to the door while smirking at me.

Fifteen minutes later and we are finally backing out of the driveway.

"I can't believe you made mom cry."

He sniggers to himself and it sounds a little like a pig snorting.

"Just drive, we're already late."

X X X X X X X X X X

Ashley is talking to some old woman nodding slowly and I'm sure she's rolling her eyes behind the unnecessarily large sunglasses. I take a minute to just stare and admire how beautiful she really is.

"GLEEEEEN!"

A high pitched scream cuts through the thick afternoon heat and a tornado in Prada flies at my brother. He catches Kyla expertly and gives her a twirl. They are actually pretty cute.

The younger Davies' antics have attracted attention and Ashley is walking to me slowly with a smile playing on her face.

"You look amazing."

She presses a kiss to my forehead while I blush at her compliment.

"Ash, so do you."

And she does look amazing. Her black slacks and vest combo with the tie make her look just delicious and her curly hair is clipped back slightly.

"Come on time to mingle with the Davies clan."

So here's the deal its Mr. and Mrs. Davies anniversary party at their mansion and Ashley's whole family is here. She asked me to be here, I said no then she asked with a few kisses and touches, I said yes.

Damn her and her sexiness.

"Right, let's uh mingle with your family."

She grins easily and slips her arm around my waist as we walk towards her house, excuse me mansion. As the doors swing open in front of us I almost squeak out loud.

There seems to be hundreds of people here and they all look like they've stepped out of a fashion magazine. Vogue, they are all models from Vogue.

"Spencer, close your mouth and stop staring."

I scowl at her but she's just smiling easily to herself and leading me to where there are several older people.

"…so I left him."

All the people are nodding solemnly and giving the woman with red hair sad looks.

"Ashley, darling!"

The red head flashes Ashley a brilliant smile and pushes past all the other people to gather my girlfriend into her arms. The enthusiasm is returned by Ashley and their embrace lasts for several seconds.

"Aunt Kel! You look awesome."

Aunt Kel smiles wickedly and shrugs before her sharp green eyes land on me, I feel two feet tall.

"And who is this beautiful girl."

Ashley quickly returns to my side and I feel her possessive grip on my waist once again.

"Aunt Kelly this is my girlfriend Spencer. Spence meet the coolest person ever, Aunt Kel."

Kelly quirks her eyebrow when Ashley says girlfriend and her eyes are scanning me, probably finding my weaknesses so she can kill me or something.

"Hi, nice to meet you."

I stick out my hand for a handshake and almost piss myself when I feel her hug me. She's so tall that when she stands straight, still holding onto me, my feet dangle above the ground.

Ashley is grinning at me as Kelly sets me down and I immediately latch myself back onto my laughing girlfriend.

"Spencer…isn't that a guy's name?"

"I get that a lot."

Both women laugh and Ashley nuzzles my cheek before excusing herself to get us champagne.

"Ok I'm glad we are alone. I have something I want to say to you."

Oh good here comes the 'I don't like you very much but…' speech.

"Uh…"

"Just let me talk. So, Ashley is like a little sister to me and I've met a lot of her 'girlfriends' and never really like any of them. Maybe it's because I can tell they mean so little to her but you're different. The way she looks at you is just obvious she's head over heels. Be careful with her, she's a lot more fragile than she acts."

Kelly squeezes my shoulder before leaving me with my mouth hanging wide open and a lump forming in my throat. I think I've just gained the approval of Ashley's number one.

"Baby where'd Aunt Kel go? What's wrong, did she do something to you?"

Ashley's eyes search mine and there's an anxious look written all over her face. I take one of the flutes of champagne and give her a small smile.

"No Ash, she was perfect. I really like her."

She full out grins at me, complete with that sexy nose crinkle and my knees almost give out completely.

"Ok let's finish so I can get you liquored up enough to make some bad decisions."

A sexy wink is thrown my way before she downs her drink and once again takes my hand in hers. I follow her into the throng of people because that's what I do, I follow her.

X X X X X X X X X X X

"Assssssh, kiss meeeeee."

Ok maybe I'm a little drunk. Hey, it's not my fault my glass kept refilling. My girlfriend is a sneaky, sneaky girl.

Her lips land on my temple and she rests one of her hands on my thigh. That was not the kind of kiss I had in mind.

"Stop pouting Spencer. I'm not going to make out with you in front of my entire family."

"You suck."

She chuckles and she's sitting so close the vibrations from her body bounce into mine. The heat has continued through the whole party and even now as the sun starts to set its sticky out.

My feet dangling in the cool water of the pool have kept me from collapsing of heat stroke and every now and then I get splashed from Glen and Kyla playing around in the water. Ashley's humming lazily next to me as she watches the sun set and I can't seem to stop staring at her.

I know she can feel my gaze on her face but she continues to stare straight ahead while her fingers draw small circles on my knee.

"Ashley?"

"Hmm, yeah what's up Spence?"

"Are you happy?"

The question must catch her off guard because her hands stills but only for a few beats.

"Of course, why would you ask?"

Now those big brown eyes that make the butterflies in my stomach go crazy are probing me for answers.

But when my hand goes to rest on her stomach and a silent tear falls down my face realization washes across her expression. It hurts to see her become so sad but she doesn't ever talk about it and I need to know.

"Spence…"

It's a whispered plea and usually I'd leave it alone.

"Ashley please, you never want to talk about it and now I feel like I might deserve some answers, please."

"And I still don't…"

Our small moment is going completely unnoticed by everyone else as people walk by us chattering happily.

"It's ok you can talk to me about it."

A deep shuddering breath leaves her mouth and she laces her fingers with mine before she starts.

"I told you I only slept with a guy once but it was enough to get pregnant. At first I was totally freaked and was gonna abort but something snapped inside me. I decided to keep the baby like all the way. It was a little girl, my little girl."

Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears and I can't even begin to imagine what it felt like.

"Anyway, about a month and a half in I woke up in a pool of my own blood. I had miscarried while I was asleep. The doctor said it wasn't my fault but I can't help but feel like I was punished for something. She was mine and she was a part of me. Imagine losing a limb, it's even worse than that."

Now I've changed my mind, I don't want to hear anymore. Her eyes are hollow and she won't look at me but there's one more thing I want to ask and I won't ever have the nerve again.

"W-Who was the father?"

Her reaction breaks my heart. Ashley looks at me with broken eyes and shakes her head slowly, tears rolling down her face.

"Spence, don't you think that's enough?"

"This is the last thing, trust me please."

Thinking back I should have known, I should have seen the answer but maybe I've been ignoring it.

"Aiden."

Now I'm dizzy and I drop her hand like it burned me. I know my response upset her but she should have told me this earlier, like way earlier.

"What? No, because you would have said something earlier or…I don't know, it just can't be. I mean you guys hate each other…right? Like…did you love him?"

That previous drunkenness, it's gone now and all I can feel is anger or maybe confusion.

I'm on my feet in an instant with Ashley standing up right next to me, her eyes wide.

This time I don't want to be right, I don't want to know the truth. The truth might hurt too much. But why? Why would the idea of her loving him hurt me? Even I don't understand, it just feels like some sort of sick betrayal.

"No Spencer. It was a stupid experiment but it resulted in something amazing, that's all. Where are you going?"

I've started walking away, to where I have no idea. Her strides match mine and she pulls me into some sort of closet. Where the hell are we?

"Where, what are you doing?"

She has me trapped against the wall and I'm still intoxicated enough that I can't really push her out of the way.

"Spencer, I never loved Aiden and trust me I never will. He told me he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to feel like I was trying to sabotage the relationship. I wanted you to figure him out for yourself."

She's right, of course.

"I'm sorry Ash."

Her body is suddenly wrapped around mine in a hug. I might kill him though the next time I see him.

Why does everything have to be so complicated?

**Thank you everyone. Again sorry for the delay. **


	26. Sunshine and Smiles

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

**xoxo**

I've been up since six o'clock this morning. I'm so sick of so much drama being in my relationship with Spencer. Is there some divine power fucking with us whenever it can? We need a day where we are happy and alone, we need it or I'm afraid we're going to combust.

She's cute when she sleeps. Her blonde hair cascades over her face and small noises escape her partly open mouth. For a few moments I can almost see my life in ten years with her by my side. We'd have a dog of course and cool rocking chairs.

The thought of an actual future scares the hell outta me and I quickly bring myself back to the present where crystal blue eyes are staring at me intensely.

"Ash, are you ok?"

Her concerned voice makes me smile a little and I give her nose a quick kiss.

"Baby I'm perfect, I'm with you aren't I?"

The blush I love so much races over her cheeks and she pulls me down to snuggle next to her. Instantly I feel a rush of warmth spread from my chest to my toes.

"Does anyone else know that 'badass' Ashley Davies snuggles?"

"No and if you tell anyone I'll have to kill you."

Her husky chuckle is music to my ears as I inhale deeply against her neck.

"So Ash, what are we doing today?"

"Uh I'm cool with lying naked in bed all day but you have to stay naked or I'm not interested."

"What about the bathroom that is outside of your room or how about if we need food?"

My gorgeous blondie has a very valid point and I realize my plan of worshipping Spencer's naked body all day might not work out.

"Hmm guess I didn't think of those things…"

My face must be humorous because she starts giggling before kissing me soundly on the mouth. Just as I'm about to roll on top of her she pulls back and slides out of bed.

"What the…Spence where the hell are you going?"

Her hair has the adorable tousled look to it and she has lines on her cheek from her pillow but her eyes are bright despite her other signs of sleep, it makes my stomach flip.

"We are going out for breakfast. So get dressed."

A pair of jeans smack me in the face and soon a shirt and bra follow. Well I'm glad my girlfriend picks out my outfits. A little bit of drool slides out of my mouth as I watch Spencer maneuver into a pair of tight jeans and a black bra.

"Ashley…move. Now."

I scowl at her before she disappears into the hallway. It only takes me a few minutes to get dressed, brush my teeth, and wrestle my unruly hair into a quick bun thing.

The sound of laughter tells me that everyone is downstairs probably gathered around the kitchen island.

"Finally Ashley I swear you move at a snail's pace. We're all starving."

Kyla's voice is especially whiney and I roll my eyes as I take my appropriate place basically on top of Spencer.

"Shut it Ky, just shut it. Morning beautiful, I love you."

"I love you too."

She's blushing as she mumbles the words into our kiss and I release a deep sigh into her mouth.

"Oh God please stop that's my baby sister you're making out with."

"Glen let's not forget you're porking my baby sister as well."

Everyone's face scrunches up with disgust and it gives me inner happiness.

"Ew Ashley, did you have to say it like that?"

Kyla whines at me before grabbing Glen's hand and dragging him out the front door.

"Whoa whoa whoa, Spencer why aren't we driving?"

"Because it's a beautiful morning and not that far of a walk."

"Buuuuttt Speeeeence I hate exercise!"

The whine that comes out of my throat impresses even me and Spencer just rolls those beautiful baby blues at me. As I continue to pout she steps right into my personal space and brushes her nose against mine.

"Ash…"

She's trailing her mouth across my neck and suddenly I can't breathe or form coherent thoughts.

"Uhhh."

Great real intelligent Davies.

"Are you listening to me Ashley?"

She nips at my neck softly and I think I whimper.

"Hmm uhh yeahhhh."

Then the warm breath against my neck is gone and she's staring me dead in the eye.

"We're walking to breakfast and if you don't complain again I think I might be able to come up with a reward for you."

Spencer finishes with a wink and her eyes twinkle mischievously.

"Done. Let's hurry up and get breakfast because you and I missy have some things to do."

I pull her through the front door and into an obnoxiously bright morning. Dear God someone needs to turn down the sun. Is that even possible because they need to figure that shit out, like now.

"Here's your sunglasses."

Aw my baby takes such good care of me and damn she looks good today. Her hair is all extra shiny and her eyes are all extra twinkly.

"Thanks Spence. We're going to Johnny's right because if not I'm seriously turning around. I want those damn pancakes with the smiley chocolate chips."

Don't laugh, best pancakes ever. Spencer gives me a "you have got to be kidding me look" and just laces her fingers with mine.

"Yes Ash, we're going to Johnny's."

Her tone is one of annoyance but it doesn't bother me. I'm very used to annoying people even my unbelievable girlfriend.

Spencer's hand is warm in mine and she's humming softly as we walk. For the first time I notice that I'm not having as much trouble breathing as I walk. This makes me smile, she makes me smile. The goddamn annoying sun makes me smile. Glen's hand in Kyla's back jean pocket on the other hand does not make me smile.

"Your ape of a brother better watch his hands."

It comes out of my mouth as a menacing growl and even I'm a little surprised how angry I sound. Spencer tugs me closer to her and pecks me on the cheek.

"It's cute Ash. They are cute and you know her treats her well. Almost as well as you treat me."

I stop us outside of the restaurant and turn to face her. The spring sun has brought out some freckles on her cheeks and they're so cute I feel myself turn to mush. I can't find the words to express how much I love her, need her. So I kiss her. I kiss her long and hard and desperate to try and let her know.

And by the way she clings to me I think she gets the picture.

**I am so sorry I've been gone. My life has been going through some changes, some bumps but here ya go and the next one will be longer. I thought they could use a nice cute drama free chapter.**


	27. Sick and Tired

**I own no part of SON**

Where is she? School's about to start and the Davies sisters aren't here. Glen and Jillian are arm wrestling next to me and I hear my twin yelp with pain.

"VICTORIOUS AGAIN!"

Jillian's voice booms out across the quad for the third time announcing her whooping of Glen. I don't bother paying attention to Glen's response because Kyla's bright yellow Neon just pulled into the parking lot.

What steps out of the car leaves me speechless. The girl looks like Kyla but she's dressed in sweats (not designer sweats but the baggy kind) is lacking make up, and is wearing square rim orange glasses that I have never seen before. The scene takes me so off guard I almost don't notice that Ashley is no where to be seen.

"Ky, Kyla where is Ashley?"

The younger Davies blood shot eyes fix on me in a menacing glare and she just drops her car keys in my hand.

"Ashley. Sick. Your turn."

I smile as she collapses into my brother's arms but I don't have time to stand around as I jump in the small car to speed off to Ashley's.

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

The front door rests slightly open and I remind myself to scold Kyla later. The sound of coughing comes from upstairs. I pad as quiet as I can to her door and take a deep breath to ready myself for the mess I'm about to encounter.

When I push open her door I notice that the room is so dark I can't see my hand in front of my face. I wait a few moments to let my eyes adjust before venturing any further into the darkened room.

A groan from where the bed is helps me negotiate the gloomy space. My shins hit the side of her bed and she still has no idea I'm here. The sight of her curls sticking out from under her covers gets a small smile to break out on my face.

"Ash."

I whisper her name as I lower myself into the bed next to her. The heat radiating off Ashley makes me instantly start sweating.

"Hmmph, 'Pencer?"

Her body shifts and I tug the comforter down so I can see her face. Her expression breaks my heart; she's all sad eyes and winces from pain.

"Baby, come here."

When I try to pull her closer she pushes against me with wobbly arms.

"Spence I'm sick. You'll get sick."

She's giving me this adorable concerned look but I just smile and pull her tight against me.

"I'll take my chances."

Ashley's body is trembling and even though she's burning up I can tell she's freezing. The rhythm of her heart beat is irregular and frenzied-her breathing is shallow.

"Ash baby, can you take a few deep breaths for me?"

Her face is buried deep against my neck so I can feel her take several slower, deeper breaths; good baby.

"Spence you didn't have to come."

Her soft voice gets muffled against my hair as she just clings to me tighter.

"I know."

I stroke her hair as we lay there and pretty soon her breathing evens out as she drifts into sleep. Her forehead is covered in a slight sweat and her small frown disappears when I pull the heavy blankets off her.

"Hey, how is she?"

Jillian's gruff voice breaks my staring from Ashley's face. Her outline is visible in the doorway and the concern in her voice is testament to her friendship with Ashley.

"She's doing ok, bad fever and the shakes."

I slip out of Ashley's grasp and pad softly to where Jillian is holding out a cold Dr. Pepper. All I manage is a smile of thanks before chugging the cool liquid.

Jillian gives a soft chuckle before peering worriedly back into Ashley's room.

"You sure she's gonna be ok? And if you tell her I was this worried I'll kill you."

Her voice is teasing but her eyes are still creased in worry. It's weird to see this side of Jillian.

"I already talked to my mom and she says Ash probably will just sweat out her fever. We just have to make sure she drinks a lot of water when she gets up."

"Ok seems simple enough. How are you holding up?"

Her question catches me completely off guard. The dark haired girl has never shown any real interest in me or my well being. Truth is I figured she hated me.

"Oh I'm doing ok."

My voice betrays me and wavers slightly; this makes her quirk her eyebrow in what seems like amusement. It reminds me of Ashley.

"Spencer, you really don't need to be afraid of me. I'm not mad about everything that has happened. How can I be? You make her happy, it's obvious."

I can feel the blush on my cheeks and I take another slow drink from the can in my hands.

"Thanks Jill. You really do mean the world to her."

"Haha I see why she likes you, you're sweet."

I can't help but grin goofily at her and she gives me a warm smile in return. I'm surprised at how easily our conversation has gone.

Jillian stays with me an hour longer before she gets the call for dinner. We make coffee plans; I'm strangely excited for that rendezvous.

Ashley's room was too hot and dark for me so I sit downstairs watching bad music videos on TV. I smile at the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Speeence?"

Her voice is low, rough and full of sleep.

"Living room."

I almost give an "awww" at her appearance but I think better of it. Her hair is tousled, her robe is baggy and pulled as tight around her as possible, her glasses rest on her face, and she is pretty pale but her eyes look brighter than before.

"You stayed this whole time?"

She smiles wide as she climbs in my lap and I can tell she feels better but is still exhausted.

"Well yes but I had some help. Jillian was here for a while."

She looks up at me with surprised eyes but then goes back to nuzzling my neck. I sigh when I feel her lips kiss the skin by my collarbone softly.

"That was nice of her. Sometimes she's ok."

I chuckle against her hair and kiss the top of her head. I love her so much. She's the most beautiful person I've ever seen, even when she's sick.

"Ash, you wanna shower?"

"Uh are you saying I smell bad?"

Ashley pokes at my ribs teasingly as she asks and it makes me giggle.

"You know I don't think that but you've been sick. A shower will probably feel amazing."

At this statement Ashley sits up more so that her eyes lock on mine.

"You being in that shower with me would make it amazing."

Her familiar smirk is back in the place where it belongs and it makes her even cuter.

"Yeah not gonna happen. I am not having sex with you while you're still pretty sick."

Her laughter is music to my ears and she hops off me with a little less spunk than normal. I watch her drag ass away from me and I smile at her Hello Kitty pj bottoms.

I can't believe I'm in love with someone who wears Hello Kitty.

**Thank you for everything. **


	28. A Need For Old Comforts

**I own no part of SON**

It's one of those mornings where the sun is hiding and you can almost smell a storm coming in off the ocean. The cool air is a blessing in the usual overbearing heat. Spencer's wearing one of my hooded sweatshirts and a beautiful smile as I whisper stupid confessions of love in her ear.

Every few sentences I nip at her earlobe and she grins in response. She's so adorable it is hard for me not to stare. Right as I'm about to whisper into her ear again I notice something in the distance behind her.

"What the fuck?"

I squint harder because I have to be imagining some girl with her tongue down Jillian's throat.

"Really Ashley what are you staring at?"

Spencer turns around and her eyes dart between Jill's make out session and me. Who the hell is that with Jill and why didn't she tell me about it? I'm so consumed in watching Jill that Spencer has to shove me to get my attention.

"What Spencer?"

She scoffs at me and storms away. What is her issue? By the time I turn back to look at Jillian, she's sauntering towards us with a cigarette dangling from her lips. I want a smoke so bad.

"Sup Ash, hey Kyla."

Her smirk is annoying and I can just feel this weird happiness seeping off of her.

"What's with the skank?"

I jerk my head towards where Jill had been macking that chick and quirk my eyebrow. I see Jill's eyes flick with anger and then slowly return to normal.

"I met her a few weeks ago. Her name is Lauren."

For some reason I can't stop the anger that flows through my veins. What is wrong with me? I can feel Kyla's curious stare but I just ignore it.

"Well she looks like a slut."

I don't even wait for a reply from Jill; I just storm away and try to shake the sick feeling in my stomach. As I rip my locker open I feel a hand on my shoulder. Before I can stop myself I snap.

"Fucking what!"

Dark brown eyes, identical to mine, narrow in annoyance.

"First, don't you ever snap at me again. Second, what is your deal with Jill and this girl?"

Kyla's small frame has me backed against the lockers and her stupid pixy finger is in my face. My patience is long gone by now and I just brush past her forcefully.

"FINE ASH! BE AN ASSHOLE!"

Kyla screams at me down the hall before I can get all the way to my classroom. What a whorebag. I slip into my seat next to Spencer and turn to talk to her. When I do I'm surprised to see it's not her but some sweaty fat guy with a Twinkie in hand.

"Hey where the hell is Spencer?"

He points his sugary snack across the room to a desk by the window. There sits my girlfriend chatting with some red headed girl I don't know. What is she doing over there?

I chuck an eraser at Spence's head and whisper shout across the room.

"Psst Spence, what the hell?"

"Miss Davies, no talking, cursing, or throwing things."

My ancient teacher doesn't even turn around to scold me but just continues her chicken scratch across the chalkboard.

Spencer's glowering at me from across the room and all I can do is stare back like an idiot. I honestly have no idea what is going on today. During the course of the class Spencer doesn't look over at me once and I try everything to get her attention.

When the bell rings Spencer takes off and I run to catch her.

"Spence, whoa Spencer hold up!"

I grab her wrist but she shakes my grasp before turning to face me.

"I don't want to talk to you right now, ok?"

The anger in her eyes makes me just raise my hands in defeat and watch her storm away.

"Dude what did you do to her?"

Jillian appears out of nowhere. She joins me in staring after my obviously peeved girlfriend.

"No idea. So what the fuck is with this girl?"

My best friend's life takes over the compulsion for me to obsess over my own life.

"Oh, um well I met her at this church thing my step dad forced me to go to. We've been hanging out a lot and I like really like her."

I watch as Jill's face lights up talking about Lauren and my chest tightens.

"So you think this might be serious?"

We talk as we walk to our cars, skipping class like usual, and Jill lights a cigarette. As I stand in silence with my best friend it hits me. I don't want anyone else to have Jill but I don't want to date her either. Dear God…I'm a cliché, I want to have my cake and eat it too…or whatever.

"Jill, how well do you really know this girl? I mean come on, a lesbian at a church event…how often does that really happen?"

"Dude who cares? She's hot and sweet and funny and not afraid of actually being with me."

That last quality she says with conviction and narrows her eyes at me. The effect is immediate and I feel guilt wash through me. I swallow the lump in my throat and step closer to Jill.

"I'm sorry…I don't know what else to say."

Her hand comes to my cheek and her smile is a sad one.

"Yeah, me too."

Her soft lips land on mine briefly before she leaves me standing there alone. My eyes stay closed and I lean back against my car. I can feel eyes on me so I open mine, afraid it is Spencer watching me. Momentary relief sweeps through me when I find Kyla standing in front of me.

"Did you just kiss Jill?"

Her eyes are accusing and she's practically trembling with rage. Kyla's face is cold and the loving sister I know has disappeared before my eyes.

"What no, well yeah but it was like friendly."

I'm not even convincing myself and I am finding it hard to meet the intense gaze of my half sister.

"It took me all day to figure it out. I mean at first I thought you were just being your bitchy self. Then I really paid attention to what was making you bitchy. You were looking at Jill like you used to, before Spencer."

She takes a deep breath before continuing and I just stand there in shame.

"And I saw the way Jill was looking back at you. Ashley, if I noticed Spencer sure as hell noticed."

Her words cut through me and the fear makes me irrational.

"Listen Kyla you should just worry about you. I got me."

She shakes her head before walking away from me leaving me by my car. I know I should go see Spencer but if we're gonna fight I don't want to.

Today sucks.

X X X X X X X X X X

I end up at her house. I have no idea what to say or why I ended up here. We're just sitting in her living room staring at each other. Her eyes dart around the room and she refuses to really look me in the eye.

"Sooo why are you here?"

Jill's question is direct but her tone conveys nothing but curiosity. I don't know why I feel so weird hanging out with my best friend but there's an awkward feeling in the air. I shouldn't but I notice how good she looks in her tank top and tiny shorts.

"I can't be around anybody else. I've always been able to chill with you."

"Ash, I'd love to hang but Lauren and I are going on a date in like an hour. I'm not even close to ready."

I don't bother hiding the disappointment that I know crosses my face. Jill crosses the room and sits close, placing her hand on my knee. She gives me a small smile and I rest my head on her shoulder.

Jillian is a comfort to me and being around her again feels good. Everything about her is familiar and easy. We smile at each other again and out of habit I seal my mouth over hers. She rests her hands on my neck and pulls back first.

"Ashley, no don't do this."

"But it feels right Jill."

She practically jumps me and soon she's straddling me on the couch. I run my hands down her back and she has a firm hold on my shoulders. Right as her hands slide under my shirt my cell phone rings loudly.

Jill jumps off me like she's been burned, just stares at me disbelievingly, and then runs up stairs. I consider chasing her but answer my phone as I leave the house.

"Yeah."

"Really, that's how you're going to talk to your girlfriend? I haven't even talked to you all day."

"And who's fault is that?"

I hear her take a sharp breath and guilt washes through me.

"I'll just leave you alone then…"

"No Spence, I'm sorry. What's up?"

"I missed you today."

Now a second, more powerful, wave of guilt hits. I cannot believe I cheated on Spencer. If the phone hadn't interrupted us I would have had sex with Jill. The thought makes me sick.

"I missed you too baby girl. Where are you I wanna see you?"

"My house, see you soon!"

Her voice becomes lighter and happier.

"Ok I'll be there in five minutes."

"Ashley?"

"Yeah…"

"I love you."

Bam…another wave of guilt makes my stomach somersault.

"You too Spence. See ya soon."

I suck.

X X X X X X X X X X X

She's waiting for me on her front steps. That blonde hair I love is tied back and her face is totally void of makeup. She looks heavenly and I'm a shithead.

My car stops and before I can even shut the car door behind me she's in my arms.

"I hate that we had an off day today."

Her face is buried deep in my neck and I can feel her lips against my skin as she talks. I feel her breath deep against me and I fight to hold back the sting of tears.

"Me too Spence, me too."

When she finally pulls away from me, only a few inches away, she gives me the biggest most melt worthy smile ever.

"Come on, let's go inside."

She laces our fingers together to pull me into the house. I squeeze her hand trying to tell her in that simple touch that I love her more than anybody and that I'd do anything for her. It seems insufficient because eventually I have to drop a bomb on her.

**I apologize for the delay. **

**Thank you all for everything. Enjoy. **


	29. Curiosity Killed the Cat

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love. **

**xoxo**

Something is up. Ashley has been off for the last week or so. She smells like cigarette smoke again, she's been drinking a lot, and she hardly touches or speaks to me. For instance last weekend I got a phone call from Kyla at three in the morning.

She needed me to come to some random house and pick them up. Kyla was buzzed, my girlfriend was a train wreck. When I ask Ashley about it she just scoffs and shrugs it off as end of high school fun.

So for a while I let it go. She seemed to just want to have fun but now I'm getting worried. I haven't seen her in class in days and her absences will keep her from graduating. And I've decided that's ultimately what her weird behavior is all about. She's freaking out about graduation. Maybe she saw the acceptance letter I just got from NYU.

I squint across the pool at my bikini clad girlfriend talking to Jillian with a brilliant smile plastered across her beautiful face. They are sitting close and Ashley's hand rests on Jill's knee. I shake my head, they're just friends.

"And that is why I can never eat peanut butter again."

Kyla finishes with a big smile and a grand hand gesture. Shoot, I was supposed to be listening to her. I mean she is hosting this end of the year pool party.

"Wow that was a really interesting st-"

"Don't even pretend you were listening. I totally saw you staring at my stupid sister."

I give a sheepish smile but my attention darts back to Ash at the sound of her husky chuckle.

"Ky, why has she been acting so weird?"

The younger Davies gives me a sad smile and squeezes my shoulder comfortingly.

"This isn't weird behavior for her. This is Ashley before you came."

Kyla's words unsettle me as I notice Ashley's gaze locked on Jill's body. Am I losing her? I thought she loved me? A single tear tries to slip out of my eye but I wipe it away before it betrays me. I have to talk to her.

"Excuse me Kyla."

She gives a grim nod almost like she knows something bad will come of my conversation with Ashley. Sometimes I wonder how much Kyla Davies really does know. Approaching Ashley I notice how close her and Jill sit to each other and the small, secret looks that pass between the two of them.

"Ashley, can I have a second?"

For the first time since I've known her I feel as if Ashley does not want to be around me. Her gaze feels cold as she stares at me from behind giant sunglasses.

"Sure Spencer. Jill I'll be back in a few."

My girlfriend pushes herself off the lounge chair and into my space. For a second my breath catches and my heart speeds up, my body betrays me and aches for her. Ashley arches her eyebrow and smirks at me as she notices my reaction to her. I clear my throat and nod towards the house.

"Wanna go inside?"

She shrugs and takes off for the house, leaving me to steady myself before going after her. I know where she's going in the house. It's the one room where she feels comfortable and the one room where she might tell me what the heck is actually going on.

Many nights I've stumbled into this room, tangled up in everything Ashley. Today there is no touching or kissing between us. She walks into the room and sits on the bed pulling shorts on as she sits. I remain standing.

"What's up?"

"Why don't you kiss me anymore?"

"What?"

"Or touch me or hug me or even look at me? Do you not love me anymore?"

The look on her face is one of horror and shock. Hot tears are blazing a trail down my face. I can't help it anymore because I feel like I'm going to lose her.

"Spencer…"

"Did you see the letter, is that it? Because I haven't even decided if I'll go to NYU or UCLA yet."

Now confusion washes over her features.

"You applied to NYU? What?"

Wait now I'm confused.

"Isn't that why you've been so off? I thought you saw the letter and were freaking out about it."

"Well now I'm freaking out. What the hell Spencer? I thought you were going to stay in the area because I can't get into a fancy school?"

She's yelling now and standing and about five inches from my face. Why is this my fault? She's the one who's been acting so strange.

"Ok so this wasn't about the letter what is going on then?"

"Nothing Spencer. This is the real me. I smoke, I drink, and I sleep with girls."

A sharp pang goes through my chest, like a fist closing around my heart. She has a mean smirk on her face but the longer I stand there with silent tears in my eyes the more her face crumbles.

"Shit Spencer, I'm sorry I've been so mes-"

"Are you cheating on me?"

She stumbles back a step like my words were a punch to her gut. All color drains from her face and I get my answer before she even says the words.

"Not currently."

The words come out a croak from her mouth.

"Oh well thank Christ! 'Not currently'. Jesus Ashley just answer the fucking question! Have you ever cheated on me?"

Tears of hurt and anger stream down my face. Ash stares back with guilty eyes and shaky hands.

"Yes."

One word shatters my heart.

"With who Ashley?"

"Jillian."

One name obliterates my world. Something inside me breaks and I'm finding it hard to breathe.

"How could you do this? I don't understand."

I wipe away the tears and feel nothing but hollowness inside, like my heart's been ripped from my chest. Ashley's crying so hard I doubt she can even see me through her tears but I want nothing more than to make her cry harder, make her realize how much she's hurt me.

"Spencer, I don't wanna lose you."

"Too late."

I scoff and walk away from her. I walk away from the one person who made me feel really alive, the one person who I gave everything to. Lesson learned. As I walk outside I realize I've started crying again. It's just so hard for me to actually believe this is happening.

Glen is by my side in an instant and his arms pull me into a sheltering embrace. There are so many voices around me but I can only make out one.

"Move, damnit people move. Spencer! Wait Spencer, talk to me a minute! I said fucking move!"

She sounds pissed but I couldn't care less. When I see her out of the corner of my eye, all tear streaked and disheveled, I shake my head at Glen.

"Come on sis, I'm taking you home."

Thank God he gets the picture. As Glen's car backs out of the driveway she stands there and stares teary eyed in my direction. How dare she act like she's the one getting hurt here?

"Wanna talk about it?"

He sounds so sad for me but I just stare out the window, my silent answer placates him. My feet feel heavy and my body aches as I make the seemingly long walk to the front door. Paula opens it before I can wrap my fingers around the gold door knob. Has it always been gold?

"Why are you kids home so early…Spencer what's wrong sweetie?"

As Mom's hand grab me, and wipe away the tears I didn't know I am still crying, all I can focus on are the stairs leading me to my bed. I'm completely exhausted.

"Mom, not now ok?"

The stairs are treacherous today, each step draining a little more energy from my already depleted body. A weak smile cracks onto my face when I conquer the damn stairs and finally see my door.

My door opens easily but it's not the safe haven I thought it would be. Reminders of her are everywhere. Ashley's smile greets me from numerous pictures plastered all around. Her black sweatshirt hangs lazily off my desk chair and at least six of her shirts are scattered like land mines around my floor.

Worse than all of the physical reminders though is that I can smell her in here. The scent is overwhelming and sweet and familiar. All of this just makes the ache in my chest magnify and I hate myself for missing her already.

Why did she do this to me? I pull on her sweatshirt and climb into my bed. She always slept on the same side as me, even sharing my pillow, because she said she couldn't stand to be that far away from me. What happened to that girl? The one who looked at me like I made the world turn round and couldn't stand to be away from me for more than five minutes?

Hot tears trail down my face, pooling onto my black pillow case. I hear my phone buzz from the floor and I almost don't look at the text.

_Please forgive me. I love you. _

Damn her. She can't be serious right now. She's destroyed us and now she wants me to forgive her. I toss my phone back on the ground, wishing I hadn't looked at the message. In this instant I make a decision about college, about my future, and about who I am.

And Ashley no longer is a factor in any of it.

Three hours later and I'm still awake, my phone buzzing so incessantly that I turn it off. Two sleeping pills later my vision blurs and I finally medicate myself into a comatose state. Here in this kind of sleep I know dreams of Ashley won't invade my mind.

Here is the only place I can find peace…without her.

**Thanks for everything. Enjoy. **


	30. Caps, Gowns, Goodbyes

**I own no part of SON**

**Peace and love to all! **

**xoxo**

The high school is buzzing with excitement. Graduation is tonight. We sit in alphabetical order at graduation, you know what that means? Glen Carlin next to Spencer Carlin then Spencer Carlin sits next to me then Kyla Davies next to me. It's an awkward arrangement.

I've completely given up trying to talk to her and Kyla has warned me to leave her alone. It's gotten to the point where she's only looking at me with sad, broken eyes. The anger seems to have disappeared.

"Ash, you there?"

My attention turns to Jillian's searching gaze. I don't blame her for what has happened, its all on me. She'll always be my best friend. In fact her and Lauren are starting to get pretty serious.

She's standing there in her orange cap and gown with a brilliant smile on her face. This was a moment we had talked about for a while. We were graduating tonight. Mom and Dad are so thrilled with me they bought me a new TV.

"Yeah its just I figured Spencer would be here too. It doesn't seem right without her."

I sigh as I collapse onto my bed and regret it instantly when I catch another whiff of Spencer's perfume. I groan and bury my head in my pillow. I feel so empty without her.

"Ash, I know you're hurting and kicking yourself but she's doing ok. You need to leave her be and try to keep living."

"Right, easier said then done. Anyway, is Lauren coming to graduation tonight?"

At the mere mention of the girl Jillian starts blushing and grinning like a fool. I imagine that's what I used to look like when I talked about Spence.

"Yeah she's coming! I'm so nervous though and I don't know why…I guess I can't believe everything that has happened this year. I can't believe it's all over."

Another twenty minutes or so of listening to Jill gush about graduation and then we're off to the high school. The entire ride there (which is about 10 minutes, max) my heart races and I feel like I'm going to throw up.

Kyla greets me as soon as I walk in the door. I rarely see her these days. She spends all her time with Glen at his house. I always try my best not to ask her about Spencer when I do see her.

"Ash, wow you look gorgeous. How do you feel?"

She gives me a wide smile but it fades quickly to concern. My sister grabs my arm and pulls me into an isolated corner.

"I'm fine Ky."

"No, you're not fine. I've watched you be miserable for weeks. She used to ask about you but then it became less frequent and now she doesn't even mention you. Ashley, she gave me back all your stuff and she even went on a date the other night. Please let go."

Hot tears sting behind my eyes and I can hear my breathing hitch. Do you know how hard it is for me to hear this? My stomach churns violently and I try to manage a smile for Kyla.

"Listen Ky, I'm really ok. Let's just go graduate ok?"

Truth is I'm not even close to ok or fine. I'm three steps past miserable. Kyla grins and laces our hands together.

As we approach our fellow graduates I see her. Spencer's beautiful golden hair hangs in curls around her smiling face. She's standing with Madison and Glen's arm is wrapped protectively around his sister.

Her laughter makes my chest ache and she smiles in a way I haven't seen in weeks. Maybe she really has moved on, maybe she never really loved me. A girl like her is too good for someone like me anyways.

Our eyes meet from across the hall and I feel a jolt through my body. The smile quickly fades from her face and it breaks my heart. Knowing that I am the reason she becomes so unhappy is killing me.

"You ready?"

Kyla's gaze darts to Spencer before meeting mine and I know she's worried about me being around Spencer. I manage a nod before taking my place in line behind my ex-girlfriend. Being around her makes memories, painful and pleasant, come flooding back.

All I have to do is get through this ceremony and then I can go back to sulking and wasting my empty life away. I can tell Spencer knows I'm behind her by the way her back stiffens suddenly.

I sigh heavily as the principle approaches.

"Everyone in line please! We start in five people. Jenkins knock it off, JENKINS!"

The principle takes off after the red haired boy and a wave of laughter follows. It even manages to make me smile, seeing the scrawny boy run with his grad gown on. Spencer turns to watch the scene and her blue eyes lock on my brown ones.

For a split second her face softens and I think she might still love me but she turns back around in a flash.

The first note of Pomp and Circumstance blasts through the air as we file into the auditorium. I do my best not to trip over my heels and I muster up a half smile of enthusiasm for my parents. They're crying, so embarrassing.

Kyla holds my hand as we listen to the never ending amount of guest speakers and before I realize it we are up and walking out of the auditorium.

My parents take thousands of pictures of Kyla and I in our graduation gowns after the ceremony.

"I'm going to go take some pictures with Glen. Do you want to come with and see Paula? I think she misses you."

Kyla asking me to join her takes me by surprise and when I nod in agreement it surprises me even more. Why am I going over there? It will just suck being around Spencer.

But the moment we cross the twenty feet to where the Carlins are I am grateful Ky invited me.

"Ashley my dear!"

Clearly Spencer didn't tell Paula I cheated on her. She was the best thing to ever happen to me and I blew it.

"Paula, hey I've missed you."

She hugs me tight and the love this woman is showing me makes my eyes tear up. I don't deserve her affection.

"Honey, I heard you and Spence are taking a break. I'm sorry to hear that sweetie. I thought you made each other very happy."

She looks genuinely upset about our break up and it makes me feel even more like shit.

"Yeah I'm sorry too."

God, I'm sorry in more ways then you can know Paula. I talk to the mother Carlin for a few more minutes before I feel a soft grip on my arm and I know who it is before I see her.

"Spence."

Her name escapes my mouth as a husky whisper. She flinches at the use of her nickname. I guess I don't have any right to use the affectionate title anymore.

"Can I talk to you, in private?"

She keeps her voice low so as no one can hear her. She must not want anyone to know she's talking to me. Madison is staring at us and her eyes narrow with disdain at me. Now she has good reason to hate me.

I nod and follow her out to the parking lot hoping, praying this is going to be a positive talk.

We walk up the hill on the south side of the school until we reach the softball field and once we stop she still doesn't face me. I have no idea what she wants to talk about. My whole body is practically shaking with nerves.

"Spencer, what is going on?"

"I'm going to NYU but I figured you already knew that. I just wanted you to hear it from me."

There's no emotion in her voice and I still can't see her face. All I want is to see those baby blues.

"Yeah I guessed you would. I'm sure you'll love it."

"You never even apologized to me."

She suddenly spins around and there are silent tears in her eyes. Her eyes shine, her make up is running down her face, and her perfectly curled hair has become unruly. Even with all of these so called "flaws" she's still beautiful.

"Spencer, come on I didn't think you wanted to hear it. You told me to leave you alone, so did Kyla. I'm trying to respect your wishes."

"Bullshit Ashley. It got hard and you didn't want to deal with it any more. You gave up."

Her words sting but I know I deserve them.

"Well what do you want me to do? Want me to fight for us or leave you alone? I can't do both!"

I drag my hands angrily through my hair and she's scowling fiercely at me.

"It doesn't matter anymore because it's just over. Things have gotten too far away to fix. Come on we're 18 anyway we don't even really know what love is."

Whoa, I deserve a lot of things, her anger and tears and hurtful words, but I do not deserve that.

"Spencer what are you saying? That you didn't love me?"

"I'm just saying we don't know what love really means. I mean, how can we when we've barely lived?"

I can see something in her deep blue eyes. She's begging me for something but I can't read what it is. I steel myself against her gaze and the flood of emotions I'm feeling.

"Fine, believe what you want but I know I loved you. And yeah at the end there I did a shitty job of loving you. Yes I broke what we had but I didn't ever stop caring about you. Not for one freaking second!"

I finish my rant almost out of breath and standing right in front of Spencer. The only sound I can hear is my own labored breathing and my racing heart. Screw this.

I crush my lips over hers and wrap my arms around her. She barely kisses back and I can taste tears. This is a goodbye kiss and she's letting me have one final goodbye.

It hurts so much to stop touching her but I pull myself away and take a step back. Spencer just stands there perfectly broken and gives me a sad smile before heading back down the hill.

"Goodbye Spence."

The darkness is the only audience to my whispered farewell. It offers no reply.

**This is the end of the story. Clearly there will be a sequel and since I already have the basic plot nailed down the first chapter should be up soon. **

**Forgive me for the cliffhanger **

**Thank you all for everything. I wouldn't do this if I didn't get such amazing responses.**


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